A New Day - STV 11/17/2018 - RandomLand Archive

0:18 Wow look higher that tree right there

0:18 Wow look higher that tree right there it's wider than I am tossing must be

0:21 it's wider than I am tossing must be

0:21 it's wider than I am tossing must be well over a hundred years old look at

0:24 well over a hundred years old look at

0:24 well over a hundred years old look at the size of these branches here much

0:26 the size of these branches here much

0:26 the size of these branches here much much thicker than even a very large

0:28 much thicker than even a very large

0:28 much thicker than even a very large man's body and look how long they go

0:31 man's body and look how long they go

0:31 man's body and look how long they go they curve all the way down to the

0:32 they curve all the way down to the

0:32 they curve all the way down to the ground and then even back up it's

0:33 ground and then even back up it's

0:33 ground and then even back up it's beautiful and amazing how something so

0:36 beautiful and amazing how something so

0:36 beautiful and amazing how something so simple like coming out and looking at a

0:39 simple like coming out and looking at a

0:39 simple like coming out and looking at a tree for 10 minutes hearing the sound of

0:42 tree for 10 minutes hearing the sound of

0:42 tree for 10 minutes hearing the sound of the wind the woodpeckers out here just

0:45 the wind the woodpeckers out here just

0:45 the wind the woodpeckers out here just being out here even in a park and I'm

0:47 being out here even in a park and I'm

0:47 being out here even in a park and I'm walking around you know a little even fo

0:50 walking around you know a little even fo

0:50 walking around you know a little even fo nature really cool is the temperature

0:54 nature really cool is the temperature

0:54 nature really cool is the temperature chill you out make you thoughtful and

0:57 chill you out make you thoughtful and

0:57 chill you out make you thoughtful and you know what I feel like this is a very

0:59 you know what I feel like this is a very

0:59 you know what I feel like this is a very good place I got a very good time for us

1:01 good place I got a very good time for us

1:01 good place I got a very good time for us to have a little chat now normally what

1:04 to have a little chat now normally what

1:04 to have a little chat now normally what I do on this channel are video

1:06 I do on this channel are video

1:06 I do on this channel are video adventures they're like travel logs I

1:07 adventures they're like travel logs I

1:07 adventures they're like travel logs I like short films we go and we have

1:09 like short films we go and we have

1:09 like short films we go and we have adventures different places various

1:11 adventures different places various

1:11 adventures different places various kinds of things we'll go antiquing or

1:13 kinds of things we'll go antiquing or

1:13 kinds of things we'll go antiquing or we'll go to Florida or we'll go to

1:15 we'll go to Florida or we'll go to

1:15 we'll go to Florida or we'll go to France or we'll go do route 66 and we'll

1:18 France or we'll go do route 66 and we'll

1:18 France or we'll go do route 66 and we'll check out the original Starship

1:19 check out the original Starship

1:19 check out the original Starship Enterprise in Washington DC crazy

1:21 Enterprise in Washington DC crazy

1:21 Enterprise in Washington DC crazy adventures but I used to very often

1:25 adventures but I used to very often

1:25 adventures but I used to very often interspersed these video adventures with

1:28 interspersed these video adventures with

1:28 interspersed these video adventures with more of what actually would be a vlog

1:31 more of what actually would be a vlog

1:31 more of what actually would be a vlog where we talk together I didn't do them

1:33 where we talk together I didn't do them

1:33 where we talk together I didn't do them all the time I did them only

1:34 all the time I did them only

1:34 all the time I did them only occasionally rarely I did them sometimes

1:39 occasionally rarely I did them sometimes

1:39 occasionally rarely I did them sometimes and I think that now sometimes has come

1:42 and I think that now sometimes has come

1:42 and I think that now sometimes has come again which means that if it's some time

1:44 again which means that if it's some time

1:44 again which means that if it's some time it's time for the intro that many of you

1:46 it's time for the intro that many of you

1:46 it's time for the intro that many of you will remember it's the sound that

2:03 [Music]

2:03 [Music] I haven't done that in a while if you're

2:05 I haven't done that in a while if you're

2:05 I haven't done that in a while if you're looking for a crazy adventure where we

2:07 looking for a crazy adventure where we

2:07 looking for a crazy adventure where we see some crazy stuff I got a lot of

2:08 see some crazy stuff I got a lot of

2:08 see some crazy stuff I got a lot of other videos on this channel like that

2:10 other videos on this channel like that

2:10 other videos on this channel like that this might be one that you're gonna want

2:12 this might be one that you're gonna want

2:12 this might be one that you're gonna want to skip though this is mostly gonna be

2:14 to skip though this is mostly gonna be

2:14 to skip though this is mostly gonna be just a chat about personal things we got

2:17 just a chat about personal things we got

2:17 just a chat about personal things we got into that plenty of other videos for you

2:18 into that plenty of other videos for you

2:18 into that plenty of other videos for you you know we've done all kinds of crazy

2:20 you know we've done all kinds of crazy

2:20 you know we've done all kinds of crazy stuff lately we got backyard Disneyland

2:23 stuff lately we got backyard Disneyland

2:23 stuff lately we got backyard Disneyland we got driving to train at Knott's Berry

2:24 we got driving to train at Knott's Berry

2:24 we got driving to train at Knott's Berry Farm filling locations for Triassic Park

2:26 Farm filling locations for Triassic Park

2:26 Farm filling locations for Triassic Park and The Mummy with Boris Karloff all

2:28 and The Mummy with Boris Karloff all

2:28 and The Mummy with Boris Karloff all kinds of haunt stuff that just finished

2:30 kinds of haunt stuff that just finished

2:30 kinds of haunt stuff that just finished a new Christmas at Disney my video lots

2:32 a new Christmas at Disney my video lots

2:32 a new Christmas at Disney my video lots of stuff for you to see but if you're

2:35 of stuff for you to see but if you're

2:35 of stuff for you to see but if you're more into the sometimes blog if you want

2:37 more into the sometimes blog if you want

2:37 more into the sometimes blog if you want to step back in to the personal life

2:39 to step back in to the personal life

2:39 to step back in to the personal life just for a personal chat here come have

2:42 just for a personal chat here come have

2:42 just for a personal chat here come have a seat okay it's been a long time since

2:45 a seat okay it's been a long time since

2:45 a seat okay it's been a long time since I have sat here in front of a camera

2:47 I have sat here in front of a camera

2:47 I have sat here in front of a camera unedited I hope hopefully nothing goes

2:49 unedited I hope hopefully nothing goes

2:49 unedited I hope hopefully nothing goes wrong just sort of conversation with you

2:53 wrong just sort of conversation with you

2:53 wrong just sort of conversation with you guys about stuff I usually try to

2:57 guys about stuff I usually try to

2:57 guys about stuff I usually try to intersperse these sometimes vlogs

2:59 intersperse these sometimes vlogs

2:59 intersperse these sometimes vlogs between the adventures on a more or less

3:00 between the adventures on a more or less

3:00 between the adventures on a more or less regular basis I really like since I've

3:02 regular basis I really like since I've

3:02 regular basis I really like since I've been working and sort of living out life

3:04 been working and sort of living out life

3:04 been working and sort of living out life on YouTube having these adventures to

3:06 on YouTube having these adventures to

3:06 on YouTube having these adventures to live my life as an open book and part of

3:09 live my life as an open book and part of

3:09 live my life as an open book and part of that was my whole quest for positivity

3:11 that was my whole quest for positivity

3:12 that was my whole quest for positivity thing which many of you are familiar

3:13 thing which many of you are familiar

3:13 thing which many of you are familiar with if you're not you can go backwards

3:15 with if you're not you can go backwards

3:15 with if you're not you can go backwards there's a lot of stuff about the quest

3:17 there's a lot of stuff about the quest

3:17 there's a lot of stuff about the quest for positivity but the short version of

3:19 for positivity but the short version of

3:19 for positivity but the short version of the story is in my life I was always

3:22 the story is in my life I was always

3:22 the story is in my life I was always very positive or creative I love puppets

3:25 very positive or creative I love puppets

3:25 very positive or creative I love puppets and Muppets and Disneyland doing things

3:28 and Muppets and Disneyland doing things

3:28 and Muppets and Disneyland doing things and being excited and nature and going

3:30 and being excited and nature and going

3:30 and being excited and nature and going to go somebody in lots of happy things

3:31 to go somebody in lots of happy things

3:31 to go somebody in lots of happy things in my life

3:32 in my life

3:32 in my life but over years of being in a marriage

3:34 but over years of being in a marriage

3:34 but over years of being in a marriage that didn't work out because obviously

3:36 that didn't work out because obviously

3:36 that didn't work out because obviously it was apparently toxic and being in a

3:39 it was apparently toxic and being in a

3:39 it was apparently toxic and being in a band for years and years being involved

3:40 band for years and years being involved

3:40 band for years and years being involved in the punk rock scene and various other

3:43 in the punk rock scene and various other

3:43 in the punk rock scene and various other things and mostly just my own attitude

3:46 things and mostly just my own attitude

3:46 things and mostly just my own attitude and maybe its artistic temperament I

3:48 and maybe its artistic temperament I

3:48 and maybe its artistic temperament I don't know what it is struggled with

3:49 don't know what it is struggled with

3:49 don't know what it is struggled with anxiety and depression and leaning into

3:51 anxiety and depression and leaning into

3:51 anxiety and depression and leaning into them the wrong way almost embracing them

3:53 them the wrong way almost embracing them

3:53 them the wrong way almost embracing them really instead of kind of trying to

3:55 really instead of kind of trying to

3:55 really instead of kind of trying to struggle against them I more or less

3:57 struggle against them I more or less

3:57 struggle against them I more or less found myself a few years ago just at

4:01 found myself a few years ago just at

4:01 found myself a few years ago just at this crossroads power 2012-13 in my life

4:05 this crossroads power 2012-13 in my life

4:05 this crossroads power 2012-13 in my life where I had just woke up one day and had

4:08 where I had just woke up one day and had

4:08 where I had just woke up one day and had this epiphany that I really am NOT Who I

4:11 this epiphany that I really am NOT Who I

4:11 this epiphany that I really am NOT Who I am

4:11 am

4:11 am does that make sense I really am NOT the

4:14 does that make sense I really am NOT the

4:14 does that make sense I really am NOT the person

4:15 person

4:15 person the person that I am inside or that I

4:17 the person that I am inside or that I

4:17 the person that I am inside or that I want to be is really not what's coming

