The Quest for Positivity. Not on the path? Just keep walking...
This is a long talk, if you don't have time to watch til the end, I suggest saving this one until you can. This is for everyone who's ever felt like they're missing out or made mistakes or they're on the wrong path. I feel ya
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Transcript
0:02
well
0:02
well it's a fine summer day
0:05
it's a fine summer day
0:05
it's a fine summer day on
0:07
on
0:07
on the beach do you know what that is out
0:09
the beach do you know what that is out
0:09
the beach do you know what that is out there
0:11
there
0:11
there it's the Pacific Ocean
0:13
it's the Pacific Ocean
0:13
it's the Pacific Ocean and you know what this is it's sometimes
0:16
and you know what this is it's sometimes
0:16
and you know what this is it's sometimes Vlog yeah yeah it's a vlog that happens
0:20
Vlog yeah yeah it's a vlog that happens
0:20
Vlog yeah yeah it's a vlog that happens sometimes and check this out look at all
0:23
sometimes and check this out look at all
0:23
sometimes and check this out look at all of these
0:24
of these
0:24
of these seagull footprints
0:27
seagull footprints
0:27
seagull footprints they're everywhere and there were about
0:30
they're everywhere and there were about
0:30
they're everywhere and there were about a billion seagulls standing right over
0:32
a billion seagulls standing right over
0:32
a billion seagulls standing right over here until I walked up then I guess I
0:34
here until I walked up then I guess I
0:34
here until I walked up then I guess I wasn't cool enough for them so they've
0:35
wasn't cool enough for them so they've
0:36
wasn't cool enough for them so they've spread out I don't know if you can see
0:37
spread out I don't know if you can see
0:37
spread out I don't know if you can see them on either side of me look at that
0:40
them on either side of me look at that
0:40
them on either side of me look at that my friends it's the Pacific Ocean we are
0:42
my friends it's the Pacific Ocean we are
0:42
my friends it's the Pacific Ocean we are staring out west at the sunset the sun
0:44
staring out west at the sunset the sun
0:44
staring out west at the sunset the sun is still up somewhere above the clouds
0:47
is still up somewhere above the clouds
0:47
is still up somewhere above the clouds but uh
0:48
but uh
0:48
but uh the evening fog or the evening clouds or
0:52
the evening fog or the evening clouds or
0:52
the evening fog or the evening clouds or whatever you want to call it I've come
0:53
whatever you want to call it I've come
0:54
whatever you want to call it I've come rolling in
0:55
rolling in
0:55
rolling in only to burn off once again when the sun
0:58
only to burn off once again when the sun
0:58
only to burn off once again when the sun gets high up in the sky tomorrow
1:00
gets high up in the sky tomorrow
1:00
gets high up in the sky tomorrow it is a beautiful sight you know what's
1:03
it is a beautiful sight you know what's
1:03
it is a beautiful sight you know what's weird I have plenty of opportunity to go
1:07
weird I have plenty of opportunity to go
1:07
weird I have plenty of opportunity to go down to the ocean I do live in Anaheim
1:09
down to the ocean I do live in Anaheim
1:09
down to the ocean I do live in Anaheim California which is it next to the beach
1:10
California which is it next to the beach
1:10
California which is it next to the beach but it's not far from the beach can you
1:13
but it's not far from the beach can you
1:13
but it's not far from the beach can you hear that listen to those waves all
1:15
hear that listen to those waves all
1:15
hear that listen to those waves all right
1:17
right
1:17
right and yet I never Avail on myself of the
1:20
and yet I never Avail on myself of the
1:20
and yet I never Avail on myself of the opportunity it's very rare that I would
1:22
opportunity it's very rare that I would
1:22
opportunity it's very rare that I would go down to the beach
1:24
go down to the beach
1:24
go down to the beach the only time I seem to go down to the
1:25
the only time I seem to go down to the
1:25
the only time I seem to go down to the beach is when I'm in a different state
1:27
beach is when I'm in a different state
1:27
beach is when I'm in a different state which is the case today because even
1:29
which is the case today because even
1:30
which is the case today because even though I live nearby the Pacific Ocean
1:31
though I live nearby the Pacific Ocean
1:31
though I live nearby the Pacific Ocean this isn't the portion of the Pacific
1:34
this isn't the portion of the Pacific
1:34
this isn't the portion of the Pacific Ocean that I live near this is the North
1:38
Ocean that I live near this is the North
1:38
Ocean that I live near this is the North Pacific Ocean the southern part of the
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Pacific Ocean the southern part of the
1:40
Pacific Ocean the southern part of the Northern Pacific Ocean in the state of
1:43
Northern Pacific Ocean in the state of
1:43
Northern Pacific Ocean in the state of Washington and this where I'm standing
1:46
Washington and this where I'm standing
1:46
Washington and this where I'm standing is a Long Beach it's a giant peninsula
1:50
is a Long Beach it's a giant peninsula
1:50
is a Long Beach it's a giant peninsula of land I believe it's known as the
1:52
of land I believe it's known as the
1:52
of land I believe it's known as the world's longest drivable Beach I don't
1:55
world's longest drivable Beach I don't
1:55
world's longest drivable Beach I don't know if you can see they're way down
1:56
know if you can see they're way down
1:57
know if you can see they're way down there there are several little crossover
1:59
there there are several little crossover
1:59
there there are several little crossover Vehicles pickup trucks off Highway
2:01
Vehicles pickup trucks off Highway
2:01
Vehicles pickup trucks off Highway Vehicles all along the beach here London
2:04
Vehicles all along the beach here London
2:04
Vehicles all along the beach here London and I have driven through the state of
2:06
and I have driven through the state of
2:06
and I have driven through the state of Oregon and come up here to Washington
2:10
Oregon and come up here to Washington
2:10
Oregon and come up here to Washington now if we'd had more time we'd probably
2:12
now if we'd had more time we'd probably
2:12
now if we'd had more time we'd probably go even farther north we'd check out
2:14
go even farther north we'd check out
2:14
go even farther north we'd check out Olympia National Park we check out
2:15
Olympia National Park we check out
2:15
Olympia National Park we check out Seattle we do whatever in fact for a
2:18
Seattle we do whatever in fact for a
2:18
Seattle we do whatever in fact for a little while there was a little bit of a
2:19
little while there was a little bit of a
2:19
little while there was a little bit of a plan for me and him to go to Seattle
2:21
plan for me and him to go to Seattle
2:21
plan for me and him to go to Seattle there's some museums there I'd really
2:22
there's some museums there I'd really
2:22
there's some museums there I'd really like to see and check out that I've
2:24
like to see and check out that I've
2:24
like to see and check out that I've never got the opportunity to film in
2:26
never got the opportunity to film in
2:26
never got the opportunity to film in fact I don't think I've ever until this
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fact I don't think I've ever until this
2:27
fact I don't think I've ever until this moment done any random land or sometimes
2:30
moment done any random land or sometimes
2:30
moment done any random land or sometimes Vlog filming in the state of Washington
2:32
Vlog filming in the state of Washington
2:32
Vlog filming in the state of Washington which is so weird because we were up
2:34
which is so weird because we were up
2:34
which is so weird because we were up here all the time when I was in the band
2:36
here all the time when I was in the band
2:36
here all the time when I was in the band this guard to play shows and I've played
2:38
this guard to play shows and I've played
2:38
this guard to play shows and I've played shows in Seattle I played shows in
2:40
shows in Seattle I played shows in
2:40
shows in Seattle I played shows in Spokane I played shows in the state of
2:43
Spokane I played shows in the state of
2:43
Spokane I played shows in the state of Washington before I think even in 2004
2:46
Washington before I think even in 2004
2:46
Washington before I think even in 2004 or five we played in Hoquiam or Aberdeen
2:48
or five we played in Hoquiam or Aberdeen
2:48
or five we played in Hoquiam or Aberdeen over up the coast a little bit where
2:50
over up the coast a little bit where
2:50
over up the coast a little bit where Kurt Cobain was born we had a whole song
2:53
Kurt Cobain was born we had a whole song
2:53
Kurt Cobain was born we had a whole song when we were going down the highway
2:54
when we were going down the highway
2:54
when we were going down the highway forever behind all the logging trucks
2:56
forever behind all the logging trucks
2:56
forever behind all the logging trucks going down to average Dean to Aberdeen
2:59
going down to average Dean to Aberdeen
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going down to average Dean to Aberdeen to Aberdeen going down to Aberdeen where
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to Aberdeen going down to Aberdeen where
3:01
to Aberdeen going down to Aberdeen where Kurt Cobain was born just to kind of
3:03
Kurt Cobain was born just to kind of
3:03
Kurt Cobain was born just to kind of like weird random stuff you say when
3:05
like weird random stuff you say when
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like weird random stuff you say when you're bored in a van full of
3:07
you're bored in a van full of
3:07
you're bored in a van full of dudes going to play a show or whatever
3:09
dudes going to play a show or whatever
3:09
dudes going to play a show or whatever and for some reason that is stuck into
3:11
and for some reason that is stuck into
3:11
and for some reason that is stuck into my brain for years and years and years
3:13
my brain for years and years and years
3:13
my brain for years and years and years and whenever I read anything about Kurt
3:15
and whenever I read anything about Kurt
3:15
and whenever I read anything about Kurt Cobain or Nirvana or where Kurt Cobain
3:17
Cobain or Nirvana or where Kurt Cobain
3:17
Cobain or Nirvana or where Kurt Cobain was born or anything like that oh I
3:20
was born or anything like that oh I
3:20
was born or anything like that oh I don't think so wavy wave wave I had your
3:22
don't think so wavy wave wave I had your
3:22
don't think so wavy wave wave I had your number
3:23
number
3:23
number I always think of that little Diddle
3:25
I always think of that little Diddle
3:25
I always think of that little Diddle going down to Aberdeen Aberdeen Aberdeen
3:28
going down to Aberdeen Aberdeen Aberdeen
3:28
going down to Aberdeen Aberdeen Aberdeen anyway we had a plan to go do that but
3:31
anyway we had a plan to go do that but
3:31
anyway we had a plan to go do that but in order to do it we would really have
3:34
in order to do it we would really have
3:34
in order to do it we would really have to drive another whole day up there and
3:37
to drive another whole day up there and
3:37
to drive another whole day up there and then immediately turn around and
3:38
then immediately turn around and
3:38
then immediately turn around and Boomerang back down so I threw it out
3:40
Boomerang back down so I threw it out
3:40
Boomerang back down so I threw it out there put it out on the web if anybody
3:42
there put it out on the web if anybody
3:42
there put it out on the web if anybody lives there we could like throw our
3:43
lives there we could like throw our
3:43
lives there we could like throw our stuff in your house or we didn't have to
3:44
stuff in your house or we didn't have to
3:44
stuff in your house or we didn't have to put it in a parked car in downtown
3:45
put it in a parked car in downtown
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put it in a parked car in downtown Seattle for the stuff we wanted to see
3:46
Seattle for the stuff we wanted to see
3:46
Seattle for the stuff we wanted to see and there were a bunch of people who
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and there were a bunch of people who
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and there were a bunch of people who replied and all that stuff but
3:49
replied and all that stuff but
3:49
replied and all that stuff but ultimately London decided like you know
3:51
ultimately London decided like you know
3:51
ultimately London decided like you know what I'd rather do is turn around here
3:53
what I'd rather do is turn around here
3:53
what I'd rather do is turn around here and spend like Leisure Leisure Elite I'm
3:57
and spend like Leisure Leisure Elite I'm
3:57
and spend like Leisure Leisure Elite I'm tired leisurely days going down the
3:59
tired leisurely days going down the
3:59
tired leisurely days going down the coast with you and hanging out so I
4:00
coast with you and hanging out so I
4:00
coast with you and hanging out so I asked him today I'm like okay what do we
4:02
asked him today I'm like okay what do we
4:02
asked him today I'm like okay what do we want to do here we had very little plan
4:05
want to do here we had very little plan
4:05
want to do here we had very little plan um the original plan was to go East but
4:07
um the original plan was to go East but
4:07
um the original plan was to go East but then it was like 110 degrees or whatever
4:08
then it was like 110 degrees or whatever
4:08
then it was like 110 degrees or whatever like I told you in the last video and so
4:11
like I told you in the last video and so
4:11
like I told you in the last video and so this is nice this is like
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this is nice this is like
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this is nice this is like 70 degrees I mean I've got my jacket on
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70 degrees I mean I've got my jacket on
4:16
70 degrees I mean I've got my jacket on because the wind is nice and cold off
4:17
because the wind is nice and cold off
4:17
because the wind is nice and cold off the ocean and we are staying in a little
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the ocean and we are staying in a little
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the ocean and we are staying in a little little hotel right over here right off
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little hotel right over here right off
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little hotel right over here right off of the beach over here which is lovely
4:27
of the beach over here which is lovely
4:27
of the beach over here which is lovely there's no air conditioner it's the kind
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there's no air conditioner it's the kind
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there's no air conditioner it's the kind of place you have to open the door put a
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of place you have to open the door put a
4:30
of place you have to open the door put a little fan in the back door that
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little fan in the back door that
4:32
little fan in the back door that overlooks the sea but from a distance of
4:34
overlooks the sea but from a distance of
4:34
overlooks the sea but from a distance of a you know I don't know two football
4:37
a you know I don't know two football
4:37
a you know I don't know two football fields or so
4:39
fields or so
4:39
fields or so yeah we had a pretty productive day
4:40
yeah we had a pretty productive day
4:40
yeah we had a pretty productive day though we hung out we
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did age where everything is boring to
4:51
did age where everything is boring to you except for what you decide to do
4:52
you except for what you decide to do
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you except for what you decide to do yourself by yourself and he's like yeah
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yourself by yourself and he's like yeah
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yourself by yourself and he's like yeah pretty much
4:57
pretty much
4:57
pretty much remember being like that I can kind of
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remember being like that I can kind of
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remember being like that I can kind of remember being 16 and just like uh with
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remember being 16 and just like uh with
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remember being 16 and just like uh with your parents like yeah with your friends
5:03
your parents like yeah with your friends
5:03
your parents like yeah with your friends I think I was a little different my
5:05
I think I was a little different my
5:05
I think I was a little different my motivations were more like I gotta
5:06
motivations were more like I gotta
5:06
motivations were more like I gotta travel everywhere I've got to see
5:07
travel everywhere I've got to see
5:07
travel everywhere I've got to see everything I want to expand my horizons
5:11
everything I want to expand my horizons
5:11
everything I want to expand my horizons and London is much more interested in
5:13
and London is much more interested in
5:13
and London is much more interested in digital stuff as most kids are these
5:15
digital stuff as most kids are these
5:15
digital stuff as most kids are these days but he's very interested in game
5:16
days but he's very interested in game
5:16
days but he's very interested in game mechanics and computers and the way
5:18
mechanics and computers and the way
5:18
mechanics and computers and the way things work and different sorts of
5:20
things work and different sorts of
5:20
things work and different sorts of challenges and I'm interested in and of
5:23
challenges and I'm interested in and of
5:23
challenges and I'm interested in and of course like any parent that concerns you
5:25
course like any parent that concerns you
5:25
course like any parent that concerns you you know your kid is different than you
5:27
you know your kid is different than you
5:27
you know your kid is different than you you're worried like am I not doing the
5:28
you're worried like am I not doing the
5:28
you're worried like am I not doing the right thing is he not getting enough of
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right thing is he not getting enough of
5:30
right thing is he not getting enough of this or this type of enrichment or brain
5:32
this or this type of enrichment or brain
5:32
this or this type of enrichment or brain thing but he's good he's having fun the
5:34
thing but he's good he's having fun the
5:34
thing but he's good he's having fun the main thing as we were talking about is
5:35
main thing as we were talking about is
5:35
main thing as we were talking about is he wanted to uh be able to spend time
5:37
he wanted to uh be able to spend time
5:37
he wanted to uh be able to spend time with me which is what happened and he's
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with me which is what happened and he's
5:39
with me which is what happened and he's like oh I'd be ready to go home now kind
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like oh I'd be ready to go home now kind
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like oh I'd be ready to go home now kind of thing so typical 16 year old stuff
5:43
of thing so typical 16 year old stuff
5:43
of thing so typical 16 year old stuff see look there's some people driving
5:44
see look there's some people driving
5:44
see look there's some people driving down the beach right there
5:45
down the beach right there
5:45
down the beach right there there's a guy having a stogie smoking a
5:48
there's a guy having a stogie smoking a
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there's a guy having a stogie smoking a stogie out the window as he cruises down
5:50
stogie out the window as he cruises down
5:50
stogie out the window as he cruises down the beach so we're having a good time
5:52
the beach so we're having a good time
5:52
the beach so we're having a good time it's nice to spend time with each other
5:54
it's nice to spend time with each other
5:54
it's nice to spend time with each other the car threw a code today meaning the
5:55
the car threw a code today meaning the
5:55
the car threw a code today meaning the check engine light came on and I
5:57
check engine light came on and I
5:57
check engine light came on and I panicked like oh no because there was a
5:59
panicked like oh no because there was a
5:59
panicked like oh no because there was a small oil leak in it before we left I'm
6:01
small oil leak in it before we left I'm
6:01
small oil leak in it before we left I'm thinking not the good car too and uh so
6:04
thinking not the good car too and uh so
6:04
thinking not the good car too and uh so I cruise into a Ford dealership I said
6:06
I cruise into a Ford dealership I said
6:06
I cruise into a Ford dealership I said hey how much would it be just to look at
6:08
hey how much would it be just to look at
6:08
hey how much would it be just to look at a code I knew they were closing and I
6:10
a code I knew they were closing and I
6:10
a code I knew they were closing and I just I go it would they would be a
6:12
just I go it would they would be a
6:12
just I go it would they would be a different light for oil low oil right
6:13
different light for oil low oil right
6:13
different light for oil low oil right they're like yeah okay oh it's not an
6:15
they're like yeah okay oh it's not an
6:15
they're like yeah okay oh it's not an oil leak and then I went to AutoZone
6:16
oil leak and then I went to AutoZone
6:16
oil leak and then I went to AutoZone they they run the code for free it turns
6:18
they they run the code for free it turns
6:18
they they run the code for free it turns out the code is like a little sensor has
6:20
out the code is like a little sensor has
6:20
out the code is like a little sensor has to do with emissions and it shouldn't be
6:22
to do with emissions and it shouldn't be
6:22
to do with emissions and it shouldn't be any kind of problem but there was that