4:20 want to be is really not what's coming

4:20 want to be is really not what's coming out of me anymore

4:22 out of me anymore

4:22 out of me anymore like at all it's just not there no

4:25 like at all it's just not there no

4:25 like at all it's just not there no matter what I did try to focus on

4:26 matter what I did try to focus on

4:26 matter what I did try to focus on marriage try to focus on this try to

4:28 marriage try to focus on this try to

4:28 marriage try to focus on this try to focus on that and just all feels like it

4:29 focus on that and just all feels like it

4:29 focus on that and just all feels like it was falling apart very very sick no

4:32 was falling apart very very sick no

4:32 was falling apart very very sick no career to speak up because I couldn't

4:34 career to speak up because I couldn't

4:34 career to speak up because I couldn't tour in the band anymore when you're

4:36 tour in the band anymore when you're

4:36 tour in the band anymore when you're bleeding you know you're having these

4:37 bleeding you know you're having these

4:37 bleeding you know you're having these health problems as a stay-at-home dad

4:40 health problems as a stay-at-home dad

4:40 health problems as a stay-at-home dad that part of life was too good I love my

4:42 that part of life was too good I love my

4:42 that part of life was too good I love my kid I love spending time with my kid but

4:45 kid I love spending time with my kid but

4:45 kid I love spending time with my kid but I just felt personally like a failure in

4:47 I just felt personally like a failure in

4:47 I just felt personally like a failure in all this type of marriage not so much

4:49 all this type of marriage not so much

4:49 all this type of marriage not so much working out a lot of meanness coming at

4:51 working out a lot of meanness coming at

4:51 working out a lot of meanness coming at me some of it justify a little because I

4:53 me some of it justify a little because I

4:54 me some of it justify a little because I was sort of a miserable person because I

4:55 was sort of a miserable person because I

4:55 was sort of a miserable person because I was miserable show me some not just

4:58 was miserable show me some not just

4:58 was miserable show me some not just depends on your perspective I guess if I

5:00 depends on your perspective I guess if I

5:00 depends on your perspective I guess if I really was struggling really seriously

5:02 really was struggling really seriously

5:02 really was struggling really seriously with anxiety constant chronic crippling

5:07 with anxiety constant chronic crippling

5:07 with anxiety constant chronic crippling panic attack anxiety not talking about a

5:10 panic attack anxiety not talking about a

5:10 panic attack anxiety not talking about a little social anxiety I'm talking about

5:12 little social anxiety I'm talking about

5:12 little social anxiety I'm talking about serious debilitating anxiety and

5:17 serious debilitating anxiety and

5:17 serious debilitating anxiety and soul-crushing

5:19 soul-crushing

5:19 soul-crushing almost life stopping life interrupting

5:23 almost life stopping life interrupting

5:23 almost life stopping life interrupting depression in between and I found myself

5:27 depression in between and I found myself

5:27 depression in between and I found myself being a very cynical person just

5:30 being a very cynical person just

5:30 being a very cynical person just completely cynical very misanthropic

5:33 completely cynical very misanthropic

5:33 completely cynical very misanthropic just very hateful and bitter of all

5:36 just very hateful and bitter of all

5:36 just very hateful and bitter of all human life around me that was going good

5:39 human life around me that was going good

5:39 human life around me that was going good very much falling into the I'm a victim

5:43 very much falling into the I'm a victim

5:43 very much falling into the I'm a victim of my circumstances which I mean I'm

5:46 of my circumstances which I mean I'm

5:46 of my circumstances which I mean I'm part I was right to give a little

5:47 part I was right to give a little

5:47 part I was right to give a little fairness to myself you know there were

5:49 fairness to myself you know there were

5:49 fairness to myself you know there were lots of things I couldn't control but my

5:51 lots of things I couldn't control but my

5:51 lots of things I couldn't control but my attitude was well I'm a victim here I

5:54 attitude was well I'm a victim here I

5:54 attitude was well I'm a victim here I what can I do everything and everybody's

5:57 what can I do everything and everybody's

5:57 what can I do everything and everybody's against me the universe is against me

5:59 against me the universe is against me

5:59 against me the universe is against me which doesn't help us to being depressed

6:01 which doesn't help us to being depressed

6:01 which doesn't help us to being depressed it doesn't help with the anxiety

6:01 it doesn't help with the anxiety

6:01 it doesn't help with the anxiety obviously and I reached a point a little

6:04 obviously and I reached a point a little

6:04 obviously and I reached a point a little bit before going to that divorce still

6:07 bit before going to that divorce still

6:07 bit before going to that divorce still going through the trouble that was

6:08 going through the trouble that was

6:08 going through the trouble that was leading to it but going through that

6:10 leading to it but going through that

6:10 leading to it but going through that what I really decided I want I don't

6:14 what I really decided I want I don't

6:14 what I really decided I want I don't want to be this person I really need to

6:16 want to be this person I really need to

6:16 want to be this person I really need to do something try to be constructive

6:18 do something try to be constructive

6:18 do something try to be constructive positive take on constructive criticism

6:20 positive take on constructive criticism

6:20 positive take on constructive criticism turn positive feelings into words and

6:22 turn positive feelings into words and

6:22 turn positive feelings into words and express positive things to other people

6:26 express positive things to other people

6:26 express positive things to other people put positive output in other words

6:27 put positive output in other words

6:27 put positive output in other words turn anxiety that energy into something

6:30 turn anxiety that energy into something

6:30 turn anxiety that energy into something productive work hobbies whatever I can

6:33 productive work hobbies whatever I can

6:33 productive work hobbies whatever I can do projects which one of them turned out

6:35 do projects which one of them turned out

6:35 do projects which one of them turned out to be videos and obviously turn into a

6:37 to be videos and obviously turn into a

6:37 to be videos and obviously turn into a whole other thing eventually so these

6:39 whole other thing eventually so these

6:39 whole other thing eventually so these were good things but then in the process

6:41 were good things but then in the process

6:41 were good things but then in the process of going through the divorce trying one

6:43 of going through the divorce trying one

6:43 of going through the divorce trying one of those last-ditch marriage counseling

6:45 of those last-ditch marriage counseling

6:45 of those last-ditch marriage counseling class type things I heard two things

6:47 class type things I heard two things

6:47 class type things I heard two things that really helped me and they're both

6:50 that really helped me and they're both

6:50 that really helped me and they're both things that at first I was like what

6:52 things that at first I was like what

6:52 things that at first I was like what that's too simple too stupid sounding

6:55 that's too simple too stupid sounding

6:55 that's too simple too stupid sounding and I don't agree but I tried very much

6:57 and I don't agree but I tried very much

6:57 and I don't agree but I tried very much to take these on board as constructive

7:00 to take these on board as constructive

7:00 to take these on board as constructive criticism and live as if they were true

7:02 criticism and live as if they were true

7:02 criticism and live as if they were true and they both turned out to be true

7:03 and they both turned out to be true

7:03 and they both turned out to be true they're hard pills to swallow nobody can

7:05 they're hard pills to swallow nobody can

7:05 they're hard pills to swallow nobody can make you swallow this bill nobody can

7:07 make you swallow this bill nobody can

7:07 make you swallow this bill nobody can make could have made me swallow this

7:08 make could have made me swallow this

7:08 make could have made me swallow this pill but myself

7:09 pill but myself

7:09 pill but myself I decided I was luckily thankfully on a

7:13 I decided I was luckily thankfully on a

7:13 I decided I was luckily thankfully on a path where I had decided I had to change

7:16 path where I had decided I had to change

7:16 path where I had decided I had to change something because clearly the way I was

7:19 something because clearly the way I was

7:19 something because clearly the way I was doing things and the way I was thinking

7:21 doing things and the way I was thinking

7:21 doing things and the way I was thinking of myself as a victim in the way that I

7:23 of myself as a victim in the way that I

7:23 of myself as a victim in the way that I had been trying to wait for a savior

7:26 had been trying to wait for a savior

7:26 had been trying to wait for a savior wait for other people to help me wait

7:28 wait for other people to help me wait

7:28 wait for other people to help me wait for other people to make me happy and

7:30 for other people to make me happy and

7:30 for other people to make me happy and feel complete was not working so those

7:34 feel complete was not working so those

7:34 feel complete was not working so those two things were number one the first

7:35 two things were number one the first

7:35 two things were number one the first thing they said I really had a hard time

7:37 thing they said I really had a hard time

7:37 thing they said I really had a hard time believing and this is still a struggle

7:40 believing and this is still a struggle

7:40 believing and this is still a struggle sometimes is the only person responsible

7:44 sometimes is the only person responsible

7:44 sometimes is the only person responsible for your happiness is you that was a

7:49 for your happiness is you that was a

7:49 for your happiness is you that was a hard one to hear like what what do you

7:51 hard one to hear like what what do you

7:51 hard one to hear like what what do you mean all these things are making me

7:53 mean all these things are making me

7:53 mean all these things are making me unhappy it's other people's fault that

7:54 unhappy it's other people's fault that

7:54 unhappy it's other people's fault that I'm unhappy and this is about that the

7:57 I'm unhappy and this is about that the

7:57 I'm unhappy and this is about that the only person responsible for your

7:59 only person responsible for your

7:59 only person responsible for your happiness is you can't wait for other

8:02 happiness is you can't wait for other

8:02 happiness is you can't wait for other people to make you happy can't rely on a

8:04 people to make you happy can't rely on a

8:04 people to make you happy can't rely on a spouse or a friend or a job or this or

8:08 spouse or a friend or a job or this or

8:08 spouse or a friend or a job or this or that to make you happy that has to come

8:10 that to make you happy that has to come

8:10 that to make you happy that has to come from somewhere within you you have to

8:12 from somewhere within you you have to

8:12 from somewhere within you you have to choose that choose to be happy right

8:16 choose that choose to be happy right

8:16 choose that choose to be happy right that's a cliche thing that people say

8:18 that's a cliche thing that people say

8:18 that's a cliche thing that people say that's not very constructive but you

8:20 that's not very constructive but you

8:20 that's not very constructive but you have to choose to accept responsibility

8:24 have to choose to accept responsibility

8:24 have to choose to accept responsibility for your own happiness which means kind

8:26 for your own happiness which means kind

8:26 for your own happiness which means kind of putting yourself in a position to