6:24
any kind of problem but there was that
6:24
any kind of problem but there was that weird Panic of the day we had the Panic
6:27
weird Panic of the day we had the Panic
6:27
weird Panic of the day we had the Panic of the day and then I'll tell you
6:28
of the day and then I'll tell you
6:28
of the day and then I'll tell you another funny story we showed up to a
6:30
another funny story we showed up to a
6:30
another funny story we showed up to a hotel over here and uh when we got there
6:33
hotel over here and uh when we got there
6:33
hotel over here and uh when we got there we got into the elevator area to go up
6:35
we got into the elevator area to go up
6:36
we got into the elevator area to go up to the room
6:37
to the room
6:37
to the room downstairs there was I don't know some
6:39
downstairs there was I don't know some
6:39
downstairs there was I don't know some people screaming at each other and then
6:41
people screaming at each other and then
6:41
people screaming at each other and then a surly young chop came out of the room
6:43
a surly young chop came out of the room
6:43
a surly young chop came out of the room he was like throwing stuff around
6:44
he was like throwing stuff around
6:45
he was like throwing stuff around punching the wall type of deal very
6:46
punching the wall type of deal very
6:46
punching the wall type of deal very angsty while the people inside were
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angsty while the people inside were
6:48
angsty while the people inside were arguing and screaming and later they
6:50
arguing and screaming and later they
6:50
arguing and screaming and later they came out and it was just a family of
6:52
came out and it was just a family of
6:52
came out and it was just a family of they're having a bad day on vacation
6:53
they're having a bad day on vacation
6:53
they're having a bad day on vacation I've seen lots of that I mean going to
6:55
I've seen lots of that I mean going to
6:55
I've seen lots of that I mean going to Disney Parks you see all the people
6:56
Disney Parks you see all the people
6:56
Disney Parks you see all the people screaming you ruined my vacation
6:58
screaming you ruined my vacation
6:58
screaming you ruined my vacation sometimes people get real stressed out I
7:00
sometimes people get real stressed out I
7:00
sometimes people get real stressed out I get like that even too sometimes where
7:02
get like that even too sometimes where
7:02
get like that even too sometimes where I'm trying to have a good time where's
7:03
I'm trying to have a good time where's
7:03
I'm trying to have a good time where's that boss are we having a good time I'm
7:05
that boss are we having a good time I'm
7:05
that boss are we having a good time I'm sure any of you that have kids or have
7:06
sure any of you that have kids or have
7:06
sure any of you that have kids or have tried to pull off a vacation with
7:08
tried to pull off a vacation with
7:08
tried to pull off a vacation with multiple people or anything like that
7:10
multiple people or anything like that
7:10
multiple people or anything like that have been through that experience or
7:11
have been through that experience or
7:11
have been through that experience or seen somebody melt down that kind of way
7:13
seen somebody melt down that kind of way
7:13
seen somebody melt down that kind of way but it was interesting because I was
7:16
but it was interesting because I was
7:16
but it was interesting because I was telling London this even I said you know
7:18
telling London this even I said you know
7:18
telling London this even I said you know for all the sort of regrets that I have
7:20
for all the sort of regrets that I have
7:20
for all the sort of regrets that I have in my life
7:21
in my life
7:21
in my life the mistakes or you know worried because
7:24
the mistakes or you know worried because
7:24
the mistakes or you know worried because I had been divorced and all that like
7:26
I had been divorced and all that like
7:26
I had been divorced and all that like worried that he he hasn't stepped out
7:28
worried that he he hasn't stepped out
7:28
worried that he he hasn't stepped out and he's got a step alley and he's got
7:29
and he's got a step alley and he's got
7:29
and he's got a step alley and he's got you know I go at least I can be really
7:33
you know I go at least I can be really
7:33
you know I go at least I can be really grateful that you know your stepdad's
7:35
grateful that you know your stepdad's
7:35
grateful that you know your stepdad's not like that and your your other family
7:37
not like that and your your other family
7:37
not like that and your your other family doesn't fight we don't fight like that
7:39
doesn't fight we don't fight like that
7:39
doesn't fight we don't fight like that and you've at least had that kind of
7:40
and you've at least had that kind of
7:40
and you've at least had that kind of Peace because the way I grew up my
7:43
Peace because the way I grew up my
7:43
Peace because the way I grew up my parents got along really well with each
7:45
parents got along really well with each
7:45
parents got along really well with each other they still do they still like each
7:46
other they still do they still like each
7:46
other they still do they still like each other they're still married I was born
7:48
other they're still married I was born
7:48
other they're still married I was born at the tail end of them being 18. so so
7:52
at the tail end of them being 18. so so
7:52
at the tail end of them being 18. so so I was a I was an early surprise I think
7:54
I was a I was an early surprise I think
7:54
I was a I was an early surprise I think for my parents and uh and they did
7:57
for my parents and uh and they did
7:57
for my parents and uh and they did really well they kept our whole family
7:59
really well they kept our whole family
7:59
really well they kept our whole family together and all that kind of stuff but
8:02
together and all that kind of stuff but
8:02
together and all that kind of stuff but I sort of had it both ways I always say
8:04
I sort of had it both ways I always say
8:04
I sort of had it both ways I always say I kind of grew up with a foot in each
8:05
I kind of grew up with a foot in each
8:05
I kind of grew up with a foot in each world because I had the kind of nuclear
8:07
world because I had the kind of nuclear
8:07
world because I had the kind of nuclear family and one brother and two parents
8:09
family and one brother and two parents
8:09
family and one brother and two parents who were still married to this day we
8:11
who were still married to this day we
8:11
who were still married to this day we all get along with each other to this
8:12
all get along with each other to this
8:12
all get along with each other to this very day
8:13
very day
8:13
very day but everyone I grew up with in the
8:15
but everyone I grew up with in the
8:15
but everyone I grew up with in the neighborhood that I grew up with in
8:18
neighborhood that I grew up with in
8:18
neighborhood that I grew up with in um they are all broken homes and crazy
8:21
um they are all broken homes and crazy
8:21
um they are all broken homes and crazy stuff and then some of my best friends
8:23
stuff and then some of my best friends
8:23
stuff and then some of my best friends who were in the band with me even and
8:25
who were in the band with me even and
8:25
who were in the band with me even and all that kind of stuff had crazy broken
8:27
all that kind of stuff had crazy broken
8:27
all that kind of stuff had crazy broken homes and like drug problems and serious
8:31
homes and like drug problems and serious
8:31
homes and like drug problems and serious domestic violence and issues a lot of
8:33
domestic violence and issues a lot of
8:33
domestic violence and issues a lot of issues and so I also sort of grew up
8:36
issues and so I also sort of grew up
8:36
issues and so I also sort of grew up there
8:37
there we were talking at one of the brothers
8:38
we were talking at one of the brothers
8:38
we were talking at one of the brothers funerals of this family that I sort of
8:40
funerals of this family that I sort of
8:40
funerals of this family that I sort of half grew up in and they were like they
8:42
half grew up in and they were like they
8:42
half grew up in and they were like they gave me the ashes of one of my friend
8:44
gave me the ashes of one of my friend
8:44
gave me the ashes of one of my friend some of the ashes we split them up
8:47
some of the ashes we split them up
8:47
some of the ashes we split them up and they were like you know you're like
8:49
and they were like you know you're like
8:49
and they were like you know you're like an honorary the honorary third or fourth
8:51
an honorary the honorary third or fourth
8:51
an honorary the honorary third or fourth brother because you were there in that
8:53
brother because you were there in that
8:54
brother because you were there in that situation with us and like yeah it's
8:55
situation with us and like yeah it's
8:55
situation with us and like yeah it's weird that I grew up like that
8:58
weird that I grew up like that
8:58
weird that I grew up like that and then for the rest of the night said
9:00
and then for the rest of the night said
9:00
and then for the rest of the night said go home you know what I mean so I've
9:02
go home you know what I mean so I've
9:02
go home you know what I mean so I've seen the way that people grow up with
9:04
seen the way that people grow up with
9:04
seen the way that people grow up with like pain and hardship and stuff like
9:07
like pain and hardship and stuff like
9:07
like pain and hardship and stuff like that and I don't know I think it helped
9:10
that and I don't know I think it helped
9:10
that and I don't know I think it helped me later in life to see that and to
9:12
me later in life to see that and to
9:12
me later in life to see that and to sort of experience it not second hand
9:14
sort of experience it not second hand
9:15
sort of experience it not second hand but not first hand sort of in between
9:17
but not first hand sort of in between
9:17
but not first hand sort of in between and I was always on hand to defend the
9:19
and I was always on hand to defend the
9:19
and I was always on hand to defend the defend my Bros uh whether it was step
9:22
defend my Bros uh whether it was step
9:22
defend my Bros uh whether it was step weird step dads or whatever it was or
9:24
weird step dads or whatever it was or
9:24
weird step dads or whatever it was or even sometimes just you know their own
9:26
even sometimes just you know their own
9:26
even sometimes just you know their own family drama from each other or stop the
9:28
family drama from each other or stop the
9:28
family drama from each other or stop the two the two older brothers from killing
9:29
two the two older brothers from killing
9:29
two the two older brothers from killing each other and uh
9:32
each other and uh
9:32
each other and uh and it's really strange like I think
9:35
and it's really strange like I think
9:35
and it's really strange like I think that did help me see things differently
9:37
that did help me see things differently
9:37
that did help me see things differently in the world one because I don't judge
9:38
in the world one because I don't judge
9:38
in the world one because I don't judge people who are going through that stuff
9:40
people who are going through that stuff
9:40
people who are going through that stuff I know that it happens to good people I
9:43
I know that it happens to good people I
9:43
I know that it happens to good people I know that when you see people going
9:44
know that when you see people going
9:44
know that when you see people going through a really hard time whether it's
9:46
through a really hard time whether it's
9:46
through a really hard time whether it's substance issues or job issues or just
9:49
substance issues or job issues or just
9:49
substance issues or job issues or just just desperate poverty or drama or over
9:54
just desperate poverty or drama or over
9:54
just desperate poverty or drama or over emotional crazy stuff fighting in the
9:56
emotional crazy stuff fighting in the
9:56
emotional crazy stuff fighting in the family broken homes
9:58
family broken homes
9:58
family broken homes I've been with those people and you know
10:00
I've been with those people and you know
10:00
I've been with those people and you know that that their lowest moments are not
10:02
that that their lowest moments are not
10:02
that that their lowest moments are not who they are and you can see the Beauty
10:04
who they are and you can see the Beauty
10:04
who they are and you can see the Beauty and the love and the wonderful stuff in
10:05
and the love and the wonderful stuff in
10:05
and the love and the wonderful stuff in families like that and you know friends
10:07
families like that and you know friends
10:07
families like that and you know friends like that or you're around people like
10:08
like that or you're around people like
10:09
like that or you're around people like that and you know I told my friend who
10:12
that and you know I told my friend who
10:12
that and you know I told my friend who grew up and got out of that and he just
10:14
grew up and got out of that and he just
10:14
grew up and got out of that and he just recently had a kid of his own I go dude
10:15
recently had a kid of his own I go dude
10:15
recently had a kid of his own I go dude you're going to learn lessons from your
10:17
you're going to learn lessons from your
10:17
you're going to learn lessons from your upbringing
10:18
upbringing
10:18
upbringing where you don't have to repeat the cycle
10:20
where you don't have to repeat the cycle
10:20
where you don't have to repeat the cycle and I go I'm kind of grateful that I
10:22
and I go I'm kind of grateful that I
10:22
and I go I'm kind of grateful that I sort of half grew up in your family
10:23
sort of half grew up in your family
10:23
sort of half grew up in your family because I think it taught me a lot of
10:25
because I think it taught me a lot of
10:25
because I think it taught me a lot of lessons on like being patient talking a
10:29
lessons on like being patient talking a
10:29
lessons on like being patient talking a lot and explaining when I get upset
10:30
lot and explaining when I get upset
10:30
lot and explaining when I get upset explaining it to my own kid and stuff
10:33
explaining it to my own kid and stuff
10:33
explaining it to my own kid and stuff like that anyway it's a weird kind of
10:35
like that anyway it's a weird kind of
10:35
like that anyway it's a weird kind of thing but it was just in my brain as I'm
10:37
thing but it was just in my brain as I'm
10:37
thing but it was just in my brain as I'm taking a walk on the beach and I'm just
10:39
taking a walk on the beach and I'm just
10:39
taking a walk on the beach and I'm just thinking over my past and my friend's
10:41
thinking over my past and my friend's
10:41
thinking over my past and my friend's past and my son's past and his future
10:45
past and my son's past and his future
10:45
past and my son's past and his future and even though you know things didn't
10:48
and even though you know things didn't
10:48
and even though you know things didn't go correctly according to plan I was
10:50
go correctly according to plan I was
10:50
go correctly according to plan I was thinking there is a lot of things I can
10:52
thinking there is a lot of things I can
10:52
thinking there is a lot of things I can be grateful for and how Lennon was able
10:54
be grateful for and how Lennon was able
10:54
be grateful for and how Lennon was able to grow up and stuff like that and even
10:55
to grow up and stuff like that and even
10:55
to grow up and stuff like that and even though like for example we didn't get
10:56
though like for example we didn't get
10:56
though like for example we didn't get away on a two-month road trip or
10:57
away on a two-month road trip or
10:57
away on a two-month road trip or anything we only wait for a couple days
10:59
anything we only wait for a couple days
10:59
anything we only wait for a couple days super grateful that we got to do it and
11:01
super grateful that we got to do it and
11:01
super grateful that we got to do it and spend this time together even if he is
11:03
spend this time together even if he is
11:03
spend this time together even if he is 16
11:04
16
11:04
16 and sort of wants to drive me up the
11:05
and sort of wants to drive me up the
11:05
and sort of wants to drive me up the wall or I drive him up the wall or
11:07
wall or I drive him up the wall or
11:07
wall or I drive him up the wall or something like that at different times
11:09
something like that at different times
11:09
something like that at different times you know how teenagers are so uh just
11:12
you know how teenagers are so uh just
11:12
you know how teenagers are so uh just thinking over stuff like that not
11:13
thinking over stuff like that not
11:13
thinking over stuff like that not putting myself higher or lower than
11:15
putting myself higher or lower than
11:15
putting myself higher or lower than anyone in any other situation in fact I
11:18
anyone in any other situation in fact I
11:18
anyone in any other situation in fact I think I tend to err on the side of
11:20
think I tend to err on the side of
11:20
think I tend to err on the side of um going too far the opposite way of
11:23
um going too far the opposite way of
11:23
um going too far the opposite way of like feeling pride and just always
11:24
like feeling pride and just always
11:24
like feeling pride and just always feeling like I'm a failure I'm one of
11:26
feeling like I'm a failure I'm one of
11:26
feeling like I'm a failure I'm one of those people that's my default thing if
11:27
those people that's my default thing if
11:27
those people that's my default thing if I'm in an argument with someone
11:29
I'm in an argument with someone
11:29
I'm in an argument with someone if I'm the one who's like you did
11:31
if I'm the one who's like you did
11:31
if I'm the one who's like you did something wrong to me it takes me a long
11:33
something wrong to me it takes me a long
11:33
something wrong to me it takes me a long time to get there it it's always first I
11:35
time to get there it it's always first I
11:35
time to get there it it's always first I beat myself up for a long time thinking
11:38
beat myself up for a long time thinking
11:38
beat myself up for a long time thinking what have I done wrong what have I done
11:40
what have I done wrong what have I done
11:40
what have I done wrong what have I done to deserve this what have I done to pull
11:42
to deserve this what have I done to pull
11:42
to deserve this what have I done to pull this in all that kind of stuff that is
11:43
this in all that kind of stuff that is
11:43
this in all that kind of stuff that is sort of my default mental position and
11:46
sort of my default mental position and
11:46
sort of my default mental position and it's pretty unhealthy and it led to me
11:48
it's pretty unhealthy and it led to me
11:48
it's pretty unhealthy and it led to me it really fed into
11:51
it really fed into
11:51
it really fed into anxiety problems into depression stuff
11:53
anxiety problems into depression stuff
11:53
anxiety problems into depression stuff that I would have anyway as I was
11:56
that I would have anyway as I was
11:56
that I would have anyway as I was growing up and when I was a younger man
11:58
growing up and when I was a younger man
11:58
growing up and when I was a younger man and let me tell you it's like it's a
12:02
and let me tell you it's like it's a
12:02
and let me tell you it's like it's a healthy attitude versus being like super
12:03
healthy attitude versus being like super
12:03
healthy attitude versus being like super prideful and cocky and narcissistic and
12:05
prideful and cocky and narcissistic and
12:05
prideful and cocky and narcissistic and never thinking you're wrong it's
12:07
never thinking you're wrong it's
12:07
never thinking you're wrong it's probably healthier than that in some
12:08
probably healthier than that in some
12:08
probably healthier than that in some ways but it can also be sort of toxic in
12:10
ways but it can also be sort of toxic in
12:10
ways but it can also be sort of toxic in its own right to always blame yourself
12:12
its own right to always blame yourself
12:12
its own right to always blame yourself to always like pull that in and
12:15
to always like pull that in and
12:15
to always like pull that in and internalize that you know like
12:19
internalize that you know like
12:19
internalize that you know like London's mom and I got divorced and so
12:21
London's mom and I got divorced and so
12:21
London's mom and I got divorced and so that means I'm a failure and and I
12:23
that means I'm a failure and and I
12:23
that means I'm a failure and and I raised them like a failure and if I
12:25
raised them like a failure and if I
12:25
raised them like a failure and if I didn't get to do the perfect plan and
12:27
didn't get to do the perfect plan and
12:27
didn't get to do the perfect plan and and take him to Disney World every
12:29
and take him to Disney World every
12:29
and take him to Disney World every single summer then I'm a failure or
12:31
single summer then I'm a failure or
12:31
single summer then I'm a failure or whatever whatever it is just insert any
12:33
whatever whatever it is just insert any
12:33
whatever whatever it is just insert any kind of example of thing
12:35
kind of example of thing
12:35
kind of example of thing and the only reason I'm bringing this up
12:36
and the only reason I'm bringing this up
12:36
and the only reason I'm bringing this up kind of is because
12:38
kind of is because
12:38
kind of is because there are these weird little moments
12:40
there are these weird little moments
12:40
there are these weird little moments whether they're whether they're seeing
12:42
whether they're whether they're seeing
12:42
whether they're whether they're seeing someone in a worse position than you and
12:43
someone in a worse position than you and
12:43
someone in a worse position than you and going okay well I'm grateful that it's
12:46
going okay well I'm grateful that it's
12:46
going okay well I'm grateful that it's not that bad which seems kind of
12:47
not that bad which seems kind of
12:47
not that bad which seems kind of voyeuristically wrong to like like pain
12:50
voyeuristically wrong to like like pain
12:50
voyeuristically wrong to like like pain tourism I don't mean it in that kind of