8:29 of putting yourself in a position to

8:29 of putting yourself in a position to work on it right these are the things

8:31 work on it right these are the things

8:31 work on it right these are the things that I was taught the things that I

8:33 that I was taught the things that I

8:33 that I was taught the things that I learned I'm saying there's not my advice

8:35 learned I'm saying there's not my advice

8:35 learned I'm saying there's not my advice to anyone else although I think it was

8:36 to anyone else although I think it was

8:36 to anyone else although I think it was useful for me to hear this

8:39 useful for me to hear this

8:39 useful for me to hear this the second thing was

8:41 the second thing was

8:41 the second thing was you cannot control what's happening but

8:46 you cannot control what's happening but

8:46 you cannot control what's happening but you can control your reaction which I

8:48 you can control your reaction which I

8:48 you can control your reaction which I like to phrase for myself for everyone

8:50 like to phrase for myself for everyone

8:50 like to phrase for myself for everyone else when I pass this along is you can't

8:53 else when I pass this along is you can't

8:53 else when I pass this along is you can't always control your circumstances right

8:57 always control your circumstances right

8:57 always control your circumstances right can't control like for me I couldn't

8:59 can't control like for me I couldn't

8:59 can't control like for me I couldn't control getting celiac disease which we

9:01 control getting celiac disease which we

9:01 control getting celiac disease which we didn't know what it was so I was just

9:02 didn't know what it was so I was just

9:02 didn't know what it was so I was just sick and ill all the time didn't control

9:05 sick and ill all the time didn't control

9:05 sick and ill all the time didn't control being sick and yell all the time I

9:07 being sick and yell all the time I

9:07 being sick and yell all the time I couldn't control the fact that my wife

9:09 couldn't control the fact that my wife

9:09 couldn't control the fact that my wife and the person that I had spent all

9:11 and the person that I had spent all

9:11 and the person that I had spent all these years loving didn't love me at all

9:13 these years loving didn't love me at all

9:13 these years loving didn't love me at all one of the other people and do other

9:15 one of the other people and do other

9:15 one of the other people and do other things and to not to be a part of my

9:17 things and to not to be a part of my

9:17 things and to not to be a part of my life I could not control that I could

9:20 life I could not control that I could

9:20 life I could not control that I could not control well I couldn't instantly

9:23 not control well I couldn't instantly

9:23 not control well I couldn't instantly change let's put it that way the

9:25 change let's put it that way the

9:25 change let's put it that way the situation and I found myself and I

9:26 situation and I found myself and I

9:26 situation and I found myself and I couldn't control my circumstances but

9:30 couldn't control my circumstances but

9:30 couldn't control my circumstances but when I heard the other half of that but

9:34 when I heard the other half of that but

9:34 when I heard the other half of that but you can't control the way that you react

9:35 you can't control the way that you react

9:35 you can't control the way that you react to them there's some caveats to that

9:38 to them there's some caveats to that

9:38 to them there's some caveats to that right cuz there's some natural reactions

9:40 right cuz there's some natural reactions

9:40 right cuz there's some natural reactions but let's take the exceptions out of

9:42 but let's take the exceptions out of

9:42 but let's take the exceptions out of this and just talk about the general

9:43 this and just talk about the general

9:43 this and just talk about the general thing I went I can control the way that

9:48 thing I went I can control the way that

9:48 thing I went I can control the way that I react to them and I realize I have

9:51 I react to them and I realize I have

9:51 I react to them and I realize I have been reacting in a negative way to

9:53 been reacting in a negative way to

9:53 been reacting in a negative way to everything right I gotta try to make

9:56 everything right I gotta try to make

9:56 everything right I gotta try to make this brief because I don't have that

9:57 this brief because I don't have that

9:57 this brief because I don't have that much time here with you but I realized

10:00 much time here with you but I realized

10:00 much time here with you but I realized that a large part of why I felt so

10:02 that a large part of why I felt so

10:02 that a large part of why I felt so negative what felt bitter why sarcasm

10:06 negative what felt bitter why sarcasm

10:06 negative what felt bitter why sarcasm and snark and this this this negative

10:09 and snark and this this this negative

10:09 and snark and this this this negative bubble that I have been trapped into I

10:12 bubble that I have been trapped into I

10:12 bubble that I have been trapped into I realize a big part of that trapping was

10:15 realize a big part of that trapping was

10:15 realize a big part of that trapping was me a big part of the bars on the cage a

10:18 me a big part of the bars on the cage a

10:18 me a big part of the bars on the cage a lot of the bars in the cage were put

10:20 lot of the bars in the cage were put

10:20 lot of the bars in the cage were put there by myself and that if I wanted to

10:23 there by myself and that if I wanted to

10:23 there by myself and that if I wanted to change anything and to be positive and

10:26 change anything and to be positive and

10:26 change anything and to be positive and to do anything about it then I was gonna

10:28 to do anything about it then I was gonna

10:28 to do anything about it then I was gonna have to change myself this happened

10:29 have to change myself this happened

10:29 have to change myself this happened right at the same time in the beginning

10:31 right at the same time in the beginning

10:31 right at the same time in the beginning of the horrible divorce there's your

10:34 of the horrible divorce there's your

10:34 of the horrible divorce there's your house there's your kid lose your car

10:36 house there's your kid lose your car

10:36 house there's your kid lose your car lose your every lose you lose your life

10:38 lose your every lose you lose your life

10:38 lose your every lose you lose your life lose your identity as a person that's in

10:40 lose your identity as a person that's in

10:40 lose your identity as a person that's in a couple it was very obviously

10:42 a couple it was very obviously

10:42 a couple it was very obviously codependent didn't even know it as I've

10:44 codependent didn't even know it as I've

10:44 codependent didn't even know it as I've been with the same person since I was 16

10:45 been with the same person since I was 16

10:45 been with the same person since I was 16 years old that kind of thing this was a

10:47 years old that kind of thing this was a

10:47 years old that kind of thing this was a life shattering moment

10:51 life shattering moment

10:51 life shattering moment and I knew just given my history of

10:55 and I knew just given my history of

10:55 and I knew just given my history of fighting depression and anxiety and

10:56 fighting depression and anxiety and

10:56 fighting depression and anxiety and struggling with these things sink or

10:59 struggling with these things sink or

10:59 struggling with these things sink or swim time and I decided I'd rather swim

11:02 swim time and I decided I'd rather swim

11:02 swim time and I decided I'd rather swim I'd rather try to be positive and try to

11:06 I'd rather try to be positive and try to

11:06 I'd rather try to be positive and try to find the good in things and try to find

11:09 find the good in things and try to find

11:09 find the good in things and try to find what's good about the situation and thus

11:11 what's good about the situation and thus

11:11 what's good about the situation and thus I began the quest for positivity which

11:13 I began the quest for positivity which

11:13 I began the quest for positivity which really starts with trying to find things

11:16 really starts with trying to find things

11:16 really starts with trying to find things to be grateful for trying to wake up

11:17 to be grateful for trying to wake up

11:17 to be grateful for trying to wake up tomorrow and see a good control whether

11:20 tomorrow and see a good control whether

11:21 tomorrow and see a good control whether today is gonna turn out good or bad all

11:23 today is gonna turn out good or bad all

11:23 today is gonna turn out good or bad all the time

11:23 the time

11:23 the time some things happen that just suck so

11:26 some things happen that just suck so

11:26 some things happen that just suck so step one was admitting yeah this sucks

11:28 step one was admitting yeah this sucks

11:28 step one was admitting yeah this sucks but what about tomorrow

11:29 but what about tomorrow

11:29 but what about tomorrow smiles fresh I can wake up tomorrow and

11:31 smiles fresh I can wake up tomorrow and

11:31 smiles fresh I can wake up tomorrow and try again and try again and try again

11:33 try again and try again and try again

11:33 try again and try again and try again and that's been the quest for positivity

11:35 and that's been the quest for positivity

11:35 and that's been the quest for positivity and it worked for me

11:37 and it worked for me

11:37 and it worked for me professional I can't give other people

11:38 professional I can't give other people

11:39 professional I can't give other people advice I can't tell other people what's

11:41 advice I can't tell other people what's

11:41 advice I can't tell other people what's gonna fix their problems everyone's

11:43 gonna fix their problems everyone's

11:43 gonna fix their problems everyone's anxiety depression these things are very

11:44 anxiety depression these things are very

11:44 anxiety depression these things are very serious things and they're very

11:45 serious things and they're very

11:45 serious things and they're very different for everyone and I highly

11:47 different for everyone and I highly

11:47 different for everyone and I highly recommend seeing a therapist if you have

11:48 recommend seeing a therapist if you have

11:48 recommend seeing a therapist if you have the means or ability or opportunity to

11:51 the means or ability or opportunity to

11:51 the means or ability or opportunity to do so to see a professional person even

11:54 do so to see a professional person even

11:54 do so to see a professional person even if you feel like I'm not quite easy I

11:56 if you feel like I'm not quite easy I

11:56 if you feel like I'm not quite easy I have just this mild problem sometimes

11:58 have just this mild problem sometimes

11:58 have just this mild problem sometimes with things out here I'm feeling a

11:59 with things out here I'm feeling a

11:59 with things out here I'm feeling a little depressed it can be really

12:01 little depressed it can be really

12:01 little depressed it can be really helpful

12:01 helpful

12:01 helpful therapists are for normal people it's

12:05 therapists are for normal people it's

12:05 therapists are for normal people it's not other people it's not sort of a

12:07 not other people it's not sort of a

12:07 not other people it's not sort of a thing where there's other people who

12:08 thing where there's other people who

12:08 thing where there's other people who need that and then the rest of us know

12:10 need that and then the rest of us know

12:10 need that and then the rest of us know it can be a it's a good thing for

12:12 it can be a it's a good thing for

12:12 it can be a it's a good thing for everyone it's like it's eating your

12:14 everyone it's like it's eating your

12:14 everyone it's like it's eating your vegetables it's good for everyone it's

12:17 vegetables it's good for everyone it's

12:17 vegetables it's good for everyone it's good for everyone so if you're

12:18 good for everyone so if you're

12:18 good for everyone so if you're struggling there are things you're

12:19 struggling there are things you're

12:19 struggling there are things you're struggling with instead of I'm not a

12:22 struggling with instead of I'm not a

12:22 struggling with instead of I'm not a professional here for you yourself you

12:24 professional here for you yourself you

12:24 professional here for you yourself you may want some help and that's a good