12:52
tourism I don't mean it in that kind of
12:52
tourism I don't mean it in that kind of a way it's really hard I think you
12:53
a way it's really hard I think you
12:53
a way it's really hard I think you understand what I'm trying to say or
12:55
understand what I'm trying to say or
12:55
understand what I'm trying to say or whether it's just literally sitting
12:57
whether it's just literally sitting
12:57
whether it's just literally sitting there and breathing and thinking and
12:58
there and breathing and thinking and
12:58
there and breathing and thinking and taking stock of well what actually
13:00
taking stock of well what actually
13:00
taking stock of well what actually happened and stuff like that there is a
13:02
happened and stuff like that there is a
13:02
happened and stuff like that there is a lot to be grateful for I just want to
13:05
lot to be grateful for I just want to
13:05
lot to be grateful for I just want to put it out there I'm only bringing this
13:06
put it out there I'm only bringing this
13:06
put it out there I'm only bringing this up because I know there must be a lot of
13:09
up because I know there must be a lot of
13:09
up because I know there must be a lot of you out there who are dads Sons Mothers
13:13
you out there who are dads Sons Mothers
13:13
you out there who are dads Sons Mothers Daughters sister brother Uncle cousins
13:14
Daughters sister brother Uncle cousins
13:14
Daughters sister brother Uncle cousins uh who have felt the same way you know
13:17
uh who have felt the same way you know
13:17
uh who have felt the same way you know did I raise my kids right do they do
13:19
did I raise my kids right do they do
13:19
did I raise my kids right do they do everything that I could do for them you
13:22
everything that I could do for them you
13:22
everything that I could do for them you know am I a failure or maybe you feel
13:25
know am I a failure or maybe you feel
13:25
know am I a failure or maybe you feel that way in your relationships with uh
13:27
that way in your relationships with uh
13:27
that way in your relationships with uh whether it's a significant other or a
13:29
whether it's a significant other or a
13:29
whether it's a significant other or a family member or parents you feel that
13:31
family member or parents you feel that
13:31
family member or parents you feel that way towards your parents now am I a
13:33
way towards your parents now am I a
13:33
way towards your parents now am I a failure did I do everything wrong and
13:35
failure did I do everything wrong and
13:35
failure did I do everything wrong and you just maybe you've taken that to
13:36
you just maybe you've taken that to
13:36
you just maybe you've taken that to heart the way that I have many times in
13:38
heart the way that I have many times in
13:38
heart the way that I have many times in my life and just feel dismally like your
13:41
my life and just feel dismally like your
13:41
my life and just feel dismally like your face failed and maybe maybe it's even so
13:44
face failed and maybe maybe it's even so
13:44
face failed and maybe maybe it's even so bad that sometimes you can't think of
13:45
bad that sometimes you can't think of
13:45
bad that sometimes you can't think of anything worse to compare it to or
13:47
anything worse to compare it to or
13:47
anything worse to compare it to or anything
13:48
anything
13:48
anything I just want to say I don't think you're
13:50
I just want to say I don't think you're
13:50
I just want to say I don't think you're the failure that you think you are
13:52
the failure that you think you are
13:52
the failure that you think you are because I get like that I think oh man
13:53
because I get like that I think oh man
13:53
because I get like that I think oh man I'm a failure I have failed and it's
13:56
I'm a failure I have failed and it's
13:56
I'm a failure I have failed and it's just horrible you know so whenever I'm
13:58
just horrible you know so whenever I'm
13:58
just horrible you know so whenever I'm having I did that I do that with little
14:00
having I did that I do that with little
14:00
having I did that I do that with little things I do that like if I'm having car
14:01
things I do that like if I'm having car
14:01
things I do that like if I'm having car trouble I'm like oh I'm a failure you
14:04
trouble I'm like oh I'm a failure you
14:04
trouble I'm like oh I'm a failure you know and uh you just get one life
14:07
know and uh you just get one life
14:07
know and uh you just get one life it's not a contest there's not an exact
14:10
it's not a contest there's not an exact
14:10
it's not a contest there's not an exact path that everyone's meant to follow
14:11
path that everyone's meant to follow
14:11
path that everyone's meant to follow even the path that we've laid out in our
14:13
even the path that we've laid out in our
14:13
even the path that we've laid out in our own minds and just because everything
14:15
own minds and just because everything
14:15
own minds and just because everything doesn't go according to plan doesn't
14:17
doesn't go according to plan doesn't
14:17
doesn't go according to plan doesn't mean that it's a failure oh look at this
14:19
mean that it's a failure oh look at this
14:19
mean that it's a failure oh look at this dead crab right here now the dead crab
14:22
dead crab right here now the dead crab
14:22
dead crab right here now the dead crab he has failed he is he is dead but it's
14:24
he has failed he is he is dead but it's
14:24
he has failed he is he is dead but it's not over until you're a dead crab it's
14:27
not over until you're a dead crab it's
14:27
not over until you're a dead crab it's not over until you're a dead crab and
14:30
not over until you're a dead crab and
14:30
not over until you're a dead crab and that's what I'm walking around on the
14:32
that's what I'm walking around on the
14:32
that's what I'm walking around on the beach reminding myself that for every
14:34
beach reminding myself that for every
14:34
beach reminding myself that for every failure
14:35
failure
14:35
failure There's an opportunity to overcome or do
14:38
There's an opportunity to overcome or do
14:38
There's an opportunity to overcome or do one better the next time or learn right
14:40
one better the next time or learn right
14:40
one better the next time or learn right like I was carving um some stuff and
14:45
like I was carving um some stuff and
14:45
like I was carving um some stuff and carving these big logs into like uh
14:47
carving these big logs into like uh
14:47
carving these big logs into like uh they're like half rounded pieces of wood
14:49
they're like half rounded pieces of wood
14:49
they're like half rounded pieces of wood and I've done two of them and uh like I
14:53
and I've done two of them and uh like I
14:53
and I've done two of them and uh like I carved the one big giant Tiki right out
14:56
carved the one big giant Tiki right out
14:56
carved the one big giant Tiki right out of a round log and I've carved lots of
14:57
of a round log and I've carved lots of
14:57
of a round log and I've carved lots of tiki masks that I think look pretty good
14:59
tiki masks that I think look pretty good
14:59
tiki masks that I think look pretty good like I was I was trust me I was
15:01
like I was I was trust me I was
15:01
like I was I was trust me I was surprising myself
15:03
surprising myself
15:03
surprising myself they're like wow like I'm getting the
15:04
they're like wow like I'm getting the
15:04
they're like wow like I'm getting the hang of this thing right so I got these
15:06
hang of this thing right so I got these
15:06
hang of this thing right so I got these like sort of rounded portions of a log
15:08
like sort of rounded portions of a log
15:08
like sort of rounded portions of a log like oh I'll kind of do like a I've seen
15:10
like oh I'll kind of do like a I've seen
15:10
like oh I'll kind of do like a I've seen flat masks I've done that I've now I've
15:12
flat masks I've done that I've now I've
15:12
flat masks I've done that I've now I've done a round Tiki I've seen that I've
15:14
done a round Tiki I've seen that I've
15:14
done a round Tiki I've seen that I've never seen anyone do like sort of half
15:15
never seen anyone do like sort of half
15:15
never seen anyone do like sort of half round like a half Tiki or a third round
15:18
round like a half Tiki or a third round
15:18
round like a half Tiki or a third round of a tiki anyway it's hard to describe
15:20
of a tiki anyway it's hard to describe
15:20
of a tiki anyway it's hard to describe what I'm talking about unless I had a
15:21
what I'm talking about unless I had a
15:21
what I'm talking about unless I had a piece of log here to show you
15:24
piece of log here to show you
15:24
piece of log here to show you but basically I went to town on these
15:26
but basically I went to town on these
15:26
but basically I went to town on these pieces of wood
15:27
pieces of wood
15:27
pieces of wood and I was showing the results to a
15:29
and I was showing the results to a
15:29
and I was showing the results to a friend and I go well at least I've
15:31
friend and I go well at least I've
15:31
friend and I go well at least I've learned how to not
15:32
learned how to not
15:32
learned how to not make a tiki
15:34
make a tiki
15:34
make a tiki at least I've learned how to not carve
15:36
at least I've learned how to not carve
15:36
at least I've learned how to not carve that sign at least I've learned how to
15:38
that sign at least I've learned how to
15:38
that sign at least I've learned how to not have an argument with your
15:40
not have an argument with your
15:40
not have an argument with your significant other at least I've learned
15:41
significant other at least I've learned
15:41
significant other at least I've learned how to not uh go do a job interview at
15:45
how to not uh go do a job interview at
15:45
how to not uh go do a job interview at least I've learned how to not purchase a
15:47
least I've learned how to not purchase a
15:47
least I've learned how to not purchase a used vehicle you know what I mean so
15:50
used vehicle you know what I mean so
15:50
used vehicle you know what I mean so I don't think all hope is lost just
15:51
I don't think all hope is lost just
15:51
I don't think all hope is lost just because we fail I think that the
15:53
because we fail I think that the
15:54
because we fail I think that the difference between truly failing and
15:57
difference between truly failing and
15:57
difference between truly failing and learning something and succeeding from
15:59
learning something and succeeding from
15:59
learning something and succeeding from it because you've learned something or
16:01
it because you've learned something or
16:01
it because you've learned something or night and day and you can kind of turn
16:03
night and day and you can kind of turn
16:03
night and day and you can kind of turn any frown upside down if you're if you
16:05
any frown upside down if you're if you
16:05
any frown upside down if you're if you put yourself in the right frame of mind
16:07
put yourself in the right frame of mind
16:07
put yourself in the right frame of mind but it's difficult sometimes the stress
16:09
but it's difficult sometimes the stress
16:09
but it's difficult sometimes the stress is overwhelming sometimes that feeling
16:10
is overwhelming sometimes that feeling
16:10
is overwhelming sometimes that feeling sometimes that vision of what you wanted
16:12
sometimes that vision of what you wanted
16:12
sometimes that vision of what you wanted to happen is so strong you know and then
16:15
to happen is so strong you know and then
16:15
to happen is so strong you know and then when you fall short or it goes a
16:17
when you fall short or it goes a
16:17
when you fall short or it goes a different way I mean I'm just speaking
16:19
different way I mean I'm just speaking
16:19
different way I mean I'm just speaking for myself I could really beat myself up
16:22
for myself I could really beat myself up
16:22
for myself I could really beat myself up about this so I'm only really sharing
16:23
about this so I'm only really sharing
16:23
about this so I'm only really sharing thoughts that I'm going around when I
16:25
thoughts that I'm going around when I
16:25
thoughts that I'm going around when I say you I'm using the Royal you and I
16:26
say you I'm using the Royal you and I
16:26
say you I'm using the Royal you and I say we I'm using the Royal we because
16:28
say we I'm using the Royal we because
16:28
say we I'm using the Royal we because it's just this is all spinning around my
16:30
it's just this is all spinning around my
16:30
it's just this is all spinning around my mind as we've come into the hotel
16:31
mind as we've come into the hotel
16:31
mind as we've come into the hotel London's relaxed he's eating Subway he's
16:33
London's relaxed he's eating Subway he's
16:33
London's relaxed he's eating Subway he's like
16:34
like
16:34
like to the beach with me ah you know a
16:37
to the beach with me ah you know a
16:37
to the beach with me ah you know a cloudy Beach Walk no thanks and so I'm
16:40
cloudy Beach Walk no thanks and so I'm
16:40
cloudy Beach Walk no thanks and so I'm just out here at sunset
16:41
just out here at sunset
16:41
just out here at sunset thinking over my life thinking over my
16:43
thinking over my life thinking over my
16:43
thinking over my life thinking over my failures
16:44
failures
16:44
failures thinking over the things where things
16:47
thinking over the things where things
16:48
thinking over the things where things actually did go according to plan not
16:49
actually did go according to plan not
16:49
actually did go according to plan not many times and that's the real crazy
16:51
many times and that's the real crazy
16:51
many times and that's the real crazy part not much has gone
16:54
part not much has gone
16:54
part not much has gone according to plan
16:56
according to plan
16:56
according to plan in my life at all
16:58
in my life at all
16:58
in my life at all I wanted to make stuff I wanted to be
17:01
I wanted to make stuff I wanted to be
17:01
I wanted to make stuff I wanted to be like a a muppeteer
17:04
like a a muppeteer
17:04
like a a muppeteer or grow up and be like the guy in the
17:07
or grow up and be like the guy in the
17:07
or grow up and be like the guy in the goofy suit at Disneyland or something I
17:08
goofy suit at Disneyland or something I
17:08
goofy suit at Disneyland or something I wanted to do stuff with puppets I wanted
17:10
wanted to do stuff with puppets I wanted
17:10
wanted to do stuff with puppets I wanted to be a director and a filmmaker
17:12
to be a director and a filmmaker
17:12
to be a director and a filmmaker then when I got to teenage years it was
17:14
then when I got to teenage years it was
17:14
then when I got to teenage years it was like that's really impossible this is
17:16
like that's really impossible this is
17:16
like that's really impossible this is pre a YouTube situation pre really
17:19
pre a YouTube situation pre really
17:19
pre a YouTube situation pre really pre-social Media or Internet or any kind
17:21
pre-social Media or Internet or any kind
17:21
pre-social Media or Internet or any kind of way to get into that stuff unless you
17:22
of way to get into that stuff unless you
17:22
of way to get into that stuff unless you knew somebody who knew somebody or that
17:23
knew somebody who knew somebody or that
17:23
knew somebody who knew somebody or that kind of thing
17:24
kind of thing
17:24
kind of thing and so I was like well the one cool
17:27
and so I was like well the one cool
17:27
and so I was like well the one cool thing where you can make art and you can
17:29
thing where you can make art and you can
17:30
thing where you can make art and you can make creative stuff and people will hear
17:31
make creative stuff and people will hear
17:31
make creative stuff and people will hear it and listen to it because it was
17:32
it and listen to it because it was
17:32
it and listen to it because it was thriving in the 90s and in the early
17:35
thriving in the 90s and in the early
17:35
thriving in the 90s and in the early 2000s was the music scene right
17:37
2000s was the music scene right
17:37
2000s was the music scene right especially the independent music scene
17:38
especially the independent music scene
17:38
especially the independent music scene the punk rock music scene and I got
17:40
the punk rock music scene and I got
17:40
the punk rock music scene and I got totally fell into that world so my dream
17:43
totally fell into that world so my dream
17:43
totally fell into that world so my dream changed and then it was like okay my new
17:45
changed and then it was like okay my new
17:45
changed and then it was like okay my new dream is I want to be Joe Strummer right
17:48
dream is I want to be Joe Strummer right
17:48
dream is I want to be Joe Strummer right I want to do some like really cool stuff
17:50
I want to do some like really cool stuff
17:50
I want to do some like really cool stuff like The Clash I want to make some cool
17:51
like The Clash I want to make some cool
17:51
like The Clash I want to make some cool inspiring lasting music and I really
17:55
inspiring lasting music and I really
17:55
inspiring lasting music and I really want to write lyrics about what's going
17:56
want to write lyrics about what's going
17:56
want to write lyrics about what's going on in my crazy Minds all the anxiety and
17:59
on in my crazy Minds all the anxiety and
17:59
on in my crazy Minds all the anxiety and everything and put it out there
18:00
everything and put it out there
18:00
everything and put it out there hopefully someone will understand it
18:02
hopefully someone will understand it
18:02
hopefully someone will understand it they'll Hear It They'll make a
18:03
they'll Hear It They'll make a
18:03
they'll Hear It They'll make a connection with it and they'll love that
18:04
connection with it and they'll love that
18:04
connection with it and they'll love that music the way that I love other music
18:07
music the way that I love other music
18:07
music the way that I love other music well that never really happened first of
18:09
well that never really happened first of
18:09
well that never really happened first of all we never sounded like The Clash I
18:10
all we never sounded like The Clash I
18:10
all we never sounded like The Clash I wish everyone was like yeah sound like
18:12
wish everyone was like yeah sound like
18:12
wish everyone was like yeah sound like Green Day like oh we're trying to sell
18:13
Green Day like oh we're trying to sell
18:13
Green Day like oh we're trying to sell like The Clash nothing wrong with
18:14
like The Clash nothing wrong with
18:14
like The Clash nothing wrong with sounding like green day just that wasn't
18:15
sounding like green day just that wasn't
18:15
sounding like green day just that wasn't the goal
18:16
the goal
18:16
the goal and in a scene we were in that didn't
18:18
and in a scene we were in that didn't
18:18
and in a scene we were in that didn't work and then we got signed to a label
18:21
work and then we got signed to a label
18:21
work and then we got signed to a label we were touring we got signed to a
18:22
we were touring we got signed to a
18:22
we were touring we got signed to a record label the dream was almost there
18:24
record label the dream was almost there
18:24
record label the dream was almost there to an independent record label but they
18:26
to an independent record label but they
18:26
to an independent record label but they actually the independent scene was
18:28
actually the independent scene was
18:28
actually the independent scene was getting so big their distributor we
18:30
getting so big their distributor we
18:30
getting so big their distributor we didn't know this until after we signed
18:31
didn't know this until after we signed
18:31
didn't know this until after we signed was actually had just become Universal
18:33
was actually had just become Universal
18:33
was actually had just become Universal records so when our album first album on
18:37
records so when our album first album on
18:37
records so when our album first album on that label came out it was everywhere I
18:39
that label came out it was everywhere I
18:39
that label came out it was everywhere I got that moment where I walked into
18:41
got that moment where I walked into
18:41
got that moment where I walked into Tower Records my record was there I'm on
18:43
Tower Records my record was there I'm on
18:43
Tower Records my record was there I'm on the East Coast I walk into a Best Buy my
18:45
the East Coast I walk into a Best Buy my
18:45
the East Coast I walk into a Best Buy my record is there and more importantly and
18:47
record is there and more importantly and
18:47
record is there and more importantly and bigger deal at the time virgin Megastore
18:50
bigger deal at the time virgin Megastore
18:50
bigger deal at the time virgin Megastore I think we had end caps in some of the
18:51
I think we had end caps in some of the
18:51
I think we had end caps in some of the cities on the east coast and it was like
18:53
cities on the east coast and it was like
18:54
cities on the east coast and it was like dude this is Big Time this is everywhere
18:55
dude this is Big Time this is everywhere
18:55
dude this is Big Time this is everywhere it was online everywhere which is a big
18:57
it was online everywhere which is a big
18:57
it was online everywhere which is a big deal back then it's on Amazon which was
18:59
deal back then it's on Amazon which was
18:59
deal back then it's on Amazon which was like impossible I mean now anyone can
19:00
like impossible I mean now anyone can
19:00
like impossible I mean now anyone can put anything on Amazon but not at the
19:01
put anything on Amazon but not at the
19:01
put anything on Amazon but not at the time
19:02
time
19:02
time it was like oh my gosh it's happening
19:04
it was like oh my gosh it's happening
19:04
it was like oh my gosh it's happening the show's started to blow up we started
19:06
the show's started to blow up we started
19:06
the show's started to blow up we started getting offers to tour with people and
19:08
getting offers to tour with people and
19:08
getting offers to tour with people and play with people that were big and then
19:10
play with people that were big and then
19:10
play with people that were big and then the financial collapse thing happened in
19:12
the financial collapse thing happened in
19:12
the financial collapse thing happened in 2007.