12:26 may want some help and that's a good

12:26 may want some help and that's a good thing and a positive thing so this is

12:29 thing and a positive thing so this is

12:29 thing and a positive thing so this is much my disclaimer than anything I say

12:30 much my disclaimer than anything I say

12:30 much my disclaimer than anything I say it's about me and what I went through

12:33 it's about me and what I went through

12:33 it's about me and what I went through and what worked for me but for the past

12:36 and what worked for me but for the past

12:36 and what worked for me but for the past year that has sort of been eroded so for

12:41 year that has sort of been eroded so for

12:41 year that has sort of been eroded so for four years of the quest for positivity

12:43 four years of the quest for positivity

12:43 four years of the quest for positivity and many of part of the quest we've

12:46 and many of part of the quest we've

12:46 and many of part of the quest we've discussed talked about it was in the

12:48 discussed talked about it was in the

12:48 discussed talked about it was in the sometimes blah he's talking about my

12:49 sometimes blah he's talking about my

12:49 sometimes blah he's talking about my life and my struggles and what's worked

12:51 life and my struggles and what's worked

12:51 life and my struggles and what's worked and not work for the past year I have

12:55 and not work for the past year I have

12:55 and not work for the past year I have been going through a custody dispute and

12:58 been going through a custody dispute and

12:58 been going through a custody dispute and as briefly as I can I will just say that

13:04 as briefly as I can I will just say that

13:04 as briefly as I can I will just say that was just a thing that you know from my

13:07 was just a thing that you know from my

13:07 was just a thing that you know from my perspective could have just been a

13:09 perspective could have just been a

13:09 perspective could have just been a simple compromising thing but it just

13:11 simple compromising thing but it just

13:11 simple compromising thing but it just couldn't and turned into lawyers and

13:14 couldn't and turned into lawyers and

13:14 couldn't and turned into lawyers and then you know a lawyer for the kid and

13:16 then you know a lawyer for the kid and

13:16 then you know a lawyer for the kid and there's lawyers everywhere and

13:18 there's lawyers everywhere and

13:18 there's lawyers everywhere and everybody's life goes into a microscope

13:20 everybody's life goes into a microscope

13:20 everybody's life goes into a microscope and everything that the people don't

13:21 and everything that the people don't

13:21 and everything that the people don't like about each other gets thrown into

13:23 like about each other gets thrown into

13:23 like about each other gets thrown into the thing and everybody's motives are

13:25 the thing and everybody's motives are

13:25 the thing and everybody's motives are questioning every little slip-up that

13:26 questioning every little slip-up that

13:26 questioning every little slip-up that anyone's ever made in their life that's

13:28 anyone's ever made in their life that's

13:28 anyone's ever made in their life that's gonna be documented and thrown in and

13:30 gonna be documented and thrown in and

13:30 gonna be documented and thrown in and inspected and investigated and and and

13:34 inspected and investigated and and and

13:34 inspected and investigated and and and not know these are not crazy

13:37 not know these are not crazy

13:37 not know these are not crazy circumstances just a normal life type of

13:39 circumstances just a normal life type of

13:39 circumstances just a normal life type of things but all gets sort of super heated

13:42 things but all gets sort of super heated

13:42 things but all gets sort of super heated and poked out and prodded out and

13:44 and poked out and prodded out and

13:44 and poked out and prodded out and whatever this has been soul-crushing

13:47 whatever this has been soul-crushing

13:47 whatever this has been soul-crushing and for a lot of reasons number one

13:49 and for a lot of reasons number one

13:49 and for a lot of reasons number one financially a year of pain lawyers I had

13:55 financially a year of pain lawyers I had

13:55 financially a year of pain lawyers I had to have a lot of help and before I asked

13:57 to have a lot of help and before I asked

13:57 to have a lot of help and before I asked for a lot of that help I couldn't

13:59 for a lot of that help I couldn't

13:59 for a lot of that help I couldn't swallow my own pride and was trying to

14:01 swallow my own pride and was trying to

14:01 swallow my own pride and was trying to pay all kinds of bills I couldn't pay

14:02 pay all kinds of bills I couldn't pay

14:02 pay all kinds of bills I couldn't pay totally destroyed financially no savings

14:05 totally destroyed financially no savings

14:05 totally destroyed financially no savings no things for taxes if you're

14:06 no things for taxes if you're

14:06 no things for taxes if you're self-employed you understand that is not

14:08 self-employed you understand that is not

14:08 self-employed you understand that is not gonna be a good thing in it come April

14:10 gonna be a good thing in it come April

14:10 gonna be a good thing in it come April right no money for wedding you guys know

14:13 right no money for wedding you guys know

14:13 right no money for wedding you guys know I got engaged last year you know how

14:16 I got engaged last year you know how

14:16 I got engaged last year you know how soul-crushing it is to look at your

14:17 soul-crushing it is to look at your

14:17 soul-crushing it is to look at your fiancees person with all this optimism

14:19 fiancees person with all this optimism

14:19 fiancees person with all this optimism that you gave a diamond ring to you and

14:21 that you gave a diamond ring to you and

14:21 that you gave a diamond ring to you and go I don't know when we can do this I

14:22 go I don't know when we can do this I

14:22 go I don't know when we can do this I really don't know when I just it's a

14:24 really don't know when I just it's a

14:24 really don't know when I just it's a blank question mark and it might be a

14:26 blank question mark and it might be a

14:26 blank question mark and it might be a question mark for a long time because

14:29 question mark for a long time because

14:29 question mark for a long time because this circumstance is just out of my

14:30 this circumstance is just out of my

14:30 this circumstance is just out of my control I don't know what I can do about

14:32 control I don't know what I can do about

14:32 control I don't know what I can do about it heartbreaking then you have the

14:35 it heartbreaking then you have the

14:35 it heartbreaking then you have the crushing paranoia of just every little

14:40 crushing paranoia of just every little

14:40 crushing paranoia of just every little detail of your life being it under a

14:42 detail of your life being it under a

14:42 detail of your life being it under a microscope there's bad traffic and

14:43 microscope there's bad traffic and

14:43 microscope there's bad traffic and you're late why relay over you're like

14:44 you're late why relay over you're like

14:44 you're late why relay over you're like is this really because your hates our

14:46 is this really because your hates our

14:46 is this really because your hates our trial every little thing that you do

14:48 trial every little thing that you do

14:48 trial every little thing that you do that you say that you think that you

14:50 that you say that you think that you

14:50 that you say that you think that you express slightly incorrectly can be

14:53 express slightly incorrectly can be

14:53 express slightly incorrectly can be taken twisted used against you it's a

14:56 taken twisted used against you it's a

14:56 taken twisted used against you it's a very high-pressure situation a lot of

14:59 very high-pressure situation a lot of

14:59 very high-pressure situation a lot of people would go okay no problem but for

15:01 people would go okay no problem but for

15:01 people would go okay no problem but for me that's a difficult one for me because

15:04 me that's a difficult one for me because

15:04 me that's a difficult one for me because I'm not very articulate sometimes

15:05 I'm not very articulate sometimes

15:05 I'm not very articulate sometimes sometimes I do express myself for long

15:07 sometimes I do express myself for long

15:07 sometimes I do express myself for long and so I I make mistakes you know I can

15:10 and so I I make mistakes you know I can

15:10 and so I I make mistakes you know I can sometimes be a little bit late and

15:12 sometimes be a little bit late and

15:12 sometimes be a little bit late and sometimes I can be absent-minded so

15:14 sometimes I can be absent-minded so

15:14 sometimes I can be absent-minded so making sure I'm on top of everything

15:15 making sure I'm on top of everything

15:15 making sure I'm on top of everything someone who has you

15:17 someone who has you

15:17 someone who has you pretty hmm severe ADHD that can be a

15:21 pretty hmm severe ADHD that can be a

15:21 pretty hmm severe ADHD that can be a very challenging situation and very

15:23 very challenging situation and very

15:23 very challenging situation and very highly stressful to be in then there's

15:27 highly stressful to be in then there's

15:27 highly stressful to be in then there's the impact that this is having or maybe

15:28 the impact that this is having or maybe

15:29 the impact that this is having or maybe not having but having on your child that

15:31 not having but having on your child that

15:31 not having but having on your child that you have two parents who love their

15:33 you have two parents who love their

15:33 you have two parents who love their child you have a child who will

15:34 child you have a child who will

15:34 child you have a child who will obviously loves both parents but you're

15:36 obviously loves both parents but you're

15:36 obviously loves both parents but you're disagreeing about some things I was

15:38 disagreeing about some things I was

15:38 disagreeing about some things I was trying to line myself up as much

15:40 trying to line myself up as much

15:40 trying to line myself up as much obviously as I could with what my child

15:42 obviously as I could with what my child

15:42 obviously as I could with what my child wanted so how the person feels like

15:43 wanted so how the person feels like

15:43 wanted so how the person feels like there's different stuff that's better

15:45 there's different stuff that's better

15:45 there's different stuff that's better for the child things can get really

15:48 for the child things can get really

15:48 for the child things can get really bitter here can really nasty the past

15:50 bitter here can really nasty the past

15:50 bitter here can really nasty the past gets dragged up into it you don't want

15:52 gets dragged up into it you don't want

15:52 gets dragged up into it you don't want this stuff filtering down to your kid

15:54 this stuff filtering down to your kid

15:54 this stuff filtering down to your kid you don't want him feeling the pressure

15:55 you don't want him feeling the pressure

15:55 you don't want him feeling the pressure your mind to feel like it's his fault or

15:57 your mind to feel like it's his fault or

15:57 your mind to feel like it's his fault or that he has to paper sign or anything

15:59 that he has to paper sign or anything

15:59 that he has to paper sign or anything like that obviously so that is if you're

16:03 like that obviously so that is if you're

16:03 like that obviously so that is if you're a parent that cares anything about your

16:04 a parent that cares anything about your

16:05 a parent that cares anything about your kid at all you don't want that to get to

16:07 kid at all you don't want that to get to

16:07 kid at all you don't want that to get to them and reach them by year long

16:10 them and reach them by year long

16:10 them and reach them by year long struggle where they're kind of going

16:11 struggle where they're kind of going

16:11 struggle where they're kind of going what's going on with the schedule are

16:13 what's going on with the schedule are

16:13 what's going on with the schedule are what's going on with this what do you do

16:15 what's going on with this what do you do

16:15 what's going on with this what do you do it it's so frustrating and stressful and