19:13
2007.
19:13
2007. uh the same year that my kid was born so
19:16
uh the same year that my kid was born so
19:16
uh the same year that my kid was born so it was like cool we're gonna have a kid
19:17
it was like cool we're gonna have a kid
19:17
it was like cool we're gonna have a kid we got this van we were making a little
19:19
we got this van we were making a little
19:19
we got this van we were making a little bit of money from touring now and
19:20
bit of money from touring now and
19:20
bit of money from touring now and hopefully this will become you know like
19:22
hopefully this will become you know like
19:22
hopefully this will become you know like this is it this will be our lives the
19:25
this is it this will be our lives the
19:25
this is it this will be our lives the dream the dream is Right within sight
19:27
dream the dream is Right within sight
19:27
dream the dream is Right within sight and then the financial collapse happened
19:30
and then the financial collapse happened
19:30
and then the financial collapse happened um almost every independent distributor
19:32
um almost every independent distributor
19:32
um almost every independent distributor went out of business tons of bands that
19:34
went out of business tons of bands that
19:34
went out of business tons of bands that were at our size the bands that were
19:36
were at our size the bands that were
19:36
were at our size the bands that were just kind of foot just the toe in the
19:38
just kind of foot just the toe in the
19:38
just kind of foot just the toe in the door not quite over the hump of being
19:40
door not quite over the hump of being
19:40
door not quite over the hump of being bit too big to fail in any way uh all
19:43
bit too big to fail in any way uh all
19:43
bit too big to fail in any way uh all got dropped from labels or in our case
19:45
got dropped from labels or in our case
19:45
got dropped from labels or in our case our label went out of business because
19:46
our label went out of business because
19:46
our label went out of business because without the Distributors uh because a
19:49
without the Distributors uh because a
19:49
without the Distributors uh because a lot of the big Distributors like theirs
19:50
lot of the big Distributors like theirs
19:50
lot of the big Distributors like theirs dropped a lot of the labels off their
19:52
dropped a lot of the labels off their
19:52
dropped a lot of the labels off their distribution roster to concentrate
19:53
distribution roster to concentrate
19:53
distribution roster to concentrate because all the record stores started
19:55
because all the record stores started
19:55
because all the record stores started closing Tower Records so I was like we
19:57
closing Tower Records so I was like we
19:57
closing Tower Records so I was like we got in the door right before the
19:59
got in the door right before the
19:59
got in the door right before the disaster it's like it's almost like
20:01
disaster it's like it's almost like
20:01
disaster it's like it's almost like getting approved for membership and
20:03
getting approved for membership and
20:03
getting approved for membership and finally having the money to to be a
20:04
finally having the money to to be a
20:04
finally having the money to to be a member of Club 33 and on your first
20:06
member of Club 33 and on your first
20:06
member of Club 33 and on your first visit you're halfway up the stairs at
20:08
visit you're halfway up the stairs at
20:08
visit you're halfway up the stairs at Disneyland I'm gonna see it I'm gonna
20:09
Disneyland I'm gonna see it I'm gonna
20:09
Disneyland I'm gonna see it I'm gonna get into Club 33 and they tell you oh
20:12
get into Club 33 and they tell you oh
20:12
get into Club 33 and they tell you oh sorry we're shutting Club 33 down it was
20:14
sorry we're shutting Club 33 down it was
20:14
sorry we're shutting Club 33 down it was almost like that
20:15
almost like that
20:15
almost like that and of course at the same time I got
20:17
and of course at the same time I got
20:17
and of course at the same time I got really ill with the celiac disease
20:19
really ill with the celiac disease
20:19
really ill with the celiac disease that's the whole life I don't want to
20:20
that's the whole life I don't want to
20:20
that's the whole life I don't want to recap my whole life story
20:22
recap my whole life story
20:22
recap my whole life story but the the point is is that that was my
20:25
but the the point is is that that was my
20:25
but the the point is is that that was my dream then I was stay-at-home dad with
20:28
dream then I was stay-at-home dad with
20:28
dream then I was stay-at-home dad with illness never a dream but that was those
20:30
illness never a dream but that was those
20:30
illness never a dream but that was those were wonderful years looking back my
20:31
were wonderful years looking back my
20:31
were wonderful years looking back my small son when we were buddies I could
20:33
small son when we were buddies I could
20:33
small son when we were buddies I could have had 10 kids I love kids I
20:35
have had 10 kids I love kids I
20:35
have had 10 kids I love kids I understand kids they understand me I
20:37
understand kids they understand me I
20:37
understand kids they understand me I mean I could have run a daycare center
20:39
mean I could have run a daycare center
20:39
mean I could have run a daycare center or something like that because I just I
20:40
or something like that because I just I
20:40
or something like that because I just I don't I don't mind kids uh the smaller
20:43
don't I don't mind kids uh the smaller
20:43
don't I don't mind kids uh the smaller the better my mom is funny because she's
20:45
the better my mom is funny because she's
20:45
the better my mom is funny because she's she's like less interested in the babies
20:46
she's like less interested in the babies
20:46
she's like less interested in the babies she's like give them to me when they're
20:48
she's like give them to me when they're
20:48
she's like give them to me when they're 12 or 13. they're more interesting to
20:50
12 or 13. they're more interesting to
20:50
12 or 13. they're more interesting to talk to and all that kind of stuff and
20:51
talk to and all that kind of stuff and
20:51
talk to and all that kind of stuff and I'm like I love babies babies are so God
20:54
I'm like I love babies babies are so God
20:54
I'm like I love babies babies are so God babies are so cute they're so perfect
20:55
babies are so cute they're so perfect
20:55
babies are so cute they're so perfect just little just little jelly things I
20:58
just little just little jelly things I
20:58
just little just little jelly things I love it when kids get old enough to talk
20:59
love it when kids get old enough to talk
20:59
love it when kids get old enough to talk and they just tell you things you've got
21:02
and they just tell you things you've got
21:02
and they just tell you things you've got a really round face or whatever whatever
21:04
a really round face or whatever whatever
21:04
a really round face or whatever whatever little kid things they say it was those
21:07
little kid things they say it was those
21:07
little kid things they say it was those were great years in a way but during
21:09
were great years in a way but during
21:09
were great years in a way but during those years I was definitely not living
21:11
those years I was definitely not living
21:11
those years I was definitely not living the life that I thought I was going to
21:13
the life that I thought I was going to
21:13
the life that I thought I was going to be living I was definitely not able to
21:15
be living I was definitely not able to
21:15
be living I was definitely not able to travel to do anything to pursue any kind
21:17
travel to do anything to pursue any kind
21:17
travel to do anything to pursue any kind of passion any kind of art other than
21:19
of passion any kind of art other than
21:19
of passion any kind of art other than some graphic design for other people the
21:21
some graphic design for other people the
21:21
some graphic design for other people the band was just
21:23
band was just
21:23
band was just I can remember actually
21:25
I can remember actually
21:25
I can remember actually probably 2006 or so
21:27
probably 2006 or so
21:27
probably 2006 or so Joe Lujan the manager of the Showcase
21:29
Joe Lujan the manager of the Showcase
21:29
Joe Lujan the manager of the Showcase Theater once told me he goes yeah you
21:31
Theater once told me he goes yeah you
21:31
Theater once told me he goes yeah you guys are doing great you're selling the
21:32
guys are doing great you're selling the
21:32
guys are doing great you're selling the place out now you're getting bigger and
21:33
place out now you're getting bigger and
21:33
place out now you're getting bigger and bigger he goes just one thing never get
21:35
bigger he goes just one thing never get
21:36
bigger he goes just one thing never get stuck and not 18 and up or 21 and up
21:38
stuck and not 18 and up or 21 and up
21:38
stuck and not 18 and up or 21 and up World in those bar World once you get in
21:39
World in those bar World once you get in
21:39
World in those bar World once you get in that world
21:41
that world
21:41
that world you never come back out to that all ages
21:43
you never come back out to that all ages
21:43
you never come back out to that all ages scene to Growing you're it's your
21:45
scene to Growing you're it's your
21:45
scene to Growing you're it's your plateau
21:46
plateau
21:46
plateau and after all that Financial collapse of
21:48
and after all that Financial collapse of
21:48
and after all that Financial collapse of so many venues shut down that that's
21:51
so many venues shut down that that's
21:51
so many venues shut down that that's where we were we're playing bars and
21:52
where we were we're playing bars and
21:52
where we were we're playing bars and stuff like this just ah
21:54
stuff like this just ah
21:54
stuff like this just ah and so it took a long long long time
21:57
and so it took a long long long time
21:57
and so it took a long long long time before I finally accepted dude the
22:00
before I finally accepted dude the
22:00
before I finally accepted dude the definition of insanity is repeating
22:02
definition of insanity is repeating
22:02
definition of insanity is repeating something over and over and expecting
22:04
something over and over and expecting
22:04
something over and over and expecting different results I've got to do
22:06
different results I've got to do
22:06
different results I've got to do something to change and I had become so
22:07
something to change and I had become so
22:07
something to change and I had become so cynical so jaded
22:08
cynical so jaded
22:09
cynical so jaded so miserable just because I wasn't on
22:12
so miserable just because I wasn't on
22:12
so miserable just because I wasn't on the path that I thought I should be on
22:13
the path that I thought I should be on
22:13
the path that I thought I should be on right I just had this Vivid picture of
22:16
right I just had this Vivid picture of
22:16
right I just had this Vivid picture of just multiple paths but I wasn't on any
22:18
just multiple paths but I wasn't on any
22:18
just multiple paths but I wasn't on any of them I was sitting around and just
22:20
of them I was sitting around and just
22:20
of them I was sitting around and just rotting away really and I released one
22:24
rotting away really and I released one
22:24
rotting away really and I released one last good album with the band and just
22:26
last good album with the band and just
22:26
last good album with the band and just struggled to do all kinds of stuff and
22:27
struggled to do all kinds of stuff and
22:27
struggled to do all kinds of stuff and then a bunch of things went wrong
22:29
then a bunch of things went wrong
22:29
then a bunch of things went wrong that weren't my fault but in in you know
22:32
that weren't my fault but in in you know
22:32
that weren't my fault but in in you know looking backwards or
22:34
looking backwards or
22:34
looking backwards or kind of blessings in Disguise I kind of
22:36
kind of blessings in Disguise I kind of
22:36
kind of blessings in Disguise I kind of write about this in my book that will be
22:38
write about this in my book that will be
22:38
write about this in my book that will be coming out eventually I gotta find
22:40
coming out eventually I gotta find
22:40
coming out eventually I gotta find someone to print the book or Pub I could
22:42
someone to print the book or Pub I could
22:42
someone to print the book or Pub I could actually publish the book it's finished
22:43
actually publish the book it's finished
22:43
actually publish the book it's finished it's edited now my friend Tyler Evans
22:45
it's edited now my friend Tyler Evans
22:45
it's edited now my friend Tyler Evans has edited this book we touch on this
22:47
has edited this book we touch on this
22:47
has edited this book we touch on this stuff this wasn't on the path I was
22:50
stuff this wasn't on the path I was
22:50
stuff this wasn't on the path I was miserable just rotting away on the
22:53
miserable just rotting away on the
22:53
miserable just rotting away on the inside terminal rot and I was so sick I
22:56
inside terminal rot and I was so sick I
22:56
inside terminal rot and I was so sick I told this story many many times but this
22:58
told this story many many times but this
22:58
told this story many many times but this all factors into what I'm thinking about
22:59
all factors into what I'm thinking about
22:59
all factors into what I'm thinking about today because I'm trying to just take
23:01
today because I'm trying to just take
23:01
today because I'm trying to just take stock I like to go backwards sometimes
23:03
stock I like to go backwards sometimes
23:03
stock I like to go backwards sometimes and just kind of run through the story
23:04
and just kind of run through the story
23:04
and just kind of run through the story myself remind myself of where I'm at on
23:06
myself remind myself of where I'm at on
23:06
myself remind myself of where I'm at on the board kind of thing
23:08
the board kind of thing
23:08
the board kind of thing I remember talking to my neighbor I mean
23:10
I remember talking to my neighbor I mean
23:10
I remember talking to my neighbor I mean like I'm gonna die I don't know how to
23:11
like I'm gonna die I don't know how to
23:11
like I'm gonna die I don't know how to do a will I I got to get life insurance
23:13
do a will I I got to get life insurance
23:13
do a will I I got to get life insurance and I did actually purchase life
23:14
and I did actually purchase life
23:14
and I did actually purchase life insurance because I was convinced I was
23:16
insurance because I was convinced I was
23:16
insurance because I was convinced I was going to die
23:18
going to die
23:18
going to die and then London started going to school
23:21
and then London started going to school
23:21
and then London started going to school kindergarten and just how long ago this
23:25
kindergarten and just how long ago this
23:25
kindergarten and just how long ago this was now 10 years ago 11 12 years ago
23:28
was now 10 years ago 11 12 years ago
23:28
was now 10 years ago 11 12 years ago and I was like you know
23:30
and I was like you know
23:30
and I was like you know before the ban what was my dream you
23:32
before the ban what was my dream you
23:32
before the ban what was my dream you know I really wanted to be a filmmaker
23:33
know I really wanted to be a filmmaker
23:33
know I really wanted to be a filmmaker and tell stories the only thing people
23:35
and tell stories the only thing people
23:35
and tell stories the only thing people say I'm good at in the band people tell
23:36
say I'm good at in the band people tell
23:36
say I'm good at in the band people tell me all the time yeah your music sucks
23:38
me all the time yeah your music sucks
23:38
me all the time yeah your music sucks but we like to come and hang out with
23:39
but we like to come and hang out with
23:39
but we like to come and hang out with you we like to hear the stories and
23:41
you we like to hear the stories and
23:41
you we like to hear the stories and laugh at the jokes
23:43
laugh at the jokes
23:43
laugh at the jokes so the dream changed again I thought at
23:45
so the dream changed again I thought at
23:45
so the dream changed again I thought at least maybe my dream can be
23:48
least maybe my dream can be
23:48
least maybe my dream can be making some videos that a few people
23:50
making some videos that a few people
23:50
making some videos that a few people will watch and that maybe London will
23:51
will watch and that maybe London will
23:51
will watch and that maybe London will watch one day when I'm dead
23:55
watch one day when I'm dead
23:55
watch one day when I'm dead you know maybe I can bring a smile to a
23:57
you know maybe I can bring a smile to a
23:57
you know maybe I can bring a smile to a few faces little Kermit the Frog action
23:59
few faces little Kermit the Frog action
23:59
few faces little Kermit the Frog action where he's like millions of people happy
24:00
where he's like millions of people happy
24:00
where he's like millions of people happy and that was the temptation
24:02
and that was the temptation
24:02
and that was the temptation except for me it was like maybe tens of
24:04
except for me it was like maybe tens of
24:04
except for me it was like maybe tens of people happy and so I started tinkering
24:07
people happy and so I started tinkering
24:07
people happy and so I started tinkering around with YouTube filming stuff for
24:08
around with YouTube filming stuff for
24:08
around with YouTube filming stuff for other people at first doing editing for
24:09
other people at first doing editing for
24:09
other people at first doing editing for other people I really didn't want to be
24:10
other people I really didn't want to be
24:10
other people I really didn't want to be on camera because I really didn't want
24:11
on camera because I really didn't want
24:12
on camera because I really didn't want to be the face of something I also
24:14
to be the face of something I also
24:14
to be the face of something I also really wanted it to be a group project I
24:16
really wanted it to be a group project I
24:16
really wanted it to be a group project I really didn't want to be a standalone
24:17
really didn't want to be a standalone
24:17
really didn't want to be a standalone the face of anything and I really didn't
24:19
the face of anything and I really didn't
24:19
the face of anything and I really didn't want to be the face of a group I didn't
24:20
want to be the face of a group I didn't
24:20
want to be the face of a group I didn't want to repeat the band thing but I kind
24:22
want to repeat the band thing but I kind
24:22
want to repeat the band thing but I kind of accidentally did working with the
24:24
of accidentally did working with the
24:24
of accidentally did working with the group at first great guys all of them
24:25
group at first great guys all of them
24:25
group at first great guys all of them are great I have no beef or regrets or
24:28
are great I have no beef or regrets or
24:28
are great I have no beef or regrets or anything like that fun but that just
24:30
anything like that fun but that just
24:30
anything like that fun but that just turns out the way the internet is and
24:31
turns out the way the internet is and
24:31
turns out the way the internet is and stuff like that you develop a brand or a
24:33
stuff like that you develop a brand or a
24:33
stuff like that you develop a brand or a character or people want to see your
24:35
character or people want to see your
24:35
character or people want to see your face and you go I don't know who's the
24:36
face and you go I don't know who's the
24:36
face and you go I don't know who's the one that convinced me you should you
24:37
one that convinced me you should you
24:37
one that convinced me you should you should be a face on camera doing your
24:39
should be a face on camera doing your
24:39
should be a face on camera doing your own thing I started doing the randomland
24:41
own thing I started doing the randomland
24:41
own thing I started doing the randomland thing
24:42
thing
24:42
thing in a time where people really hated
24:45
in a time where people really hated
24:45
in a time where people really hated adults going to anything fun for some
24:48
adults going to anything fun for some
24:48
adults going to anything fun for some reason I got made fun of mercilessly by
24:50
reason I got made fun of mercilessly by
24:50
reason I got made fun of mercilessly by my own friends
24:52
my own friends
24:52
my own friends by everybody and uh started just going
24:55
by everybody and uh started just going
24:55
by everybody and uh started just going to Disneyland just because it was
24:57
to Disneyland just because it was
24:57
to Disneyland just because it was something I was really passionate about
24:58
something I was really passionate about
24:58
something I was really passionate about to film that do a little bit of History
24:59
to film that do a little bit of History
24:59
to film that do a little bit of History I really wanted to Branch out and do
25:01
I really wanted to Branch out and do
25:01
I really wanted to Branch out and do more so anyway long story short I want
25:03
more so anyway long story short I want
25:03
more so anyway long story short I want to go through that whole story I've told
25:04
to go through that whole story I've told
25:04
to go through that whole story I've told that story
25:05
that story
25:05
that story but long story short
25:07
but long story short
25:07
but long story short I came up with something that at least
25:11
I came up with something that at least
25:11
I came up with something that at least made me feel somewhat creatively
25:12
made me feel somewhat creatively
25:12
made me feel somewhat creatively fulfilled like I was doing something
25:13
fulfilled like I was doing something
25:13
fulfilled like I was doing something creative it was something different
25:15
creative it was something different
25:15
creative it was something different nobody else was doing it at that time
25:16
nobody else was doing it at that time
25:16
nobody else was doing it at that time which is a really key important thing I
25:18
which is a really key important thing I
25:18
which is a really key important thing I would have never started doing it if it
25:20
would have never started doing it if it
25:20
would have never started doing it if it was like today just like I would never
25:22
was like today just like I would never
25:22
was like today just like I would never have gotten millions of you know all
25:24
have gotten millions of you know all
25:24
have gotten millions of you know all these tattoos if I'd have known that in
25:25
these tattoos if I'd have known that in
25:25
these tattoos if I'd have known that in 2007 and eight a few years later every
25:28
2007 and eight a few years later every
25:28
2007 and eight a few years later every 18 year old would get Emo sleeves you
25:30
18 year old would get Emo sleeves you
25:30
18 year old would get Emo sleeves you know what I mean it was kind of like
25:31
know what I mean it was kind of like
25:31
know what I mean it was kind of like that I'm a contrarian I think a little
25:33
that I'm a contrarian I think a little
25:33
that I'm a contrarian I think a little bit sometimes but nobody was doing it so
25:34
bit sometimes but nobody was doing it so
25:34
bit sometimes but nobody was doing it so I thought here's a little area where I
25:36
I thought here's a little area where I
25:36
I thought here's a little area where I can just be a nerd I'll be the one weird
25:38
can just be a nerd I'll be the one weird
25:38
can just be a nerd I'll be the one weird nerd that's doing this I can have my
25:40
nerd that's doing this I can have my
25:40
nerd that's doing this I can have my little world and then it expanded and
25:42
little world and then it expanded and
25:42
little world and then it expanded and went from there and I never thought in a
25:45
went from there and I never thought in a
25:45
went from there and I never thought in a million years anyone would watch it
25:47
million years anyone would watch it
25:47
million years anyone would watch it anyone would enjoy it that me sharing my
25:50
anyone would enjoy it that me sharing my
25:50
anyone would enjoy it that me sharing my struggle or my stories would reach so
25:52
struggle or my stories would reach so
25:52
struggle or my stories would reach so many people who told me geez hundreds of
25:55
many people who told me geez hundreds of
25:55
many people who told me geez hundreds of people over the years like you know the
25:57
people over the years like you know the
25:57
people over the years like you know the Quest for positivity and all that kind
25:58
Quest for positivity and all that kind
25:58
Quest for positivity and all that kind of stuff
26:00
of stuff
26:00
of stuff and this wasn't even me switching Dream
26:02
and this wasn't even me switching Dream
26:02
and this wasn't even me switching Dream from band to this I had quit the band
26:03
from band to this I had quit the band
26:03
from band to this I had quit the band and stopped
26:05
and stopped
26:06
and stopped and was just in limbo for just a little
26:09
and was just in limbo for just a little
26:09
and was just in limbo for just a little bit I'd already kind of started
26:10
bit I'd already kind of started
26:10
bit I'd already kind of started tinkering with the videos but I had no
26:11
tinkering with the videos but I had no
26:11
tinkering with the videos but I had no that wasn't a dream it was just some
26:13
that wasn't a dream it was just some
26:13
that wasn't a dream it was just some kind of way to keep myself from going
26:14
kind of way to keep myself from going
26:14
kind of way to keep myself from going insane just to creatively occupy my time
26:18
insane just to creatively occupy my time
26:18
insane just to creatively occupy my time and at some point connecting with people
26:21
and at some point connecting with people
26:21
and at some point connecting with people like that I realize that me sharing what
26:23
like that I realize that me sharing what
26:23
like that I realize that me sharing what I was going through because immediately
26:24
I was going through because immediately
26:24
I was going through because immediately after that the divorce started I was
26:26
after that the divorce started I was
26:26
after that the divorce started I was like you're not I remember the words to
26:27
like you're not I remember the words to
26:27
like you're not I remember the words to me when I quit the band work so now
26:29
me when I quit the band work so now
26:29
me when I quit the band work so now you're not even going to be a guy in a
26:30
you're not even going to be a guy in a
26:30
you're not even going to be a guy in a band you're just going to be nothing and
26:32
band you're just going to be nothing and
26:32
band you're just going to be nothing and I felt I felt a sea change there and uh
26:37
I felt I felt a sea change there and uh
26:37
I felt I felt a sea change there and uh yeah I guess I'll just be nothing I mean
26:38
yeah I guess I'll just be nothing I mean
26:38
yeah I guess I'll just be nothing I mean that's what I am nothing and uh just
26:42
that's what I am nothing and uh just
26:42
that's what I am nothing and uh just sharing that kind of stuff and
26:44
sharing that kind of stuff and
26:44
sharing that kind of stuff and connecting with people it's so weird and
26:47
connecting with people it's so weird and
26:47
connecting with people it's so weird and ironic that I then connected with
26:49
ironic that I then connected with
26:50
ironic that I then connected with thousands more people
26:52
thousands more people
26:52
thousands more people than I ever connected with sharing my
26:54
than I ever connected with sharing my
26:54
than I ever connected with sharing my feelings through lyrics or music most
26:56
feelings through lyrics or music most
26:56
feelings through lyrics or music most people never understood the lyrics I was
26:57
people never understood the lyrics I was
26:57
people never understood the lyrics I was I was writing maybe I wasn't any good at
26:59
I was writing maybe I wasn't any good at
26:59
I was writing maybe I wasn't any good at it
27:01
it
27:01
it and then telling stories and
27:02
and then telling stories and
27:02
and then telling stories and entertaining people and then the amount
27:04
entertaining people and then the amount
27:04
entertaining people and then the amount of people who come up to me and go man I
27:06
of people who come up to me and go man I
27:06
of people who come up to me and go man I took my kids down Route 66 and we had
27:07
took my kids down Route 66 and we had
27:07
took my kids down Route 66 and we had the best time or we went to enchanted
27:09
the best time or we went to enchanted
27:09
the best time or we went to enchanted forest or we did I mean I ran into
27:11
forest or we did I mean I ran into
27:11
forest or we did I mean I ran into people the other day and Enchanted Force
27:12
people the other day and Enchanted Force
27:12
people the other day and Enchanted Force we were like we came here because those
27:14
we were like we came here because those
27:14
we were like we came here because those videos you did we were like inspired to
27:16
videos you did we were like inspired to
27:16
videos you did we were like inspired to come out here and bring the kids instead
27:18
come out here and bring the kids instead
27:18
come out here and bring the kids instead of doing a vacation at the typical place
27:20
of doing a vacation at the typical place
27:20
of doing a vacation at the typical place we decided to come up here we had so
27:22
we decided to come up here we had so
27:22
we decided to come up here we had so much fun doing the road trip thing build
27:23
much fun doing the road trip thing build
27:23
much fun doing the road trip thing build all these family memories
27:29
and I I just I kind of have that in the
27:29
and I I just I kind of have that in the back of my mind the last couple days I
27:30
back of my mind the last couple days I
27:30
back of my mind the last couple days I mean here on this beach and uh part of
27:33
mean here on this beach and uh part of
27:33
mean here on this beach and uh part of this is because I've been talking to
27:34
this is because I've been talking to
27:34
this is because I've been talking to London a lot about like all right you're
27:35
London a lot about like all right you're
27:35
London a lot about like all right you're 16 now soon you will not give a crap
27:38
16 now soon you will not give a crap
27:38
16 now soon you will not give a crap about what I say for several years and
27:39
about what I say for several years and
27:39
about what I say for several years and you'll be out doing your own thing I
27:41
you'll be out doing your own thing I
27:41
you'll be out doing your own thing I need to impart as much of what I can
27:44
need to impart as much of what I can
27:44
need to impart as much of what I can tell you about how to think about the
27:46
tell you about how to think about the
27:46
tell you about how to think about the world and stuff while I can and then
27:49
world and stuff while I can and then
27:49
world and stuff while I can and then good luck right send you out into the
27:50
good luck right send you out into the
27:50
good luck right send you out into the world to figure it out and uh so I've
27:53
world to figure it out and uh so I've
27:53
world to figure it out and uh so I've been kind of retracing my steps
27:55
been kind of retracing my steps
27:55
been kind of retracing my steps in a way last uh last couple days
28:00
in a way last uh last couple days
28:00
in a way last uh last couple days and it's just bizarre it's bizarre that
28:02
and it's just bizarre it's bizarre that
28:02
and it's just bizarre it's bizarre that I just connected with much more people
28:03
I just connected with much more people
28:03
I just connected with much more people and brought a lot more joy and
28:04
and brought a lot more joy and
28:04
and brought a lot more joy and connection by doing this thing that was
28:07
connection by doing this thing that was
28:07
connection by doing this thing that was just from the heart and from the soul
28:09
just from the heart and from the soul
28:09
just from the heart and from the soul and wasn't calculated in any way so the
28:12
and wasn't calculated in any way so the
28:12
and wasn't calculated in any way so the point is the whole moral of the story to
28:13
point is the whole moral of the story to
28:13
point is the whole moral of the story to myself and the moral of the story I've
28:15
myself and the moral of the story I've
28:15
myself and the moral of the story I've been trying to tell London about another
28:17
been trying to tell London about another
28:17
been trying to tell London about another reason I'm sharing this is because I
28:18
reason I'm sharing this is because I
28:18
reason I'm sharing this is because I think
28:19
think
28:19
think somebody might find some value in this
28:20
somebody might find some value in this
28:20
somebody might find some value in this maybe others of you will be like what is
28:22
maybe others of you will be like what is
28:22
maybe others of you will be like what is this crap that you're talking about it's
28:24
this crap that you're talking about it's
28:24
this crap that you're talking about it's time for saying crap so many times I'm
28:26
time for saying crap so many times I'm
28:26
time for saying crap so many times I'm on a crap streak I guess it's a crap
28:28
on a crap streak I guess it's a crap
28:28
on a crap streak I guess it's a crap shoot whether I'll say crap weird uh
28:32
shoot whether I'll say crap weird uh
28:32
shoot whether I'll say crap weird uh it's just you may
28:34
it's just you may
28:34
it's just you may think
28:35
think I'm not on the right path there's the
28:37
I'm not on the right path there's the
28:37
I'm not on the right path there's the path I picture myself on that path look
28:39
path I picture myself on that path look
28:39
path I picture myself on that path look at all these other people who are on the
28:40
at all these other people who are on the
28:40
at all these other people who are on the path
28:41
path
28:41
path everyone's doing all this and they're
28:43
everyone's doing all this and they're
28:43
everyone's doing all this and they're doing those great I'm not part of it I'm
28:44
doing those great I'm not part of it I'm
28:44
doing those great I'm not part of it I'm an outsider I'm just I'm on the outside
28:47
an outsider I'm just I'm on the outside
28:47
an outsider I'm just I'm on the outside maybe you are maybe your dream is to
28:50
maybe you are maybe your dream is to
28:50
maybe you are maybe your dream is to become a YouTuber and it just doesn't
28:51
become a YouTuber and it just doesn't
28:51
become a YouTuber and it just doesn't work or maybe your dream has become a
28:53
work or maybe your dream has become a
28:53
work or maybe your dream has become a baker and it just doesn't work or maybe
28:55
baker and it just doesn't work or maybe
28:55
baker and it just doesn't work or maybe your dream is to become I don't know a
28:56
your dream is to become I don't know a
28:56
your dream is to become I don't know a maker of animatronics or a
28:58
maker of animatronics or a
28:58
maker of animatronics or a or anything like a professional gamer
29:01
or anything like a professional gamer
29:01
or anything like a professional gamer and it's just it's not working like mine
29:02
and it's just it's not working like mine
29:02
and it's just it's not working like mine was to be a musician and do all this
29:04
was to be a musician and do all this
29:04
was to be a musician and do all this stuff and it just didn't work and I just
29:07
stuff and it just didn't work and I just
29:07
stuff and it just didn't work and I just see the other people that were on that
29:08
see the other people that were on that
29:08
see the other people that were on that path and being successful and I'm not a
29:10
path and being successful and I'm not a
29:10
path and being successful and I'm not a bitter guy I don't jump to bitterness
29:12
bitter guy I don't jump to bitterness
29:12
bitter guy I don't jump to bitterness first but I did like I said I beat
29:14
first but I did like I said I beat
29:14
first but I did like I said I beat myself up about like I must just be a
29:15
myself up about like I must just be a
29:15
myself up about like I must just be a failure I'm an idiot I'm a loser
29:23
and I'm just here to tell you that just
29:23
and I'm just here to tell you that just because you're not on that path the one
29:24
because you're not on that path the one
29:24
because you're not on that path the one you picture yourself on
29:26
you picture yourself on
29:27
you picture yourself on doesn't mean that there's not another
29:29
doesn't mean that there's not another
29:29
doesn't mean that there's not another path that you can take
29:32
path that you can take
29:32
path that you can take and it doesn't mean that you won't find
29:34
and it doesn't mean that you won't find
29:34
and it doesn't mean that you won't find your tribe or your people or another
29:36
your tribe or your people or another
29:36
your tribe or your people or another skill or another thing
29:38
skill or another thing
29:38
skill or another thing that you're meant to do
29:40
that you're meant to do
29:40
that you're meant to do and the case in point is that I could
29:42
and the case in point is that I could
29:42
and the case in point is that I could just tell you that oh and then later I
29:44
just tell you that oh and then later I
29:44
just tell you that oh and then later I started doing random land or the
29:46
started doing random land or the
29:46
started doing random land or the sometimes Vlog and meeting people
29:47
sometimes Vlog and meeting people
29:47
sometimes Vlog and meeting people connecting with people on that level and
29:48
connecting with people on that level and
29:48
connecting with people on that level and then story solved it was like I wanted
29:50
then story solved it was like I wanted
29:50
then story solved it was like I wanted to be a musician but turns out I was
29:51
to be a musician but turns out I was
29:51
to be a musician but turns out I was supposed to be this weird wacky
29:52
supposed to be this weird wacky
29:52
supposed to be this weird wacky filmmaker no
29:54
filmmaker no
29:54
filmmaker no I'm even thinking about the years where
29:56
I'm even thinking about the years where
29:56
I'm even thinking about the years where I thought I'm not on the path I'm at
29:58
I thought I'm not on the path I'm at
29:58
I thought I'm not on the path I'm at home and I'm sick and miserable
30:00
home and I'm sick and miserable
30:00
home and I'm sick and miserable and I'm babysitting and I'm taking care
30:03
and I'm babysitting and I'm taking care
30:03
and I'm babysitting and I'm taking care of London as a baby and now I sit there
30:05
of London as a baby and now I sit there
30:05
of London as a baby and now I sit there I'm gonna get super emotional so I'm
30:07
I'm gonna get super emotional so I'm
30:07
I'm gonna get super emotional so I'm just just so you know if I sound weird
30:09
just just so you know if I sound weird
30:09
just just so you know if I sound weird in monotone I'm holding it in
30:12
in monotone I'm holding it in
30:12
in monotone I'm holding it in I sit there with this young man
30:16
I sit there with this young man
30:16
I sit there with this young man 16 now and yeah he's a little
30:18
16 now and yeah he's a little
30:18
16 now and yeah he's a little exasperating sometimes and he doesn't
30:21
exasperating sometimes and he doesn't
30:21
exasperating sometimes and he doesn't roll your eyes in the monosyllabic thing
30:23
roll your eyes in the monosyllabic thing
30:23
roll your eyes in the monosyllabic thing though I'm hungry and all that but I'm
30:25
though I'm hungry and all that but I'm
30:25
though I'm hungry and all that but I'm sitting here with this young man who is
30:27
sitting here with this young man who is
30:27
sitting here with this young man who is incredibly emotionally intelligent
30:30
incredibly emotionally intelligent
30:30
incredibly emotionally intelligent he is really really smart although not
30:32
he is really really smart although not
30:32
he is really really smart although not good at school and grades but neither
30:34
good at school and grades but neither
30:34
good at school and grades but neither was I neither was a lot of people I know
30:35
was I neither was a lot of people I know
30:36
was I neither was a lot of people I know the system sucks you know
30:37
the system sucks you know
30:37
the system sucks you know who is just like he's just so
30:40
who is just like he's just so
30:40
who is just like he's just so emotionally intelligent and capable of
30:41
emotionally intelligent and capable of
30:41
emotionally intelligent and capable of of having really deep conversations with
30:43
of having really deep conversations with
30:43
of having really deep conversations with you and I'm talking to him and I just
30:44
you and I'm talking to him and I just
30:44
you and I'm talking to him and I just feel such like a strong connection and a
30:46
feel such like a strong connection and a
30:46
feel such like a strong connection and a bond with this kid and I realize it's
30:48
bond with this kid and I realize it's
30:48
bond with this kid and I realize it's because all of those years that rather
30:50
because all of those years that rather
30:50
because all of those years that rather than being raised by daycare or
30:51
than being raised by daycare or
30:51
than being raised by daycare or somewhere else which he would have been
30:52
somewhere else which he would have been
30:52
somewhere else which he would have been if I had been healthy and the plan had
30:56
if I had been healthy and the plan had
30:56
if I had been healthy and the plan had gone according to plan and I had been
30:57
gone according to plan and I had been
30:57
gone according to plan and I had been out on tour and I'd been playing guitar
30:58
out on tour and I'd been playing guitar
30:58
out on tour and I'd been playing guitar for other people or touring with my own