16:18 it it's so frustrating and stressful and

16:18 it it's so frustrating and stressful and I found all that anxiety and struggling

16:23 I found all that anxiety and struggling

16:23 I found all that anxiety and struggling with depression and anxiety came back in

16:26 with depression and anxiety came back in

16:26 with depression and anxiety came back in a big way for me this year it was a big

16:29 a big way for me this year it was a big

16:29 a big way for me this year it was a big mighty massive struggle for the past

16:33 mighty massive struggle for the past

16:33 mighty massive struggle for the past year against all of this stuff the

16:36 year against all of this stuff the

16:36 year against all of this stuff the financial stuff the stress of being

16:39 financial stuff the stress of being

16:39 financial stuff the stress of being scrutinized a big part of the stress for

16:41 scrutinized a big part of the stress for

16:41 scrutinized a big part of the stress for me too with what I do for work

16:43 me too with what I do for work

16:43 me too with what I do for work essentially going to all these places

16:46 essentially going to all these places

16:46 essentially going to all these places doing all this things to be tethered to

16:48 doing all this things to be tethered to

16:48 doing all this things to be tethered to this meeting is this day you have to be

16:49 this meeting is this day you have to be

16:49 this meeting is this day you have to be here this time the other thing and to

16:51 here this time the other thing and to

16:51 here this time the other thing and to sort of instead of having free-flowing

16:52 sort of instead of having free-flowing

16:52 sort of instead of having free-flowing creativity to sort of go you got to be

16:54 creativity to sort of go you got to be

16:54 creativity to sort of go you got to be here maybe you can find something to do

16:57 here maybe you can find something to do

16:57 here maybe you can find something to do while you're stuck here with this and

16:59 while you're stuck here with this and

16:59 while you're stuck here with this and this

16:59 this

16:59 this I was very frustrating very difficult to

17:01 I was very frustrating very difficult to

17:01 I was very frustrating very difficult to plan ahead very difficult to plan things

17:03 plan ahead very difficult to plan things

17:03 plan ahead very difficult to plan things people would be calling me I hate with

17:04 people would be calling me I hate with

17:04 people would be calling me I hate with this great opportunity want you to come

17:05 this great opportunity want you to come

17:05 this great opportunity want you to come film this rad thing I can't I can't do

17:08 film this rad thing I can't I can't do

17:08 film this rad thing I can't I can't do you know how heartbreaking because sure

17:11 you know how heartbreaking because sure

17:11 you know how heartbreaking because sure family comes first and this is obviously

17:13 family comes first and this is obviously

17:13 family comes first and this is obviously the most important thing it was the most

17:14 the most important thing it was the most

17:14 the most important thing it was the most important thing to deal with a year is a

17:17 important thing to deal with a year is a

17:17 important thing to deal with a year is a long time and there are thousands of

17:21 long time and there are thousands of

17:21 long time and there are thousands of other people out there who have been

17:23 other people out there who have been

17:23 other people out there who have been with me for every step of the quest

17:25 with me for every step of the quest

17:25 with me for every step of the quest replies to me all the stuff talked about

17:27 replies to me all the stuff talked about

17:27 replies to me all the stuff talked about you guys I obviously don't want to let

17:29 you guys I obviously don't want to let

17:29 you guys I obviously don't want to let down

17:29 down

17:29 down and people come to me all the time so

17:31 and people come to me all the time so

17:31 and people come to me all the time so your videos really help our family or

17:33 your videos really help our family or

17:33 your videos really help our family or you know how really stressed now I know

17:35 you know how really stressed now I know

17:35 you know how really stressed now I know for me when I was going through a

17:36 for me when I was going through a

17:36 for me when I was going through a divorce so silly BBC animal voice over

17:39 divorce so silly BBC animal voice over

17:39 divorce so silly BBC animal voice over video Alan Alan voiceover don't save my

17:44 video Alan Alan voiceover don't save my

17:44 video Alan Alan voiceover don't save my life so I don't want to let those people

17:48 life so I don't want to let those people

17:48 life so I don't want to let those people down that sort of like are entertained

17:50 down that sort of like are entertained

17:50 down that sort of like are entertained and look at that stuff so obviously I

17:52 and look at that stuff so obviously I

17:52 and look at that stuff so obviously I care about my work a lot a lot I really

17:55 care about my work a lot a lot I really

17:55 care about my work a lot a lot I really probably honestly too much I go way too

17:57 probably honestly too much I go way too

17:57 probably honestly too much I go way too far in there like I can't film the day

17:59 far in there like I can't film the day

17:59 far in there like I can't film the day I'm having a bad you know I only want to

18:02 I'm having a bad you know I only want to

18:02 I'm having a bad you know I only want to ever film when I'm super authentic super

18:04 ever film when I'm super authentic super

18:04 ever film when I'm super authentic super sincere because I don't like being phony

18:05 sincere because I don't like being phony

18:05 sincere because I don't like being phony and I don't like filmy stuff that I

18:07 and I don't like filmy stuff that I

18:07 and I don't like filmy stuff that I don't think it's cool there's lots of

18:08 don't think it's cool there's lots of

18:08 don't think it's cool there's lots of times I get some place to go yeah this

18:10 times I get some place to go yeah this

18:10 times I get some place to go yeah this isn't great I don't want to just film

18:12 isn't great I don't want to just film

18:12 isn't great I don't want to just film this and recommend this to people if

18:14 this and recommend this to people if

18:14 this and recommend this to people if they're gonna come here and it's not

18:15 they're gonna come here and it's not

18:15 they're gonna come here and it's not also going so I do care I care a lot

18:19 also going so I do care I care a lot

18:19 also going so I do care I care a lot about that stuffing to just sort of have

18:21 about that stuffing to just sort of have

18:21 about that stuffing to just sort of have it oh sorry

18:23 it oh sorry

18:23 it oh sorry creative control gone it's not be able

18:26 creative control gone it's not be able

18:26 creative control gone it's not be able to play and not be able to miss a lot of

18:28 to play and not be able to miss a lot of

18:28 to play and not be able to miss a lot of these rad opportunities what's really

18:30 these rad opportunities what's really

18:30 these rad opportunities what's really frustrating really difficult to see

18:32 frustrating really difficult to see

18:32 frustrating really difficult to see videos eking out you know not as often

18:34 videos eking out you know not as often

18:34 videos eking out you know not as often as I wanted them to be or not to be able

18:36 as I wanted them to be or not to be able

18:36 as I wanted them to be or not to be able to work on stuff

18:37 to work on stuff

18:37 to work on stuff tough it turns out I never knew this

18:40 tough it turns out I never knew this

18:40 tough it turns out I never knew this about myself when I was younger but it

18:43 about myself when I was younger but it

18:43 about myself when I was younger but it turns out that I'm sort of one of those

18:44 turns out that I'm sort of one of those

18:44 turns out that I'm sort of one of those I live to work people you have the

18:47 I live to work people you have the

18:47 I live to work people you have the people who work to live people who work

18:50 people who work to live people who work

18:50 people who work to live people who work because they want the paycheck because

18:52 because they want the paycheck because

18:52 because they want the paycheck because they're gonna go kayaking and they've

18:54 they're gonna go kayaking and they've

18:54 they're gonna go kayaking and they've got big lives too late to lead out there

18:57 got big lives too late to lead out there

18:57 got big lives too late to lead out there then you sort of have people who my

18:59 then you sort of have people who my

18:59 then you sort of have people who my dad's one of these people who they just

19:01 dad's one of these people who they just

19:01 dad's one of these people who they just get up in the morning and what drives

19:04 get up in the morning and what drives

19:04 get up in the morning and what drives them a big part of what drives them is

19:07 them a big part of what drives them is

19:07 them a big part of what drives them is work they just live to work that they've

19:08 work they just live to work that they've

19:08 work they just live to work that they've got some projects or something that

19:10 got some projects or something that

19:10 got some projects or something that they're really passionate about they got

19:11 they're really passionate about they got

19:11 they're really passionate about they got they they have to work on it or they'll

19:13 they they have to work on it or they'll

19:13 they they have to work on it or they'll go nuts and it turns out that I'm one of

19:16 go nuts and it turns out that I'm one of

19:16 go nuts and it turns out that I'm one of those people so that was very

19:17 those people so that was very

19:17 those people so that was very frustrating very stressful and I was

19:20 frustrating very stressful and I was

19:20 frustrating very stressful and I was gonna have long-term consequences

19:22 gonna have long-term consequences

19:22 gonna have long-term consequences especially financially the are gonna end

19:24 especially financially the are gonna end

19:24 especially financially the are gonna end anytime soon but obviously because it is

19:26 anytime soon but obviously because it is

19:27 anytime soon but obviously because it is a legal problem because of that

19:29 a legal problem because of that

19:29 a legal problem because of that microscope that I was talking about

19:31 microscope that I was talking about

19:31 microscope that I was talking about because of the pressure because of

19:32 because of the pressure because of

19:33 because of the pressure because of possibly accidentally saying the wrong

19:34 possibly accidentally saying the wrong

19:34 possibly accidentally saying the wrong thing or trying you know when you're

19:36 thing or trying you know when you're

19:36 thing or trying you know when you're frustrated and you're gonna disagree

19:38 frustrated and you're gonna disagree

19:38 frustrated and you're gonna disagree with some it's really easy back there

19:39 with some it's really easy back there

19:39 with some it's really easy back there they're wrong they're evil it's really

19:42 they're wrong they're evil it's really

19:42 they're wrong they're evil it's really evil or it's really easy to say the

19:45 evil or it's really easy to say the

19:45 evil or it's really easy to say the other side is evil just because you

19:47 other side is evil just because you

19:47 other side is evil just because you disagree right and not see the positive

19:49 disagree right and not see the positive

19:49 disagree right and not see the positive into good Mo's I would never want to let

19:51 into good Mo's I would never want to let

19:51 into good Mo's I would never want to let something slip out accidentally or say

19:53 something slip out accidentally or say

19:53 something slip out accidentally or say the wrong thing certainly I wouldn't

19:54 the wrong thing certainly I wouldn't

19:54 the wrong thing certainly I wouldn't want to say the wrong thing that's gonna

19:55 want to say the wrong thing that's gonna

19:55 want to say the wrong thing that's gonna get scrutinized the wrong way or getting

19:57 get scrutinized the wrong way or getting

19:57 get scrutinized the wrong way or getting me in trouble

19:58 me in trouble

19:58 me in trouble obviously on top of that see so because

20:00 obviously on top of that see so because

20:00 obviously on top of that see so because it's a legal issue there were a lot of

20:01 it's a legal issue there were a lot of

20:01 it's a legal issue there were a lot of reasons to not do this accidentally say

20:05 reasons to not do this accidentally say

20:05 reasons to not do this accidentally say something I didn't mean to not

20:06 something I didn't mean to not

20:06 something I didn't mean to not accidentally let something slip so I

20:08 accidentally let something slip so I

20:08 accidentally let something slip so I sorta had to cut out the personal life

20:10 sorta had to cut out the personal life

20:10 sorta had to cut out the personal life and the open book access to the life

20:12 and the open book access to the life

20:12 and the open book access to the life right but I am happy to say that we're

20:15 right but I am happy to say that we're

20:15 right but I am happy to say that we're having this chat I'm happy to say that

20:18 having this chat I'm happy to say that

20:18 having this chat I'm happy to say that some of that pressure is gone because

20:23 some of that pressure is gone because

20:23 some of that pressure is gone because yesterday well for me a few days ago for

20:26 yesterday well for me a few days ago for

20:26 yesterday well for me a few days ago for you a decision was finally reached

20:29 you a decision was finally reached

20:29 you a decision was finally reached finally got into a courtroom

20:32 finally got into a courtroom

20:32 finally got into a courtroom lawyers for all sides made their

20:35 lawyers for all sides made their

20:35 lawyers for all sides made their presentations made their case the judge

20:37 presentations made their case the judge

20:37 presentations made their case the judge heard it a judge made decisions and I am

20:42 heard it a judge made decisions and I am

20:42 heard it a judge made decisions and I am very happy with those decisions nobody

20:46 very happy with those decisions nobody

20:46 very happy with those decisions nobody wins or loses in these kinds of things I

20:48 wins or loses in these kinds of things I

20:48 wins or loses in these kinds of things I really can't stress that enough that's

20:50 really can't stress that enough that's

20:50 really can't stress that enough that's not justice the politically correct

20:52 not justice the politically correct

20:52 not justice the politically correct thing to say that's how I actually feel

20:54 thing to say that's how I actually feel

20:54 thing to say that's how I actually feel what he's a winner here certainly not me

20:56 what he's a winner here certainly not me

20:56 what he's a winner here certainly not me because you know but the point is that

21:03 because you know but the point is that

21:03 because you know but the point is that the whole thing isn't about winning or

21:05 the whole thing isn't about winning or

21:05 the whole thing isn't about winning or losing its Board of child and what

21:07 losing its Board of child and what

21:07 losing its Board of child and what happened here was that I feel very happy

21:10 happened here was that I feel very happy

21:10 happened here was that I feel very happy with the outcome what the judge decided

21:12 with the outcome what the judge decided

21:12 with the outcome what the judge decided was best for the child a schedule

21:14 was best for the child a schedule

21:14 was best for the child a schedule adjustment the different various other

21:16 adjustment the different various other

21:16 adjustment the different various other thing some medical decisions things like

21:18 thing some medical decisions things like

21:18 thing some medical decisions things like that which I can't be specific about for

21:21 that which I can't be specific about for

21:21 that which I can't be specific about for obvious reasons we're decided and so a

21:24 obvious reasons we're decided and so a

21:24 obvious reasons we're decided and so a big part of the contention a big part of

21:28 big part of the contention a big part of

21:28 big part of the contention a big part of the stuff being fought about probably

21:30 the stuff being fought about probably

21:30 the stuff being fought about probably some of the biggest sort of blocks

21:33 some of the biggest sort of blocks

21:33 some of the biggest sort of blocks between the two sides of his family's

21:36 between the two sides of his family's

21:36 between the two sides of his family's getting along we're decided one way or

21:40 getting along we're decided one way or

21:40 getting along we're decided one way or another the other day and for the most

21:43 another the other day and for the most

21:43 another the other day and for the most part

21:45 part

21:45 part this whole court thing is over I'm very

21:53 this whole court thing is over I'm very

21:53 this whole court thing is over I'm very happy about the way things were decided

21:55 happy about the way things were decided

21:55 happy about the way things were decided most of the things at least went the way

21:59 most of the things at least went the way

21:59 most of the things at least went the way that I sort of hoped that they would go

22:00 that I sort of hoped that they would go

22:00 that I sort of hoped that they would go more important to me

22:02 more important to me

22:02 more important to me London is very happy with sort of the

22:05 London is very happy with sort of the

22:05 London is very happy with sort of the conclusions and the way that things are

22:06 conclusions and the way that things are

22:06 conclusions and the way that things are going to go from this and I think as

22:09 going to go from this and I think as

22:09 going to go from this and I think as concerns you and me you guys in me one

22:12 concerns you and me you guys in me one

22:12 concerns you and me you guys in me one of the biggest most important things is

22:13 of the biggest most important things is

22:13 of the biggest most important things is that now I'll be able to have a

22:14 that now I'll be able to have a

22:14 that now I'll be able to have a predictable schedule where I know I can

22:17 predictable schedule where I know I can

22:17 predictable schedule where I know I can plan ahead to do these things if people

22:19 plan ahead to do these things if people

22:19 plan ahead to do these things if people call with opportunities we have these

22:20 call with opportunities we have these

22:20 call with opportunities we have these cool adventures I'm able to schedule

22:22 cool adventures I'm able to schedule

22:22 cool adventures I'm able to schedule those out and do those things the stuff

22:24 those out and do those things the stuff

22:24 those out and do those things the stuff doesn't kick in for a little while

22:25 doesn't kick in for a little while

22:25 doesn't kick in for a little while there's still some messy times to get

22:27 there's still some messy times to get

22:27 there's still some messy times to get through here but I've got to be honest

22:30 through here but I've got to be honest

22:30 through here but I've got to be honest with you for the first time in a year

22:32 with you for the first time in a year

22:32 with you for the first time in a year and I got really emotional about this

22:36 and I got really emotional about this

22:36 and I got really emotional about this when I walked out of the courtroom

22:37 when I walked out of the courtroom

22:37 when I walked out of the courtroom having heard a lot of the things that I

22:39 having heard a lot of the things that I

22:39 having heard a lot of the things that I was wanting to hear right I still I

22:42 was wanting to hear right I still I

22:42 was wanting to hear right I still I walked out and my family you know the

22:44 walked out and my family you know the

22:44 walked out and my family you know the families were out of the core versus

22:45 families were out of the core versus

22:45 families were out of the core versus just the people involved in the

22:47 just the people involved in the

22:47 just the people involved in the courtroom and I walked out they thought

22:48 courtroom and I walked out they thought

22:48 courtroom and I walked out they thought something had just really emotional

22:52 something had just really emotional

22:52 something had just really emotional because for the first time in a year I

22:56 because for the first time in a year I

22:56 because for the first time in a year I just felt like I was able to breathe I I

23:00 just felt like I was able to breathe I I

23:00 just felt like I was able to breathe I I cannot explain this unless you've been

23:03 cannot explain this unless you've been

23:03 cannot explain this unless you've been through something similar about how you

23:04 through something similar about how you

23:04 through something similar about how you physically felt that weight come off of

23:08 physically felt that weight come off of

23:08 physically felt that weight come off of me I cannot tell you how worried I've

23:12 me I cannot tell you how worried I've

23:12 me I cannot tell you how worried I've been for my kid for my family for my

23:14 been for my kid for my family for my

23:14 been for my kid for my family for my situation for myself for doing my job

23:17 situation for myself for doing my job

23:17 situation for myself for doing my job all these different things different

23:19 all these different things different

23:19 all these different things different points of being stressed and I'm not

23:21 points of being stressed and I'm not

23:21 points of being stressed and I'm not saying my life was any worse than other

23:23 saying my life was any worse than other

23:23 saying my life was any worse than other people's you're playing people got a lot

23:24 people's you're playing people got a lot

23:24 people's you're playing people got a lot worse than me and I'm very grateful

23:25 worse than me and I'm very grateful

23:25 worse than me and I'm very grateful don't get me wrong for my life even

23:27 don't get me wrong for my life even

23:27 don't get me wrong for my life even during that what kept me sane during the

23:30 during that what kept me sane during the

23:30 during that what kept me sane during the whole thing was that quest for

23:31 whole thing was that quest for

23:31 whole thing was that quest for positivity looking for things to be

23:33 positivity looking for things to be

23:33 positivity looking for things to be grateful for acknowledging sometimes the

23:35 grateful for acknowledging sometimes the

23:35 grateful for acknowledging sometimes the things suck I mean I had the anxiety

23:38 things suck I mean I had the anxiety

23:38 things suck I mean I had the anxiety came back in a big way being depressed

23:40 came back in a big way being depressed

23:40 came back in a big way being depressed came back in a big way but having that

23:42 came back in a big way but having that

23:42 came back in a big way but having that quest for positivity I mean a lot of you

23:44 quest for positivity I mean a lot of you

23:44 quest for positivity I mean a lot of you guys sharing your stories whether you

23:46 guys sharing your stories whether you

23:46 guys sharing your stories whether you knew what you were doing or not what I

23:47 knew what you were doing or not what I

23:47 knew what you were doing or not what I was going through about some of the

23:49 was going through about some of the

23:49 was going through about some of the quest for positivity stuff helping you

23:51 quest for positivity stuff helping you

23:51 quest for positivity stuff helping you and save bad situations people were

23:53 and save bad situations people were

23:53 and save bad situations people were going through where they applied the

23:54 going through where they applied the

23:54 going through where they applied the some but I can't control the

23:55 some but I can't control the

23:55 some but I can't control the circumstances I can control my reaction

23:57 circumstances I can control my reaction

23:57 circumstances I can control my reaction to

23:57 to

23:57 to new day want to pay forward the

23:59 new day want to pay forward the

23:59 new day want to pay forward the positivity do positive things for others

24:02 positivity do positive things for others

24:02 positivity do positive things for others really inspiring stuff from other people

24:05 really inspiring stuff from other people

24:05 really inspiring stuff from other people so I inspired people who ended up

24:08 so I inspired people who ended up

24:08 so I inspired people who ended up inspiring me so there's like a whole

24:09 inspiring me so there's like a whole

24:09 inspiring me so there's like a whole just you know paying it forward

24:11 just you know paying it forward

24:11 just you know paying it forward positivity thing that happened that

24:14 positivity thing that happened that

24:14 positivity thing that happened that really got me through but still there

24:16 really got me through but still there

24:16 really got me through but still there was quite a wing and I physically felt