31:00
for other people or touring with my own
31:00
for other people or touring with my own band how would he have grown up he would
31:01
band how would he have grown up he would
31:01
band how would he have grown up he would have grown up without me a lot less and
31:03
have grown up without me a lot less and
31:03
have grown up without me a lot less and instead he grew up with me there every
31:05
instead he grew up with me there every
31:05
instead he grew up with me there every day all day in all of those the most
31:09
day all day in all of those the most
31:09
day all day in all of those the most important formative years from zero to
31:11
important formative years from zero to
31:11
important formative years from zero to seven or eight
31:13
seven or eight
31:13
seven or eight and I think look at how that paid off
31:17
and I think look at how that paid off
31:17
and I think look at how that paid off this incredible young person that just
31:21
this incredible young person that just
31:21
this incredible young person that just the love of my life this kid and it and
31:24
the love of my life this kid and it and
31:24
the love of my life this kid and it and you know maybe it wouldn't have been
31:25
you know maybe it wouldn't have been
31:25
you know maybe it wouldn't have been like that if things hadn't gone awry for
31:29
like that if things hadn't gone awry for
31:29
like that if things hadn't gone awry for me so maybe just maybe you are in the
31:32
me so maybe just maybe you are in the
31:32
me so maybe just maybe you are in the middle of being off the path or feeling
31:34
middle of being off the path or feeling
31:34
middle of being off the path or feeling like you're
31:36
like you're
31:36
like you're stranded lost in the woods Lost In The
31:38
stranded lost in the woods Lost In The
31:38
stranded lost in the woods Lost In The Weeds
31:39
Weeds
31:39
Weeds you're Cast Away on a deserted island
31:42
you're Cast Away on a deserted island
31:42
you're Cast Away on a deserted island Desert Island
31:44
Desert Island
31:44
Desert Island and you're just nothing's going right I
31:46
and you're just nothing's going right I
31:46
and you're just nothing's going right I just I'm wasting my time spinning my
31:48
just I'm wasting my time spinning my
31:48
just I'm wasting my time spinning my wheels you never know the kind of input
31:51
wheels you never know the kind of input
31:51
wheels you never know the kind of input that you're having with the people your
31:53
that you're having with the people your
31:53
that you're having with the people your fellow Castaways the people you're stuck
31:54
fellow Castaways the people you're stuck
31:54
fellow Castaways the people you're stuck with
31:55
with
31:55
with or if you're at that job and you're the
31:59
or if you're at that job and you're the
31:59
or if you're at that job and you're the one being positive for your co-workers
32:00
one being positive for your co-workers
32:00
one being positive for your co-workers or you're the one that smiled at the guy
32:02
or you're the one that smiled at the guy
32:02
or you're the one that smiled at the guy that was just at the end of his rope
32:04
that was just at the end of his rope
32:04
that was just at the end of his rope that day and changed his mind about
32:05
that day and changed his mind about
32:05
that day and changed his mind about doing something horrible
32:07
doing something horrible
32:07
doing something horrible you never know the kind of impact you
32:09
you never know the kind of impact you
32:09
you never know the kind of impact you make you know and everybody knows
32:11
make you know and everybody knows
32:11
make you know and everybody knows they're going to make an impact in their
32:12
they're going to make an impact in their
32:12
they're going to make an impact in their kids life one way or another but you
32:13
kids life one way or another but you
32:13
kids life one way or another but you just never know as he's as he's telling
32:15
just never know as he's as he's telling
32:15
just never know as he's as he's telling me stories and he's saying things back
32:16
me stories and he's saying things back
32:16
me stories and he's saying things back to me I'm hearing so much of the good
32:19
to me I'm hearing so much of the good
32:19
to me I'm hearing so much of the good part of myself coming out of his mouth
32:22
part of myself coming out of his mouth
32:22
part of myself coming out of his mouth and I'm like
32:24
and I'm like
32:24
and I'm like wow what a
32:27
wow what a
32:27
wow what a see see I'm not gonna Cry by the ocean
32:29
see see I'm not gonna Cry by the ocean
32:29
see see I'm not gonna Cry by the ocean that would be very corny but
32:33
that would be very corny but
32:33
that would be very corny but I'm just really like emotionally
32:35
I'm just really like emotionally
32:35
I'm just really like emotionally overwhelmed by it thinking like what a
32:37
overwhelmed by it thinking like what a
32:37
overwhelmed by it thinking like what a blessing
32:38
blessing
32:38
blessing that I was sick and miserable and stuck
32:41
that I was sick and miserable and stuck
32:41
that I was sick and miserable and stuck at home I mean I never took it out on
32:42
at home I mean I never took it out on
32:42
at home I mean I never took it out on him don't get me wrong I wasn't
32:44
him don't get me wrong I wasn't
32:44
him don't get me wrong I wasn't miserable in front of my family but
32:47
miserable in front of my family but
32:47
miserable in front of my family but um what a blessing that I was able to
32:49
um what a blessing that I was able to
32:49
um what a blessing that I was able to have so much time with them and that now
32:52
have so much time with them and that now
32:52
have so much time with them and that now seeing the way it like paid off weirdly
32:54
seeing the way it like paid off weirdly
32:54
seeing the way it like paid off weirdly and then of course there was all the
32:56
and then of course there was all the
32:56
and then of course there was all the years where I had to rebuild my life and
32:57
years where I had to rebuild my life and
32:57
years where I had to rebuild my life and be out there and traveling and doing all
32:59
be out there and traveling and doing all
32:59
be out there and traveling and doing all this kind of stuff but
33:00
this kind of stuff but
33:00
this kind of stuff but but he had you know but it worked out
33:03
but he had you know but it worked out
33:03
but he had you know but it worked out because I knew I had to build up to be
33:04
because I knew I had to build up to be
33:04
because I knew I had to build up to be able to rent like a house so he could be
33:06
able to rent like a house so he could be
33:06
able to rent like a house so he could be with me when he's in the teenage years
33:07
with me when he's in the teenage years
33:07
with me when he's in the teenage years so I knew the teenage years would be
33:08
so I knew the teenage years would be
33:08
so I knew the teenage years would be difficult and I figured maybe he would
33:11
difficult and I figured maybe he would
33:11
difficult and I figured maybe he would get along with me a little bit better
33:11
get along with me a little bit better
33:12
get along with me a little bit better than his other family which turned out
33:13
than his other family which turned out
33:13
than his other family which turned out to be the case sometimes and it was it's
33:16
to be the case sometimes and it was it's
33:16
to be the case sometimes and it was it's important I think for teenage guys to
33:18
important I think for teenage guys to
33:18
important I think for teenage guys to have their dads around very important
33:20
have their dads around very important
33:20
have their dads around very important thing if that's manageable and it worked
33:23
thing if that's manageable and it worked
33:23
thing if that's manageable and it worked out so there was a lot of years of
33:24
out so there was a lot of years of
33:24
out so there was a lot of years of roaming a lot and I've been home a lot
33:26
roaming a lot and I've been home a lot
33:26
roaming a lot and I've been home a lot more lately and sometimes even now I get
33:29
more lately and sometimes even now I get
33:29
more lately and sometimes even now I get that feeling maybe it's permanently
33:31
that feeling maybe it's permanently
33:31
that feeling maybe it's permanently burned into all of us of like I'm not on
33:33
burned into all of us of like I'm not on
33:33
burned into all of us of like I'm not on the right path I'm not doing everything
33:35
the right path I'm not doing everything
33:35
the right path I'm not doing everything that I could do I could be filming so
33:36
that I could do I could be filming so
33:36
that I could do I could be filming so much more and I see friends of mine who
33:38
much more and I see friends of mine who
33:38
much more and I see friends of mine who are out there filming daily and they're
33:40
are out there filming daily and they're
33:40
are out there filming daily and they're traveling more than me and they're doing
33:41
traveling more than me and they're doing
33:41
traveling more than me and they're doing this and doing that I'm never jealous
33:43
this and doing that I'm never jealous
33:43
this and doing that I'm never jealous but I'm always like oh man it burns me
33:45
but I'm always like oh man it burns me
33:45
but I'm always like oh man it burns me up like I want to get out there I want
33:47
up like I want to get out there I want
33:47
up like I want to get out there I want to I want to work super hard I want to
33:49
to I want to work super hard I want to
33:49
to I want to work super hard I want to be making stuff every day if I want to
33:51
be making stuff every day if I want to
33:51
be making stuff every day if I want to fly to to Iceland and make a video out
33:53
fly to to Iceland and make a video out
33:53
fly to to Iceland and make a video out there I want to go to the Star Wars
33:55
there I want to go to the Star Wars
33:55
there I want to go to the Star Wars locations in Tunisia what am I doing I'm
33:56
locations in Tunisia what am I doing I'm
33:56
locations in Tunisia what am I doing I'm on what am I doing I'm filming an
33:59
on what am I doing I'm filming an
33:59
on what am I doing I'm filming an antique store what am I doing I gotta
34:00
antique store what am I doing I gotta
34:00
antique store what am I doing I gotta get out there or whatever
34:03
get out there or whatever
34:03
get out there or whatever and so I get like that sometimes and
34:04
and so I get like that sometimes and
34:04
and so I get like that sometimes and then I realize like no
34:07
then I realize like no
34:07
then I realize like no these years that have been wacky because
34:10
these years that have been wacky because
34:10
these years that have been wacky because of covet and Ali being sick and me being
34:11
of covet and Ali being sick and me being
34:11
of covet and Ali being sick and me being home a lot and I was home a lot this
34:13
home a lot and I was home a lot this
34:13
home a lot and I was home a lot this last year because London was really
34:14
last year because London was really
34:14
last year because London was really struggling with school
34:15
struggling with school
34:15
struggling with school and just my proximity was a key factor
34:18
and just my proximity was a key factor
34:18
and just my proximity was a key factor in helping him
34:19
in helping him
34:19
in helping him past tense grade we did it
34:22
past tense grade we did it
34:22
past tense grade we did it um so he could be near my mom and he
34:23
um so he could be near my mom and he
34:23
um so he could be near my mom and he could be near everybody that was helping
34:24
could be near everybody that was helping
34:24
could be near everybody that was helping with homework who's smarter than me
34:25
with homework who's smarter than me
34:25
with homework who's smarter than me really my mom really is the savior there
34:28
really my mom really is the savior there
34:28
really my mom really is the savior there the guardian angel of London
34:30
the guardian angel of London
34:30
the guardian angel of London but uh again I'm just taking stock of
34:34
but uh again I'm just taking stock of
34:34
but uh again I'm just taking stock of the last year and then he's describing
34:35
the last year and then he's describing
34:35
the last year and then he's describing his last year the way he saw it in his
34:37
his last year the way he saw it in his
34:37
his last year the way he saw it in his plan I think geez what a weird blessing
34:40
plan I think geez what a weird blessing
34:40
plan I think geez what a weird blessing that
34:40
that
34:40
that Ali was sick and then I got to be home
34:42
Ali was sick and then I got to be home
34:42
Ali was sick and then I got to be home more and I got to spend so much more
34:44
more and I got to spend so much more
34:44
more and I got to spend so much more time that he's pretty much ended up
34:45
time that he's pretty much ended up
34:45
time that he's pretty much ended up being at my house all the time which is
34:47
being at my house all the time which is
34:47
being at my house all the time which is closer to his school and then closer
34:49
closer to his school and then closer
34:49
closer to his school and then closer access to my mom my brother who helped
34:51
access to my mom my brother who helped
34:51
access to my mom my brother who helped him a lot with homework and being able
34:52
him a lot with homework and being able
34:52
him a lot with homework and being able to do stuff and so again
34:55
to do stuff and so again
34:55
to do stuff and so again even now I'm sure there are plenty of
34:57
even now I'm sure there are plenty of
34:57
even now I'm sure there are plenty of people who like oh Justin he must have
34:59
people who like oh Justin he must have
34:59
people who like oh Justin he must have this great perfect life
35:00
this great perfect life
35:00
this great perfect life even now when I'm succeeding in others
35:03
even now when I'm succeeding in others
35:03
even now when I'm succeeding in others eyes I'm still like I'm failing and I
35:06
eyes I'm still like I'm failing and I
35:06
eyes I'm still like I'm failing and I still have trials and tribulations you
35:07
still have trials and tribulations you
35:07
still have trials and tribulations you know I've got friends who are rich and
35:09
know I've got friends who are rich and
35:09
know I've got friends who are rich and powerful and successful out there living
35:11
powerful and successful out there living
35:11
powerful and successful out there living their lives and I can't keep my cars
35:12
their lives and I can't keep my cars
35:12
their lives and I can't keep my cars running you know and uh and I can't get
35:16
running you know and uh and I can't get
35:16
running you know and uh and I can't get out there as much as I want to get out
35:17
out there as much as I want to get out
35:17
out there as much as I want to get out and I and I want to connect more and do
35:19
and I and I want to connect more and do
35:19
and I and I want to connect more and do more and we're at mid-summer scream
35:20
more and we're at mid-summer scream
35:20
more and we're at mid-summer scream Shake hundreds of people's hands and I'm
35:21
Shake hundreds of people's hands and I'm
35:21
Shake hundreds of people's hands and I'm like I wish we could do this more why
35:23
like I wish we could do this more why
35:23
like I wish we could do this more why can't we afford a trailer so we can put
35:24
can't we afford a trailer so we can put
35:24
can't we afford a trailer so we can put this in there I wish I could afford that
35:26
this in there I wish I could afford that
35:26
this in there I wish I could afford that and we'd be able to meet more people do
35:27
and we'd be able to meet more people do
35:27
and we'd be able to meet more people do more meetups I'm not doing enough
35:28
more meetups I'm not doing enough
35:28
more meetups I'm not doing enough meetups I'm a failure and a
35:30
meetups I'm a failure and a
35:30
meetups I'm a failure and a and then I realized
35:33
and then I realized
35:33
and then I realized The Grass Is Always Greener
35:35
The Grass Is Always Greener
35:35
The Grass Is Always Greener there's always more that you feel like
35:37
there's always more that you feel like
35:37
there's always more that you feel like you could be doing
35:38
you could be doing
35:38
you could be doing but my grandpa used to say and I'm not
35:41
but my grandpa used to say and I'm not
35:41
but my grandpa used to say and I'm not saying this isn't coming for me I don't
35:42
saying this isn't coming for me I don't
35:42
saying this isn't coming for me I don't know that this is true my grandpa used
35:44
know that this is true my grandpa used
35:45
know that this is true my grandpa used to always say and he had a tough life in
35:47
to always say and he had a tough life in
35:47
to always say and he had a tough life in a lot of ways
35:49
a lot of ways
35:49
a lot of ways and everybody always reminds me of this
35:50
and everybody always reminds me of this
35:51
and everybody always reminds me of this all my aunts and my cousins and
35:52
all my aunts and my cousins and
35:52
all my aunts and my cousins and everybody
35:53
everybody
35:53
everybody everything happens for a reason
35:57
everything happens for a reason
35:57
everything happens for a reason it's corny it's cheesy some people rail
35:59
it's corny it's cheesy some people rail
35:59
it's corny it's cheesy some people rail against that
36:01
against that
36:01
against that maybe sometimes
36:03
maybe sometimes
36:03
maybe sometimes in some cases in some lives maybe that's
36:05
in some cases in some lives maybe that's
36:05
in some cases in some lives maybe that's true
36:06
true
36:06
true maybe there's a reason we go through it
36:08
maybe there's a reason we go through it
36:08
maybe there's a reason we go through it maybe there's a Hereafter in which it
36:11
maybe there's a Hereafter in which it
36:11
maybe there's a Hereafter in which it all pays off or maybe it pays off down
36:12
all pays off or maybe it pays off down
36:12
all pays off or maybe it pays off down here I don't know I don't know much
36:14
here I don't know I don't know much
36:14
here I don't know I don't know much about the afterlife I've never been
36:16
about the afterlife I've never been
36:16
about the afterlife I've never been there
36:18
there but sometimes I just think about
36:21
but sometimes I just think about
36:21
but sometimes I just think about the weird Forks in the road
36:23
the weird Forks in the road
36:23
the weird Forks in the road that I've been down that I didn't mean
36:25
that I've been down that I didn't mean
36:25
that I've been down that I didn't mean to go down or sometimes I didn't want to
36:26
to go down or sometimes I didn't want to
36:26
to go down or sometimes I didn't want to go down I went down kicking and
36:28
go down I went down kicking and
36:28
go down I went down kicking and screaming
36:29
screaming
36:29
screaming and then I think of these days with
36:31
and then I think of these days with
36:31
and then I think of these days with London and these conversations and these
36:33
London and these conversations and these
36:33
London and these conversations and these things with him
36:34
things with him
36:34
things with him and
36:35
and
36:36
and just how like amazing of a kid that he
36:39
just how like amazing of a kid that he
36:39
just how like amazing of a kid that he is
36:41
is
36:41
is and I think
36:43
and I think
36:43
and I think maybe if there's a plan or maybe
36:47
maybe if there's a plan or maybe
36:47
maybe if there's a plan or maybe the universe has got it sorted out for
36:49
the universe has got it sorted out for
36:49
the universe has got it sorted out for me or maybe you know I was meant to go
36:51
me or maybe you know I was meant to go
36:51
me or maybe you know I was meant to go through that stuff and if not
36:53
through that stuff and if not
36:53
through that stuff and if not then maybe dealing with it I'm trying to
36:56
then maybe dealing with it I'm trying to
36:56
then maybe dealing with it I'm trying to stay positive and getting on the Quest
36:57
stay positive and getting on the Quest
36:57
stay positive and getting on the Quest for positivity
36:58
for positivity
36:58
for positivity really did pay off because I couldn't
37:00
really did pay off because I couldn't
37:00
really did pay off because I couldn't control the circumstances a lot of times
37:02
control the circumstances a lot of times
37:02
control the circumstances a lot of times sometimes I could and it was important
37:04
sometimes I could and it was important
37:04
sometimes I could and it was important to do what I could
37:05
to do what I could
37:05
to do what I could but I could control my reaction it took
37:07
but I could control my reaction it took
37:07
but I could control my reaction it took me many years to learn that I could
37:10
me many years to learn that I could
37:10
me many years to learn that I could control my reaction to negative things
37:11
control my reaction to negative things
37:11