24:19 was quite a wing and I physically felt

24:19 was quite a wing and I physically felt that lifting off I mean in a

24:22 that lifting off I mean in a

24:22 that lifting off I mean in a unbelievably Oh crazy way I felt like

24:26 unbelievably Oh crazy way I felt like

24:26 unbelievably Oh crazy way I felt like I'd been punched all over my body I

24:28 I'd been punched all over my body I

24:28 I'd been punched all over my body I there were many tears yesterday tears of

24:31 there were many tears yesterday tears of

24:31 there were many tears yesterday tears of happiness tears of relief but London got

24:33 happiness tears of relief but London got

24:33 happiness tears of relief but London got to my house he is very happy about the

24:34 to my house he is very happy about the

24:34 to my house he is very happy about the outcome a lot more tears and I love you

24:36 outcome a lot more tears and I love you

24:36 outcome a lot more tears and I love you and this is gonna be positive and a lot

24:38 and this is gonna be positive and a lot

24:38 and this is gonna be positive and a lot of okay fresh start a chance to pop back

24:42 of okay fresh start a chance to pop back

24:42 of okay fresh start a chance to pop back on top of that school work to work on

24:44 on top of that school work to work on

24:44 on top of that school work to work on these other stuff this stuff is not

24:45 these other stuff this stuff is not

24:45 these other stuff this stuff is not gonna be an issue anymore it's solved

24:47 gonna be an issue anymore it's solved

24:47 gonna be an issue anymore it's solved you know now we got a lot of other stuff

24:50 you know now we got a lot of other stuff

24:50 you know now we got a lot of other stuff to focus on but a good day but the funny

24:54 to focus on but a good day but the funny

24:54 to focus on but a good day but the funny part was I thought I was gonna wake up

24:55 part was I thought I was gonna wake up

24:55 part was I thought I was gonna wake up today and be like full of energy zipping

24:57 today and be like full of energy zipping

24:57 today and be like full of energy zipping around let's go let's get to Knott's

24:59 around let's go let's get to Knott's

24:59 around let's go let's get to Knott's Berry Farm got some boysenberry punch

25:01 Berry Farm got some boysenberry punch

25:01 Berry Farm got some boysenberry punch and I woke up today so tired we hear you

25:08 and I woke up today so tired we hear you

25:08 and I woke up today so tired we hear you birds I woke up today just deflated

25:12 birds I woke up today just deflated

25:12 birds I woke up today just deflated feeling hello so we exciting why I

25:14 feeling hello so we exciting why I

25:14 feeling hello so we exciting why I should be like dancing on the tables and

25:16 should be like dancing on the tables and

25:16 should be like dancing on the tables and inside I sort of am but it's just so

25:19 inside I sort of am but it's just so

25:19 inside I sort of am but it's just so much such a long duration of stress you

25:23 much such a long duration of stress you

25:23 much such a long duration of stress you know like I said all things are relative

25:25 know like I said all things are relative

25:25 know like I said all things are relative there's a lot of people with a lot more

25:27 there's a lot of people with a lot more

25:27 there's a lot of people with a lot more or different stress to me she doesn't

25:28 or different stress to me she doesn't

25:28 or different stress to me she doesn't really tell you know what someone's

25:30 really tell you know what someone's

25:30 really tell you know what someone's going through because for them something

25:31 going through because for them something

25:31 going through because for them something could totally stressed them out that

25:33 could totally stressed them out that

25:33 could totally stressed them out that wouldn't stress you out or me out you

25:34 wouldn't stress you out or me out you

25:34 wouldn't stress you out or me out you know

25:35 know

25:35 know but I will just I didn't even realize

25:38 but I will just I didn't even realize

25:38 but I will just I didn't even realize how stressed and how just crushed well

25:42 how stressed and how just crushed well

25:42 how stressed and how just crushed well until it was off and I feel like if you

25:47 until it was off and I feel like if you

25:47 until it was off and I feel like if you ever been in a car accident and you

25:48 ever been in a car accident and you

25:48 ever been in a car accident and you understand this analogy but I when I was

25:51 understand this analogy but I when I was

25:51 understand this analogy but I when I was in a car accident I mean it took weeks

25:52 in a car accident I mean it took weeks

25:52 in a car accident I mean it took weeks just for your body to feel normal just

25:55 just for your body to feel normal just

25:55 just for your body to feel normal just that impact even though you know you

25:57 that impact even though you know you

25:57 that impact even though you know you felt a little bit better a day or two

25:59 felt a little bit better a day or two

25:59 felt a little bit better a day or two later when some of the main

26:00 later when some of the main

26:00 later when some of the main took a long time for your body to get

26:03 took a long time for your body to get

26:03 took a long time for your body to get that feeling that now just that weight

26:07 that feeling that now just that weight

26:07 that feeling that now just that weight lifted off so I wanted to share the good

26:10 lifted off so I wanted to share the good

26:10 lifted off so I wanted to share the good news that some of that stuff has been

26:11 news that some of that stuff has been

26:11 news that some of that stuff has been gone and I have alluded to like houses

26:13 gone and I have alluded to like houses

26:13 gone and I have alluded to like houses court things going on it's really

26:14 court things going on it's really

26:14 court things going on it's really stressful a lot of times so I don't

26:15 stressful a lot of times so I don't

26:15 stressful a lot of times so I don't think people knew how stressful we're

26:17 think people knew how stressful we're

26:17 think people knew how stressful we're talking about in some states a house

26:19 talking about in some states a house

26:19 talking about in some states a house worth of learning is stressful we're

26:20 worth of learning is stressful we're

26:20 worth of learning is stressful we're talking about everybody's lives being

26:23 talking about everybody's lives being

26:23 talking about everybody's lives being interrupted and poked into and and

26:25 interrupted and poked into and and

26:25 interrupted and poked into and and everybody's motives and actions

26:27 everybody's motives and actions

26:27 everybody's motives and actions questioned at every level to get through

26:31 questioned at every level to get through

26:31 questioned at every level to get through this thing I know I think the net gain

26:34 this thing I know I think the net gain

26:34 this thing I know I think the net gain of this is all positive for the future

26:37 of this is all positive for the future

26:37 of this is all positive for the future for everybody's future hopefully now

26:40 for everybody's future hopefully now

26:40 for everybody's future hopefully now these big things gone some healing could

26:42 these big things gone some healing could

26:42 these big things gone some healing could happen everyone can get along a lot

26:43 happen everyone can get along a lot

26:43 happen everyone can get along a lot better

26:44 better

26:44 better I'm really looking on the bright side

26:46 I'm really looking on the bright side

26:46 I'm really looking on the bright side for the future and father stuff for my

26:48 for the future and father stuff for my

26:48 for the future and father stuff for my other family but it's also affected by

26:51 other family but it's also affected by

26:51 other family but it's also affected by my day job kind of thing with you guys

26:53 my day job kind of thing with you guys

26:53 my day job kind of thing with you guys and the adventures and all that kind of

26:55 and the adventures and all that kind of

26:55 and the adventures and all that kind of stuff and we're just closed off the

26:58 stuff and we're just closed off the

26:58 stuff and we're just closed off the doors closed a little little less access

27:01 doors closed a little little less access

27:01 doors closed a little little less access to the personal life and I didn't want

27:03 to the personal life and I didn't want

27:03 to the personal life and I didn't want people to think that's because I shut

27:04 people to think that's because I shut

27:04 people to think that's because I shut you out or had become less authentic or

27:07 you out or had become less authentic or

27:07 you out or had become less authentic or something like that

27:08 something like that

27:08 something like that I'm sure playing people who hate me and

27:10 I'm sure playing people who hate me and

27:10 I'm sure playing people who hate me and want to find something God in everything

27:11 want to find something God in everything

27:11 want to find something God in everything I do I didn't want people to you know to

27:13 I do I didn't want people to you know to

27:13 I do I didn't want people to you know to think that I was shutting them out or

27:16 think that I was shutting them out or

27:16 think that I was shutting them out or whatever we're slacking off or just

27:18 whatever we're slacking off or just

27:18 whatever we're slacking off or just chilling on a beach somewhere oh the

27:20 chilling on a beach somewhere oh the

27:20 chilling on a beach somewhere oh the stuff was going on this was hard this

27:23 stuff was going on this was hard this

27:23 stuff was going on this was hard this was hard but what I wanted to say I

27:25 was hard but what I wanted to say I

27:25 was hard but what I wanted to say I wanted to share that stuff get some of

27:28 wanted to share that stuff get some of

27:28 wanted to share that stuff get some of that off my chest it's been a long time

27:29 that off my chest it's been a long time

27:29 that off my chest it's been a long time I've been able to just feel like I had

27:31 I've been able to just feel like I had

27:31 I've been able to just feel like I had the freedom to just be open write about

27:34 the freedom to just be open write about

27:34 the freedom to just be open write about stuff but I wanted to say for myself

27:39 stuff but I wanted to say for myself

27:39 stuff but I wanted to say for myself that having come to what's hopefully the

27:42 that having come to what's hopefully the

27:42 that having come to what's hopefully the end of this stuff really the most part

27:46 end of this stuff really the most part

27:46 end of this stuff really the most part of it now the financial stuff but the

27:48 of it now the financial stuff but the

27:48 of it now the financial stuff but the most of the rest that that stuff that

27:52 most of the rest that that stuff that

27:52 most of the rest that that stuff that simple stuff the stuff that sounds like

27:54 simple stuff the stuff that sounds like

27:54 simple stuff the stuff that sounds like would be the least helpful the cliche

27:56 would be the least helpful the cliche

27:56 would be the least helpful the cliche stuff and nobody can tell somebody else

27:58 stuff and nobody can tell somebody else

27:58 stuff and nobody can tell somebody else to be positive and if I things I yeah

28:00 to be positive and if I things I yeah

28:00 to be positive and if I things I yeah yes you for yourself don't tell other

28:02 yes you for yourself don't tell other

28:02 yes you for yourself don't tell other people to do this they have to decide

28:04 people to do this they have to decide

28:05 people to do this they have to decide they're at a point where they want to

28:06 they're at a point where they want to

28:06 they're at a point where they want to change and find things that they'd like

28:09 change and find things that they'd like

28:09 change and find things that they'd like to work on and deaths take it onboard