control my reaction to negative things Bob girl and I have talked about this a
37:13
Bob girl and I have talked about this a
37:13
Bob girl and I have talked about this a lot on how when your young man negative
37:17
lot on how when your young man negative
37:17
lot on how when your young man negative things happen to you and your initial
37:18
things happen to you and your initial
37:18
things happen to you and your initial instinct is just to get angry and how it
37:22
instinct is just to get angry and how it
37:22
instinct is just to get angry and how it takes many many years sometimes and for
37:24
takes many many years sometimes and for
37:24
takes many many years sometimes and for some people it never happens to sort of
37:26
some people it never happens to sort of
37:26
some people it never happens to sort of Break Free of that getting angry thing
37:28
Break Free of that getting angry thing
37:28
Break Free of that getting angry thing and realizing that's so wasteful of your
37:32
and realizing that's so wasteful of your
37:32
and realizing that's so wasteful of your energy
37:33
energy
37:33
energy and anger doesn't do much
37:36
and anger doesn't do much
37:36
and anger doesn't do much there's a ton of place for anger don't
37:37
there's a ton of place for anger don't
37:37
there's a ton of place for anger don't get me wrong to everything there is a
37:38
get me wrong to everything there is a
37:38
get me wrong to everything there is a seasoned
37:39
seasoned
37:39
seasoned but uh yeah to turn away from anger or
37:43
but uh yeah to turn away from anger or
37:43
but uh yeah to turn away from anger or in my case instead of turning away from
37:45
in my case instead of turning away from
37:45
in my case instead of turning away from anger and bitterness turn away from you
37:47
anger and bitterness turn away from you
37:47
anger and bitterness turn away from you know
37:48
know
37:48
know just whipping myself self-flagellation
37:50
just whipping myself self-flagellation
37:50
just whipping myself self-flagellation and putting myself down and taking it
37:52
and putting myself down and taking it
37:52
and putting myself down and taking it all out of myself and getting all cranky
37:54
all out of myself and getting all cranky
37:54
all out of myself and getting all cranky and learning to go
37:57
and learning to go
37:57
and learning to go Focus
37:58
Focus
37:58
Focus can't control this crappy situation but
38:00
can't control this crappy situation but
38:00
can't control this crappy situation but maybe there's something good will come
38:03
maybe there's something good will come
38:03
maybe there's something good will come out of this even if I can't see it in
38:05
out of this even if I can't see it in
38:05
out of this even if I can't see it in the moment and I think I'm still not
38:07
the moment and I think I'm still not
38:07
the moment and I think I'm still not great at it what I think that being on
38:09
great at it what I think that being on
38:09
great at it what I think that being on the Quest for positivity has opened my
38:10
the Quest for positivity has opened my
38:10
the Quest for positivity has opened my mind to
38:12
mind to
38:12
mind to more positive possibilities all the time
38:14
more positive possibilities all the time
38:14
more positive possibilities all the time I've definitely taken you know
38:16
I've definitely taken you know
38:16
I've definitely taken you know more steps in the right direction over
38:19
more steps in the right direction over
38:19
more steps in the right direction over the last couple of years than I would
38:21
the last couple of years than I would
38:21
the last couple of years than I would have had you given me the same
38:22
have had you given me the same
38:22
have had you given me the same opportunities or options years ago if
38:24
opportunities or options years ago if
38:24
opportunities or options years ago if that makes any kind of sense I'm sort of
38:26
that makes any kind of sense I'm sort of
38:26
that makes any kind of sense I'm sort of rambling here that's kind of the point
38:28
rambling here that's kind of the point
38:28
rambling here that's kind of the point though of the good old sometimes vlog
38:30
though of the good old sometimes vlog
38:30
though of the good old sometimes vlog look at this giant piece of seaweed
38:31
look at this giant piece of seaweed
38:31
look at this giant piece of seaweed looks like a whip so I'm talking about I
38:33
looks like a whip so I'm talking about I
38:33
looks like a whip so I'm talking about I would have grabbed that thing years ago
38:34
would have grabbed that thing years ago
38:34
would have grabbed that thing years ago just whipped myself for not doing good
38:36
just whipped myself for not doing good
38:36
just whipped myself for not doing good enough
38:38
enough
38:38
enough I know I've learned that you know what
38:40
I know I've learned that you know what
38:40
I know I've learned that you know what okay even if it was your fault even if
38:42
okay even if it was your fault even if
38:42
okay even if it was your fault even if it was a failure even if you were a bad
38:44
it was a failure even if you were a bad
38:44
it was a failure even if you were a bad person at different times or you reacted
38:46
person at different times or you reacted
38:46
person at different times or you reacted totally wrong or you've hurt people it's
38:48
totally wrong or you've hurt people it's
38:48
totally wrong or you've hurt people it's never too late to turn it around
38:51
never too late to turn it around
38:51
never too late to turn it around the last chapter isn't written
38:55
the last chapter isn't written
38:55
the last chapter isn't written the curtain hasn't come down on the
38:57
the curtain hasn't come down on the
38:57
the curtain hasn't come down on the stage
38:58
stage
38:58
stage it's not over and it's not too late
39:02
it's not over and it's not too late
39:02
it's not over and it's not too late unless you're a dead crab
39:05
unless you're a dead crab
39:05
unless you're a dead crab next to what looks like a
39:08
next to what looks like a
39:08
next to what looks like a a Walmart
39:10
a Walmart
39:10
a Walmart thing of nacho cheese
39:13
thing of nacho cheese
39:13
thing of nacho cheese and someone ate you on the on the beach
39:16
and someone ate you on the on the beach
39:16
and someone ate you on the on the beach that then it might be too late but
39:18
that then it might be too late but
39:18
that then it might be too late but otherwise if you're still breathing
39:19
otherwise if you're still breathing
39:19
otherwise if you're still breathing there's still hope so those are my
39:22
there's still hope so those are my
39:22
there's still hope so those are my thoughts today about nothing and I'm
39:24
thoughts today about nothing and I'm
39:24
thoughts today about nothing and I'm sorry if some of that's been repeated
39:25
sorry if some of that's been repeated
39:25
sorry if some of that's been repeated from previous years but a lot of people
39:27
from previous years but a lot of people
39:27
from previous years but a lot of people told me like what's up what's the
39:28
told me like what's up what's the
39:28
told me like what's up what's the question for positivity they're talking
39:30
question for positivity they're talking
39:30
question for positivity they're talking about the Quest for positivity because
39:31
about the Quest for positivity because
39:31
about the Quest for positivity because I'm living with it struggling with it
39:33
I'm living with it struggling with it
39:33
I'm living with it struggling with it all the time I think a lot of people
39:34
all the time I think a lot of people
39:34
all the time I think a lot of people maybe because I didn't talk about it for
39:36
maybe because I didn't talk about it for
39:36
maybe because I didn't talk about it for so long
39:38
so long
39:38
so long I think probably because I'm like I have
39:40
I think probably because I'm like I have
39:40
I think probably because I'm like I have the radish job I have the radish little
39:42
the radish job I have the radish little
39:42
the radish job I have the radish little wife lit in the world Ali is the best
39:44
wife lit in the world Ali is the best
39:45
wife lit in the world Ali is the best London is the best and even though I
39:47
London is the best and even though I
39:47
London is the best and even though I struggle and even though I struggle with
39:49
struggle and even though I struggle with
39:49
struggle and even though I struggle with all kinds of stuff whenever I share a
39:51
all kinds of stuff whenever I share a
39:51
all kinds of stuff whenever I share a struggle like if I say oh man you know
39:53
struggle like if I say oh man you know
39:54
struggle like if I say oh man you know we ran out of cash so I came home people
39:56
we ran out of cash so I came home people
39:56
we ran out of cash so I came home people go oh he's complaining about money what
39:58
go oh he's complaining about money what
39:58
go oh he's complaining about money what are you trying to do trying to you know
40:00
are you trying to do trying to you know
40:00
are you trying to do trying to you know say something there you're trying to
40:01
say something there you're trying to
40:01
say something there you're trying to hint at something and give me some money
40:03
hint at something and give me some money
40:03
hint at something and give me some money no I'm just sharing what happened to me
40:05
no I'm just sharing what happened to me
40:05
no I'm just sharing what happened to me whenever I share oh I'm frustrated this
40:07
whenever I share oh I'm frustrated this
40:07
whenever I share oh I'm frustrated this about this someone is lonely we'll go at
40:09
about this someone is lonely we'll go at
40:09
about this someone is lonely we'll go at least you have Al you don't know what
40:11
least you have Al you don't know what
40:11
least you have Al you don't know what that's like and and there's always
40:12
that's like and and there's always
40:12
that's like and and there's always someone to go oh you think that's bad
40:15
someone to go oh you think that's bad
40:15
someone to go oh you think that's bad well you should be grateful why who lost
40:17
well you should be grateful why who lost
40:17
well you should be grateful why who lost all their clothes out here maybe I don't
40:19
all their clothes out here maybe I don't
40:19
all their clothes out here maybe I don't want to know
40:21
want to know
40:21
want to know and so for a long time I clammed up and
40:23
and so for a long time I clammed up and
40:23
and so for a long time I clammed up and then at the same time a lot of our
40:24
then at the same time a lot of our
40:24
then at the same time a lot of our struggles were Ali's health
40:26
struggles were Ali's health
40:26
struggles were Ali's health and that was private for a long long
40:28
and that was private for a long long
40:28
and that was private for a long long time until I did the video where I told
40:29
time until I did the video where I told
40:29
time until I did the video where I told everyone hey here's what's going on
40:30
everyone hey here's what's going on
40:30
everyone hey here's what's going on because we're going to the hospital I
40:31
because we're going to the hospital I
40:31
because we're going to the hospital I don't know
40:32
don't know
40:32
don't know when I'm going to be able to make videos
40:33
when I'm going to be able to make videos
40:33
when I'm going to be able to make videos or be back
40:35
or be back
40:35
or be back and she wanted decided that she got
40:37
and she wanted decided that she got
40:37
and she wanted decided that she got brave enough to go public with that
40:38
brave enough to go public with that
40:38
brave enough to go public with that stuff and share that struggle with
40:40
stuff and share that struggle with
40:40
stuff and share that struggle with people which apparently a lot of people
40:43
people which apparently a lot of people
40:43
people which apparently a lot of people like man thank you for sharing that
40:44
like man thank you for sharing that
40:44
like man thank you for sharing that stuff it's helped me feel more Brave
40:45
stuff it's helped me feel more Brave
40:45
stuff it's helped me feel more Brave about my own thing and to be more open
40:46
about my own thing and to be more open
40:46
about my own thing and to be more open about my own thing which is really cool
40:49
about my own thing which is really cool
40:49
about my own thing which is really cool um
40:50
um
40:50
um but yeah for a lot of years I didn't
40:52
but yeah for a lot of years I didn't
40:52
but yeah for a lot of years I didn't want to talk about the struggles that we
40:53
want to talk about the struggles that we
40:53
want to talk about the struggles that we were having because they weren't mine if
40:55
were having because they weren't mine if
40:55
were having because they weren't mine if that makes sense they were more in
40:56
that makes sense they were more in
40:56
that makes sense they were more in another field
40:58
another field
40:58
another field and so I just got in the habit of not
40:59
and so I just got in the habit of not
40:59
and so I just got in the habit of not talking about it really and so maybe for
41:01
talking about it really and so maybe for
41:01
talking about it really and so maybe for that reason people have taken the old
41:03
that reason people have taken the old
41:03
that reason people have taken the old quest for positivity stuff and sort of
41:05
quest for positivity stuff and sort of
41:05
quest for positivity stuff and sort of distorted it in their minds and
41:06
distorted it in their minds and
41:06
distorted it in their minds and remembered it wrong you are remembering
41:08
remembered it wrong you are remembering
41:08
remembered it wrong you are remembering it wrong the Quest for positivity was
41:10
it wrong the Quest for positivity was
41:10
it wrong the Quest for positivity was never about well the Situation's
41:12
never about well the Situation's
41:12
never about well the Situation's negative but you gotta love love
41:13
negative but you gotta love love
41:13
negative but you gotta love love positive positive positive just be
41:15
positive positive positive just be
41:15
positive positive positive just be positive all the time PP super positive
41:17
positive all the time PP super positive
41:17
positive all the time PP super positive positive positive positive positive
41:18
positive positive positive positive
41:18
positive positive positive positive positive PVP
41:20
positive PVP
41:20
positive PVP that was never the point it's a fake
41:23
that was never the point it's a fake
41:23
that was never the point it's a fake being positive oh my gosh
41:25
being positive oh my gosh
41:25
being positive oh my gosh OHV
41:27
OHV
41:27
OHV bullet holes
41:30
bullet holes
41:30
bullet holes it's the fratellis right there
41:38
we're very close to Astoria down there
41:38
we're very close to Astoria down there so just I got Goonies on the brain
41:41
so just I got Goonies on the brain
41:41
so just I got Goonies on the brain to fake being positive
41:43
to fake being positive
41:43
to fake being positive is toxic it is just so toxic there's
41:47
is toxic it is just so toxic there's
41:47
is toxic it is just so toxic there's there's an old expression fake it till
41:49
there's an old expression fake it till
41:49
there's an old expression fake it till you make it
41:50
you make it
41:50
you make it it doesn't work like that you got to
41:52
it doesn't work like that you got to
41:52
it doesn't work like that you got to make it till you make it you got to make
41:54
make it till you make it you got to make
41:54
make it till you make it you got to make the best thing ever and do your best to
41:56
the best thing ever and do your best to
41:56
the best thing ever and do your best to make it I know a lot of people who faked
41:57
make it I know a lot of people who faked
41:57
make it I know a lot of people who faked it until they made it whether that's I'm
41:59
it until they made it whether that's I'm
42:00
it until they made it whether that's I'm pretending I like this ice cream cone
42:02
pretending I like this ice cream cone
42:02
pretending I like this ice cream cone until I become the ambassador of this
42:03
until I become the ambassador of this
42:03
until I become the ambassador of this ice cream cone or whatever
42:05
ice cream cone or whatever
42:05
ice cream cone or whatever um I know people who faded faked it till
42:07
um I know people who faded faked it till
42:07
um I know people who faded faked it till they made it I don't think that's right
42:08
they made it I don't think that's right
42:08
they made it I don't think that's right though I think it's make it till you
42:09
though I think it's make it till you
42:09
though I think it's make it till you make it I cannot remember who just said
42:10
make it I cannot remember who just said
42:10
make it I cannot remember who just said that to me recently I'm like that is
42:12
that to me recently I'm like that is
42:12
that to me recently I'm like that is perfect make it tell you make it
42:14
perfect make it tell you make it
42:14
perfect make it tell you make it and so the Quest for positivity
42:17
and so the Quest for positivity
42:17
and so the Quest for positivity is a little bit fake until you make it I
42:19
is a little bit fake until you make it I
42:19
is a little bit fake until you make it I guess and people think take that from it
42:20
guess and people think take that from it
42:20
guess and people think take that from it because
42:22
because
42:22
because there's a little bit of like hey the
42:25
there's a little bit of like hey the
42:25
there's a little bit of like hey the clouds are here look for the Silver
42:26
clouds are here look for the Silver
42:26
clouds are here look for the Silver Lining look for the Hope look for the
42:28
Lining look for the Hope look for the
42:28
Lining look for the Hope look for the thing that you can be grateful for all
42:29
thing that you can be grateful for all
42:29
thing that you can be grateful for all that kind of stuff that I've talked
42:30
that kind of stuff that I've talked
42:30
that kind of stuff that I've talked about before but it's not a matter of
42:32
about before but it's not a matter of
42:32
about before but it's not a matter of like oh you're being negative that's not
42:36
like oh you're being negative that's not
42:36
like oh you're being negative that's not very Q for p that's not very quest for
42:38
very Q for p that's not very quest for
42:38
very Q for p that's not very quest for positivity of you I see people doing
42:39
positivity of you I see people doing
42:39
positivity of you I see people doing that or like oh I'm sure Q for p is at
42:43
that or like oh I'm sure Q for p is at
42:43
that or like oh I'm sure Q for p is at an all-time low I see that quote a lot
42:45
an all-time low I see that quote a lot
42:45
an all-time low I see that quote a lot from different people q4p is at an
42:47
from different people q4p is at an
42:47
from different people q4p is at an all-time low because something negative
42:49
all-time low because something negative
42:49
all-time low because something negative happens like that's not when it's low
42:51
happens like that's not when it's low
42:51
happens like that's not when it's low that's when it kicks in
42:53
that's when it kicks in
42:53
that's when it kicks in the question positivity is not about
42:54
the question positivity is not about
42:54
the question positivity is not about pretending everything's positive or just
42:56
pretending everything's positive or just
42:56
pretending everything's positive or just being happy and positive all the time
42:58
being happy and positive all the time
42:58
being happy and positive all the time the Quest for positivity was being
42:59
the Quest for positivity was being
42:59
the Quest for positivity was being beaten the heck with two L's down
43:03
beaten the heck with two L's down
43:03
beaten the heck with two L's down life being horrible being diseased being
43:06
life being horrible being diseased being
43:06
life being horrible being diseased being rejected being dumped being alone being
43:10
rejected being dumped being alone being
43:10
rejected being dumped being alone being a loser and the entire world thinking
43:11
a loser and the entire world thinking
43:11
a loser and the entire world thinking you're a loser because you're going and
43:12
you're a loser because you're going and
43:12
you're a loser because you're going and walking around filming a theme park and
43:14
walking around filming a theme park and
43:14
walking around filming a theme park and be maybe you are a loser a loser being
43:17
be maybe you are a loser a loser being
43:17
be maybe you are a loser a loser being at the depths of Despair being a loser
43:19
at the depths of Despair being a loser
43:19
at the depths of Despair being a loser literally going to sleep and thinking
43:21
literally going to sleep and thinking
43:21
literally going to sleep and thinking God I hope I don't wake up tomorrow I
43:23
God I hope I don't wake up tomorrow I
43:23
God I hope I don't wake up tomorrow I mean just being at the bottom
43:26
mean just being at the bottom
43:26
mean just being at the bottom and then going okay I can't control this
43:28
and then going okay I can't control this
43:28
and then going okay I can't control this I can't control this feeling it's
43:29
I can't control this feeling it's
43:29
I can't control this feeling it's horrible I feel like I just don't want
43:32
horrible I feel like I just don't want
43:32
horrible I feel like I just don't want to ever open my eyes again
43:35
to ever open my eyes again
43:35
to ever open my eyes again but I'm gonna get up tomorrow
43:40
go outside
43:40
go outside keep breathing I'm gonna keep walking
43:43
keep breathing I'm gonna keep walking
43:43
keep breathing I'm gonna keep walking even though I'm not on the path that I
43:45
even though I'm not on the path that I
43:45
even though I'm not on the path that I think I should be on
43:47
think I should be on
43:47
think I should be on I'm gonna keep walking because I don't
43:49
I'm gonna keep walking because I don't
43:49
I'm gonna keep walking because I don't want it to end here I want to find out
43:51
want it to end here I want to find out
43:51
want it to end here I want to find out how it ends I want to find out what's
43:53
how it ends I want to find out what's
43:53
how it ends I want to find out what's next and tomorrow
43:55
next and tomorrow
43:55
next and tomorrow instead of letting that despair overcome
43:58
instead of letting that despair overcome
43:58
instead of letting that despair overcome me and just cloud my sky forever
43:59
me and just cloud my sky forever
43:59
me and just cloud my sky forever tomorrow I'm gonna rise up like the
44:01
tomorrow I'm gonna rise up like the
44:01
tomorrow I'm gonna rise up like the bright Sun I'm gonna burn off the cloud
44:03
bright Sun I'm gonna burn off the cloud
44:03
bright Sun I'm gonna burn off the cloud cover
44:04
cover
44:04
cover and I'm gonna have a sunny day and you
44:06
and I'm gonna have a sunny day and you
44:06
and I'm gonna have a sunny day and you know what if it's cloudy again tomorrow
44:07
know what if it's cloudy again tomorrow
44:07
know what if it's cloudy again tomorrow I'm gonna wake up the next day because
44:09
I'm gonna wake up the next day because
44:09
I'm gonna wake up the next day because all storms pass the clouds eventually
44:11
all storms pass the clouds eventually
44:11
all storms pass the clouds eventually break one day I will see something that
44:14
break one day I will see something that
44:14
break one day I will see something that was worth seeing if I just keep walking
44:17
was worth seeing if I just keep walking
44:17
was worth seeing if I just keep walking if I just keep walking
44:24
something will change that's what the
44:24
something will change that's what the Quest for positivity was that's what it
44:26
Quest for positivity was that's what it
44:26
Quest for positivity was that's what it meant for me maybe kind of people sort
44:28
meant for me maybe kind of people sort
44:28
meant for me maybe kind of people sort of light-heartedly joshing me about it
44:29
of light-heartedly joshing me about it
44:29
of light-heartedly joshing me about it or using it sarcastically to make fun of
44:31
or using it sarcastically to make fun of
44:31
or using it sarcastically to make fun of me or something like that that kind of
44:33
me or something like that that kind of
44:33
me or something like that that kind of made me a little also quiet and clam up
44:35
made me a little also quiet and clam up
44:35
made me a little also quiet and clam up about it there's always been
44:38
about it there's always been
44:38
about it there's always been it saved my life
44:40
it saved my life
44:40
it saved my life and there was a lot of little pieces of
44:42
and there was a lot of little pieces of
44:42
and there was a lot of little pieces of input things I remember from my
44:43
input things I remember from my
44:43
input things I remember from my grandparents definitely a lot of input
44:45
grandparents definitely a lot of input
44:45
grandparents definitely a lot of input for my parents the people that I grew up
44:47
for my parents the people that I grew up
44:47
for my parents the people that I grew up with and people have faith around me and
44:49
with and people have faith around me and
44:49
with and people have faith around me and you know even little Snippets of
44:52
you know even little Snippets of
44:52
you know even little Snippets of self-help things who knows little bits
44:54
self-help things who knows little bits
44:54
self-help things who knows little bits and pieces whatever positive stuff that
44:56
and pieces whatever positive stuff that
44:56
and pieces whatever positive stuff that I could collate in my brain and put into
44:58
I could collate in my brain and put into
44:58
I could collate in my brain and put into some kind of a path or a plan to just
45:02
some kind of a path or a plan to just
45:02
some kind of a path or a plan to just wake up keep breathing I would force
45:05
wake up keep breathing I would force
45:05
wake up keep breathing I would force myself to go on walk sometimes and just
45:07
myself to go on walk sometimes and just
45:07
myself to go on walk sometimes and just it's just miserable there'd be trash
45:08
it's just miserable there'd be trash
45:08
it's just miserable there'd be trash dead crabs everywhere and I just look at
45:10
dead crabs everywhere and I just look at
45:10
dead crabs everywhere and I just look at the tops of the trees you see the trees
45:12
the tops of the trees you see the trees
45:12
the tops of the trees you see the trees going in the wind and birds flying
45:13
going in the wind and birds flying
45:13
going in the wind and birds flying around go okay well there's life not
45:14
around go okay well there's life not
45:14
around go okay well there's life not every some days all I could muster was
45:17
every some days all I could muster was
45:17
every some days all I could muster was well at least
45:19
well at least
45:19
well at least at least not everybody else is miserable
45:22
at least not everybody else is miserable
45:22
at least not everybody else is miserable I'm telling you and it's not just in
45:25
I'm telling you and it's not just in
45:25
I'm telling you and it's not just in those dark times where I could give you
45:26
those dark times where I could give you
45:26
those dark times where I could give you a list that everybody would go whoa yeah
45:28
a list that everybody would go whoa yeah
45:28
a list that everybody would go whoa yeah that did suck for you that was a sucky
45:29
that did suck for you that was a sucky
45:29
that did suck for you that was a sucky time and sometimes it's during the times
45:31
time and sometimes it's during the times
45:31
time and sometimes it's during the times where everybody's like man you lucky dog
45:33
where everybody's like man you lucky dog
45:33
where everybody's like man you lucky dog and they all think I'm the luckiest
45:35
and they all think I'm the luckiest
45:35
and they all think I'm the luckiest person in the world they think I got
45:36
person in the world they think I got
45:36
person in the world they think I got nothing to cry about some of those times
45:38
nothing to cry about some of those times
45:38
nothing to cry about some of those times I feel the same way I think I'll always
45:41
I feel the same way I think I'll always
45:41
I feel the same way I think I'll always have that struggle ooh the cops are
45:43
have that struggle ooh the cops are
45:43
have that struggle ooh the cops are coming they're looking for the fratellis
45:44
coming they're looking for the fratellis
45:44
coming they're looking for the fratellis I think I always have that struggle with
45:46
I think I always have that struggle with
45:46
I think I always have that struggle with depression with anxiety
45:48
depression with anxiety
45:48
depression with anxiety that's going to be a lifelong thing and
45:50
that's going to be a lifelong thing and
45:50
that's going to be a lifelong thing and I'm always going to struggle with not
45:52
I'm always going to struggle with not
45:52
I'm always going to struggle with not feeling like I'm on the right path or
45:53
feeling like I'm on the right path or
45:53
feeling like I'm on the right path or not doing whatever it might just be
45:55
not doing whatever it might just be
45:55
not doing whatever it might just be built in baked into the personality
45:57
built in baked into the personality
45:57
built in baked into the personality who knows
45:59
who knows
45:59
who knows maybe that's going to be an ongoing
46:00
maybe that's going to be an ongoing
46:00
maybe that's going to be an ongoing thing for my look they're wondering like
46:02
thing for my look they're wondering like
46:02
thing for my look they're wondering like is he after us
46:04
is he after us
46:04
is he after us I'm wondering that too
46:06
I'm wondering that too
46:06
I'm wondering that too so maybe it'll be a forever thing maybe
46:08
so maybe it'll be a forever thing maybe
46:08
so maybe it'll be a forever thing maybe it'll be an ongoing thing that I will
46:09
it'll be an ongoing thing that I will
46:09
it'll be an ongoing thing that I will always have to struggle with that's the
46:11
always have to struggle with that's the
46:11
always have to struggle with that's the Quest for positivity the Quest for
46:12
Quest for positivity the Quest for
46:12
Quest for positivity the Quest for positivity is being low being beat down
46:15
positivity is being low being beat down
46:15
positivity is being low being beat down for those moments where everything could
46:17
for those moments where everything could
46:17
for those moments where everything could be going great I go man did I do enough
46:19
be going great I go man did I do enough
46:19
be going great I go man did I do enough did I do the right thing did I fail am I
46:21
did I do the right thing did I fail am I
46:21
did I do the right thing did I fail am I a failure
46:22
a failure
46:22
a failure and then going that is just negative
46:24
and then going that is just negative
46:24
and then going that is just negative that is so negative skin sucked back
46:26
that is so negative skin sucked back
46:27
that is so negative skin sucked back into that that void that always it's
46:29
into that that void that always it's
46:29
into that that void that always it's there for each one of us it's always
46:31
there for each one of us it's always
46:31
there for each one of us it's always there even the most positive funny
46:33
there even the most positive funny
46:33
there even the most positive funny person you know it's always always there
46:37
person you know it's always always there
46:37
person you know it's always always there that yawning
46:39
that yawning
46:39
that yawning Vortex just open waiting to swallow you
46:43
Vortex just open waiting to swallow you
46:43
Vortex just open waiting to swallow you you know what that's why you got to keep
46:45
you know what that's why you got to keep
46:45
you know what that's why you got to keep walking keep walking don't let it get
46:47
walking keep walking don't let it get
46:47
walking keep walking don't let it get you don't let it swallow you don't let
46:48
you don't let it swallow you don't let
46:48
you don't let it swallow you don't let it get you down it's not over
46:51
it get you down it's not over
46:51
it get you down it's not over keep on walking all right friends well
46:54
keep on walking all right friends well
46:54
keep on walking all right friends well I'm Gonna Keep On Walking it's time for
46:56
I'm Gonna Keep On Walking it's time for
46:57
I'm Gonna Keep On Walking it's time for me
46:57
me
46:57
me to head on back
46:59
to head on back
46:59
to head on back uh not that one that one down the hotel
47:03
uh not that one that one down the hotel
47:03
uh not that one that one down the hotel down the beach to the hotel rather
47:05
down the beach to the hotel rather
47:05
down the beach to the hotel rather go spend some time with my kiddo who by
47:07
go spend some time with my kiddo who by
47:07
go spend some time with my kiddo who by now is probably eating this stuff I told
47:08
now is probably eating this stuff I told
47:08
now is probably eating this stuff I told him I'd be back in about 30 minutes now
47:10
him I'd be back in about 30 minutes now
47:10
him I'd be back in about 30 minutes now it's about 47 minutes or 45 minutes he
47:12
it's about 47 minutes or 45 minutes he
47:12
it's about 47 minutes or 45 minutes he could see me from the from the hotel you
47:14
could see me from the from the hotel you
47:14
could see me from the from the hotel you can see me as I get closer to the water
47:16
can see me as I get closer to the water
47:16
can see me as I get closer to the water uh time for me to go back so anyway
47:18
uh time for me to go back so anyway
47:18
uh time for me to go back so anyway that's the kind of stuff I've been
47:19
that's the kind of stuff I've been
47:19
that's the kind of stuff I've been thinking about
47:28
oh there's a guy who walked out into the
47:28
oh there's a guy who walked out into the waves
47:29
waves
47:29
waves there's really strong currents out there
47:30
there's really strong currents out there
47:30
there's really strong currents out there you're not supposed to swim out there
47:32
you're not supposed to swim out there
47:32
you're not supposed to swim out there and he's just swimming out there but he
47:34
and he's just swimming out there but he
47:34
and he's just swimming out there but he seems to be fine but everybody else is
47:35
seems to be fine but everybody else is
47:35
seems to be fine but everybody else is panicking around him and you know the
47:37
panicking around him and you know the
47:37
panicking around him and you know the cops coming to yell at him go you're not
47:38
cops coming to yell at him go you're not
47:39
cops coming to yell at him go you're not supposed to be there now they're Patrick
47:40
supposed to be there now they're Patrick
47:40
supposed to be there now they're Patrick you're like you're gonna come back the
47:41
you're like you're gonna come back the
47:41
you're like you're gonna come back the cops are here not panicking because he's
47:42
cops are here not panicking because he's
47:42
cops are here not panicking because he's drowning or anything like that so
47:44
drowning or anything like that so
47:44
drowning or anything like that so nobody's at risk see something worse
47:47
nobody's at risk see something worse
47:47
nobody's at risk see something worse could always be happening anyway that's
47:49
could always be happening anyway that's
47:49
could always be happening anyway that's what's going on over there so I'm going
47:50
what's going on over there so I'm going
47:50
what's going on over there so I'm going back
47:52
back
47:52
back forgive the rambling forgive the uh
47:55
forgive the rambling forgive the uh
47:55
forgive the rambling forgive the uh the going on at the mouth that's a thing
47:57
the going on at the mouth that's a thing
47:57
the going on at the mouth that's a thing I've always that's another thing I've
47:58
I've always that's another thing I've
47:58
I've always that's another thing I've always suffered from my entire life
48:01
always suffered from my entire life
48:01
always suffered from my entire life being a little too verbose going on too
48:03
being a little too verbose going on too
48:03
being a little too verbose going on too long and I tend to use way too many
48:05
long and I tend to use way too many
48:05
long and I tend to use way too many analogies to make the same point
48:08
analogies to make the same point
48:08
analogies to make the same point I really do love and appreciate all of
48:10
I really do love and appreciate all of
48:10
I really do love and appreciate all of you guys who stuck with me for so many
48:12
you guys who stuck with me for so many
48:12
you guys who stuck with me for so many years even those of you who come on
48:13
years even those of you who come on
48:13
years even those of you who come on recently come on board who believe in
48:17
recently come on board who believe in
48:17
recently come on board who believe in the Quest for president you can hear
48:19
the Quest for president you can hear
48:19
the Quest for president you can hear screaming but they're not screaming in
48:21
screaming but they're not screaming in
48:21
screaming but they're not screaming in Terror they're screaming at the person
48:22
Terror they're screaming at the person
48:22
Terror they're screaming at the person like how dare you look the cop is here
48:23
like how dare you look the cop is here
48:23
like how dare you look the cop is here how dare you be in the beach
48:26
how dare you be in the beach
48:26
how dare you be in the beach oh my gosh
48:28
oh my gosh
48:28
oh my gosh it's just one of those things
48:30
it's just one of those things
48:30
it's just one of those things thank you guys for being there I do love
48:32
thank you guys for being there I do love
48:32
thank you guys for being there I do love and appreciate all of you that have been
48:34
and appreciate all of you that have been
48:34
and appreciate all of you that have been there for me whether that's just sharing
48:36
there for me whether that's just sharing
48:36
there for me whether that's just sharing a video
48:38
a video
48:38
a video the patreon stuff buying a t-shirt when
48:40
the patreon stuff buying a t-shirt when
48:40
the patreon stuff buying a t-shirt when I see someone with the hat it's like oh
48:41
I see someone with the hat it's like oh
48:41
I see someone with the hat it's like oh there are Kindred Spirits out there
48:43
there are Kindred Spirits out there
48:43
there are Kindred Spirits out there there are people who understand
48:46
there are people who understand
48:46
there are people who understand what it's like
48:48
what it's like
48:48
what it's like to keep on walking
48:50
to keep on walking
48:50
to keep on walking so that is my only advice
48:52
so that is my only advice
48:52
so that is my only advice just keep going you don't know how it's
48:54
just keep going you don't know how it's
48:54
just keep going you don't know how it's going to end when anybody comes to me
48:55
going to end when anybody comes to me
48:55
going to end when anybody comes to me and goes dude I'm at the end I'm not a
48:57
and goes dude I'm at the end I'm not a
48:57
and goes dude I'm at the end I'm not a therapist the best thing I can tell you
48:59
therapist the best thing I can tell you
48:59
therapist the best thing I can tell you is go go find a real qualified therapist
49:00
is go go find a real qualified therapist
49:00
is go go find a real qualified therapist go find someone who really knows talk to
49:02
go find someone who really knows talk to
49:02
go find someone who really knows talk to your
49:03
your
49:03
your your elders talk to your older people
49:05
your elders talk to your older people
49:05
your elders talk to your older people around you people who've been through a
49:06
around you people who've been through a
49:06
around you people who've been through a similar situation but I think most of
49:08
similar situation but I think most of
49:08
similar situation but I think most of them are going to tell you kind of some
49:09
them are going to tell you kind of some
49:09
them are going to tell you kind of some version of of this my only piece of
49:11
version of of this my only piece of
49:11
version of of this my only piece of advice would be
49:12
advice would be
49:12
advice would be gotta keep walking you don't want it to
49:14
gotta keep walking you don't want it to
49:14
gotta keep walking you don't want it to end here it's the worst the dark chapter
49:17
end here it's the worst the dark chapter
49:17
end here it's the worst the dark chapter you got to keep going or it's never
49:19
you got to keep going or it's never
49:19
you got to keep going or it's never gonna change the story doesn't change if
49:22
gonna change the story doesn't change if
49:22
gonna change the story doesn't change if you don't keep turning the page Keep On
49:24
you don't keep turning the page Keep On
49:24
you don't keep turning the page Keep On Walking so to all those of you who think
49:26
Walking so to all those of you who think
49:26
Walking so to all those of you who think you're on the wrong path
49:28
you're on the wrong path
49:28
you're on the wrong path that's my one piece of advice my one
49:30
that's my one piece of advice my one
49:30
that's my one piece of advice my one piece of encouragement I wish I'd heard
49:32
piece of encouragement I wish I'd heard
49:32
piece of encouragement I wish I'd heard the same words to me sometimes I did
49:36
the same words to me sometimes I did
49:36
the same words to me sometimes I did I wasn't always wise enough to hear them
49:38
I wasn't always wise enough to hear them
49:38
I wasn't always wise enough to hear them when I did get those words spoken to me
49:41
when I did get those words spoken to me
49:41
when I did get those words spoken to me but they keep on walking keep on
49:44
but they keep on walking keep on
49:44
but they keep on walking keep on trucking go home and
49:46
trucking go home and
49:46
trucking go home and sleep
49:47
sleep
49:47
sleep wow