28:11 to work on and deaths take it onboard

28:11 to work on and deaths take it onboard themselves but for me I

28:14 themselves but for me I

28:14 themselves but for me I that the simplest things looking for

28:18 that the simplest things looking for

28:18 that the simplest things looking for things everyday to be grateful for

28:20 things everyday to be grateful for

28:20 things everyday to be grateful for especially the people around you in your

28:22 especially the people around you in your

28:22 especially the people around you in your life and not trying to take them for

28:23 life and not trying to take them for

28:23 life and not trying to take them for granted because that's a really easy

28:25 granted because that's a really easy

28:25 granted because that's a really easy thing to do when you're stressed out to

28:28 thing to do when you're stressed out to

28:28 thing to do when you're stressed out to trying to choose to be positive about

28:30 trying to choose to be positive about

28:30 trying to choose to be positive about things to try to see the silver lining

28:36 things to try to see the silver lining

28:36 things to try to see the silver lining and things to try to see tomorrow as a

28:39 and things to try to see tomorrow as a

28:39 and things to try to see tomorrow as a fresh new start every day when these

28:42 fresh new start every day when these

28:42 fresh new start every day when these things were going on to try to remember

28:44 things were going on to try to remember

28:44 things were going on to try to remember that the anxiety will not last forever

28:47 that the anxiety will not last forever

28:47 that the anxiety will not last forever don't embrace it don't accept it don't

28:49 don't embrace it don't accept it don't

28:49 don't embrace it don't accept it don't identify as I am a depressed person I am

28:52 identify as I am a depressed person I am

28:52 identify as I am a depressed person I am an anxious person but tell you know tell

28:55 an anxious person but tell you know tell

28:55 an anxious person but tell you know tell yourself this is something to struggle

28:57 yourself this is something to struggle

28:57 yourself this is something to struggle against I'm going to struggle against

28:58 against I'm going to struggle against

28:58 against I'm going to struggle against this this isn't who I want to be and

28:59 this this isn't who I want to be and

28:59 this this isn't who I want to be and this doesn't have to define me or Who I

29:01 this doesn't have to define me or Who I

29:01 this doesn't have to define me or Who I am

29:02 am these simple things especially

29:06 these simple things especially

29:06 these simple things especially remembering I can't control this

29:09 remembering I can't control this

29:09 remembering I can't control this circumstance I can't control the stuff

29:11 circumstance I can't control the stuff

29:11 circumstance I can't control the stuff that's happening to me the pouncer it

29:13 that's happening to me the pouncer it

29:13 that's happening to me the pouncer it sucks it is bad we can't control I can

29:17 sucks it is bad we can't control I can

29:17 sucks it is bad we can't control I can control for the most part most days my

29:22 control for the most part most days my

29:22 control for the most part most days my reaction to it and choosing to try to be

29:27 reaction to it and choosing to try to be

29:27 reaction to it and choosing to try to be nice to people to be positive it works

29:33 nice to people to be positive it works

29:33 nice to people to be positive it works it just works it doesn't solve

29:37 it just works it doesn't solve

29:37 it just works it doesn't solve everything it's not a cure-all but it

29:40 everything it's not a cure-all but it

29:40 everything it's not a cure-all but it really did help in a major way

29:42 really did help in a major way

29:42 really did help in a major way especially when that anxiety came

29:43 especially when that anxiety came

29:43 especially when that anxiety came screaming back I was only natural you're

29:44 screaming back I was only natural you're

29:44 screaming back I was only natural you're gonna have anxiety when these things

29:45 gonna have anxiety when these things

29:45 gonna have anxiety when these things right especially when the pressure hit

29:49 right especially when the pressure hit

29:49 right especially when the pressure hit people are screaming at you when things

29:51 people are screaming at you when things

29:51 people are screaming at you when things are going wrong your debt up to your

29:53 are going wrong your debt up to your

29:53 are going wrong your debt up to your eyeballs and the words you kind of say

29:55 eyeballs and the words you kind of say

29:55 eyeballs and the words you kind of say heartbreaking things to people that you

29:57 heartbreaking things to people that you

29:57 heartbreaking things to people that you love just to remember that I can't

29:59 love just to remember that I can't

29:59 love just to remember that I can't control the circumstance now all I can

30:01 control the circumstance now all I can

30:01 control the circumstance now all I can do is acknowledge that and decide to do

30:05 do is acknowledge that and decide to do

30:05 do is acknowledge that and decide to do the best that I can so that I walk away

30:08 the best that I can so that I walk away

30:08 the best that I can so that I walk away at the end of this being the most proud

30:10 at the end of this being the most proud

30:10 at the end of this being the most proud of myself that I can possibly be and it

30:13 of myself that I can possibly be and it

30:13 of myself that I can possibly be and it was tough but I'm hoping now you know

30:18 was tough but I'm hoping now you know

30:18 was tough but I'm hoping now you know again

30:20 again

30:20 again that I've that the corner has been

30:22 that I've that the corner has been

30:22 that I've that the corner has been turned here that good things were given

30:26 turned here that good things were given

30:26 turned here that good things were given to my son here for his life good

30:28 to my son here for his life good

30:28 to my son here for his life good decisions were made for him and that

30:30 decisions were made for him and that

30:30 decisions were made for him and that this is a new day

30:32 this is a new day

30:32 this is a new day this is a new day going for I mean it's

30:34 this is a new day going for I mean it's

30:34 this is a new day going for I mean it's turtles and stuff they haven't kicked in

30:36 turtles and stuff they haven't kicked in

30:36 turtles and stuff they haven't kicked in yet but it's a new day so I just wanted

30:39 yet but it's a new day so I just wanted

30:39 yet but it's a new day so I just wanted to share that so that's the stuff that

30:40 to share that so that's the stuff that

30:40 to share that so that's the stuff that I've been going on going through in my

30:42 I've been going on going through in my

30:42 I've been going on going through in my life for the past year that I really

30:44 life for the past year that I really

30:44 life for the past year that I really wasn't able to touch on that's about as

30:46 wasn't able to touch on that's about as

30:46 wasn't able to touch on that's about as specific as I can be

30:47 specific as I can be

30:47 specific as I can be again I don't like to demonize the other

30:48 again I don't like to demonize the other

30:48 again I don't like to demonize the other side or I don't want a pity party you

30:52 side or I don't want a pity party you

30:52 side or I don't want a pity party you know I do like to explain what's been

30:54 know I do like to explain what's been

30:54 know I do like to explain what's been going on and share some of that with you

30:57 going on and share some of that with you

30:57 going on and share some of that with you guys mostly so they feel like two videos

31:01 guys mostly so they feel like two videos

31:01 guys mostly so they feel like two videos this week it wasn't 7 or 1 or whatever

31:03 this week it wasn't 7 or 1 or whatever

31:03 this week it wasn't 7 or 1 or whatever it was you can kind of understand that

31:05 it was you can kind of understand that

31:05 it was you can kind of understand that there's some heavy stuff going on behind

31:07 there's some heavy stuff going on behind

31:07 there's some heavy stuff going on behind that curtain

31:08 that curtain

31:08 that curtain I wasn't really at liberty to discuss so

31:11 I wasn't really at liberty to discuss so

31:11 I wasn't really at liberty to discuss so that's as specific as I want to be about

31:13 that's as specific as I want to be about

31:13 that's as specific as I want to be about the contingent stuff that isn't really

31:15 the contingent stuff that isn't really

31:15 the contingent stuff that isn't really the point it's more about you can do it

31:19 the point it's more about you can do it

31:19 the point it's more about you can do it if you're going through something and

31:21 if you're going through something and

31:21 if you're going through something and you're struggling you can do it

31:23 you're struggling you can do it

31:23 you're struggling you can do it obviously there's lots of resources help

31:25 obviously there's lots of resources help

31:25 obviously there's lots of resources help that you can get if you're struggling

31:26 that you can get if you're struggling

31:26 that you can get if you're struggling with anxiety or depression get help

31:28 with anxiety or depression get help

31:28 with anxiety or depression get help people there are people out there that

31:30 people there are people out there that

31:30 people there are people out there that can help you there are ways of being

31:31 can help you there are ways of being

31:31 can help you there are ways of being help but there is also something to be

31:34 help but there is also something to be

31:34 help but there is also something to be said on top of that for you can do it

31:38 said on top of that for you can do it

31:38 said on top of that for you can do it stay positive stay the course

31:40 stay positive stay the course

31:40 stay positive stay the course find good motivations find things to be

31:44 find good motivations find things to be

31:44 find good motivations find things to be grateful for and remember you can't

31:45 grateful for and remember you can't

31:45 grateful for and remember you can't always control what happens or the

31:47 always control what happens or the

31:47 always control what happens or the outcome but you can try to control how

31:50 outcome but you can try to control how

31:50 outcome but you can try to control how you react to it

31:51 you react to it

31:51 you react to it the quest for positivity is strong my

31:52 the quest for positivity is strong my

31:52 the quest for positivity is strong my friends it is strong I hope that you're

31:55 friends it is strong I hope that you're

31:55 friends it is strong I hope that you're on the question with me I think I'm

31:58 on the question with me I think I'm

31:58 on the question with me I think I'm about to run out of time the cameras

31:59 about to run out of time the cameras

31:59 about to run out of time the cameras about to go dark so for the moment we've

32:01 about to go dark so for the moment we've

32:01 about to go dark so for the moment we've done our duty I've done a lot of duty

32:04 done our duty I've done a lot of duty

32:04 done our duty I've done a lot of duty I'm ready to go home Wow see to my

32:08 I'm ready to go home Wow see to my

32:09 I'm ready to go home Wow see to my friends because it's gone don't you jeez

32:23 friends because it's gone don't you jeez

32:23 friends because it's gone don't you jeez look tree order this one over here try

32:28 look tree order this one over here try

32:28 look tree order this one over here try to that gnarly guy smokes what

32:32 to that gnarly guy smokes what

32:32 to that gnarly guy smokes what Oh oh it is a good thing Halloween is

32:37 Oh oh it is a good thing Halloween is

32:37 Oh oh it is a good thing Halloween is over because this looks just like the

32:39 over because this looks just like the

32:39 over because this looks just like the sort of tree the Headless Horseman would

32:42 sort of tree the Headless Horseman would

32:42 sort of tree the Headless Horseman would pop out of you know Wow

A New Day - STV 11/17/2018

Transcript