2020 just got personal.... Fire, Wedding, Tarantulas.....

0:04 all right well this day

0:04 all right well this day took a very unexpected turn

0:10 took a very unexpected turn

0:10 took a very unexpected turn look at that dude

0:13 look at that dude

0:13 look at that dude what in the actual

0:21 world as if 2020 couldn't get any

0:21 world as if 2020 couldn't get any weirder

0:22 weirder

0:22 weirder or any worse we have now come out to

0:25 or any worse we have now come out to

0:25 or any worse we have now come out to banning

0:25 banning

0:25 banning slash cabezon cherry valley et cetera

0:28 slash cabezon cherry valley et cetera

0:28 slash cabezon cherry valley et cetera out here

0:29 out here

0:29 out here in the inland empire because this is

0:32 in the inland empire because this is

0:32 in the inland empire because this is raging

0:34 raging

0:34 raging just a little ways away from my aunt's

0:36 just a little ways away from my aunt's

0:36 just a little ways away from my aunt's house

0:37 house

0:37 house i believe they have a voluntary

0:38 i believe they have a voluntary

0:38 i believe they have a voluntary evacuation right now

0:41 evacuation right now

0:41 evacuation right now so we are coming to help out if we need

0:44 so we are coming to help out if we need

0:44 so we are coming to help out if we need to

0:45 to

0:45 to and at the moment we were scouting out

0:48 and at the moment we were scouting out

0:48 and at the moment we were scouting out exactly

0:48 exactly

0:48 exactly how close the hot spots are

0:53 how close the hot spots are

0:53 how close the hot spots are to her house because you know they're

0:55 to her house because you know they're

0:56 to her house because you know they're trying to get everything ready in case

0:57 trying to get everything ready in case

0:57 trying to get everything ready in case they have to leave so they

0:59 they have to leave so they

0:59 they have to leave so they can't really get out and get first-hand

1:00 can't really get out and get first-hand

1:00 can't really get out and get first-hand intelligence but man i just happen to

1:02 intelligence but man i just happen to

1:02 intelligence but man i just happen to have this camera with me with the super

1:04 have this camera with me with the super

1:04 have this camera with me with the super wide lens

1:05 wide lens

1:05 wide lens so that looks really far away but that

1:08 so that looks really far away but that

1:08 so that looks really far away but that is not far away

1:10 is not far away

1:10 is not far away and what you're looking at is the side

1:11 and what you're looking at is the side

1:11 and what you're looking at is the side of a mountain and just the little specks

1:14 of a mountain and just the little specks

1:14 of a mountain and just the little specks are like 100 foot columns of flame you

1:17 are like 100 foot columns of flame you

1:17 are like 100 foot columns of flame you can see just

1:18 can see just

1:18 can see just it must be trees just bursting into

1:19 it must be trees just bursting into

1:19 it must be trees just bursting into flame because it looks like little

1:20 flame because it looks like little

1:20 flame because it looks like little explosions and stuff

1:22 explosions and stuff

1:22 explosions and stuff and this plume of smoke you could see it

1:23 and this plume of smoke you could see it

1:24 and this plume of smoke you could see it all the way from orange county now

1:25 all the way from orange county now

1:25 all the way from orange county now luckily

1:26 luckily

1:26 luckily i mean not for anyone living over there

1:27 i mean not for anyone living over there

1:27 i mean not for anyone living over there but luckily for most people over in

1:29 but luckily for most people over in

1:29 but luckily for most people over in cherry valley and

1:31 cherry valley and

1:31 cherry valley and to the west where my antlers it seems

1:33 to the west where my antlers it seems

1:33 to the west where my antlers it seems like the wind for once is actually

1:35 like the wind for once is actually

1:35 like the wind for once is actually blowing east

1:37 blowing east

1:37 blowing east which is mostly emptier

1:40 which is mostly emptier

1:40 which is mostly emptier stuff less homes that way so that is the

1:45 stuff less homes that way so that is the

1:45 stuff less homes that way so that is the silver lining but still a lot of

1:48 silver lining but still a lot of

1:48 silver lining but still a lot of property

1:49 property

1:49 property damage going on a lot of craziness

1:53 damage going on a lot of craziness

1:53 damage going on a lot of craziness oh man this is weird too because we had

1:55 oh man this is weird too because we had

1:55 oh man this is weird too because we had just put down

1:56 just put down

1:56 just put down the cameras i was going to do a whole

1:58 the cameras i was going to do a whole

1:58 the cameras i was going to do a whole thing today and tell you guys where

2:00 thing today and tell you guys where

2:00 thing today and tell you guys where we've been what we've been up to and how

2:02 we've been what we've been up to and how

2:02 we've been what we've been up to and how 2020

2:04 2020

2:04 2020 just got personal that was a whole long

2:07 just got personal that was a whole long

2:07 just got personal that was a whole long thing but it didn't work out

2:08 thing but it didn't work out

2:08 thing but it didn't work out had to stop filming i was like oh man a

2:11 had to stop filming i was like oh man a

2:11 had to stop filming i was like oh man a lost day

2:12 lost day

2:12 lost day and as soon as we got home was like hey

2:14 and as soon as we got home was like hey

2:14 and as soon as we got home was like hey you guys might need to drive out

2:15 you guys might need to drive out

2:15 you guys might need to drive out somewhere and check some stuff out

2:16 somewhere and check some stuff out

2:16 somewhere and check some stuff out dude that little flame you see in the

2:19 dude that little flame you see in the

2:19 dude that little flame you see in the center of your screen there

2:20 center of your screen there

2:20 center of your screen there is no little flame like those are

2:22 is no little flame like those are

2:22 is no little flame like those are massive huge

2:25 massive huge

2:25 massive huge huge flames up on the side of that

2:27 huge flames up on the side of that

2:27 huge flames up on the side of that mountain

2:28 mountain

2:28 mountain and obviously on the other side of this

2:29 and obviously on the other side of this

2:29 and obviously on the other side of this hill there's a lower down closer to

2:31 hill there's a lower down closer to

2:32 hill there's a lower down closer to homes and property i mean you can see

2:34 homes and property i mean you can see

2:34 homes and property i mean you can see some of the

2:35 some of the

2:35 some of the edges of the civilization as it were

2:37 edges of the civilization as it were

2:37 edges of the civilization as it were right there

2:39 right there

2:39 right there that is wow luckily ali's got her fancy

2:42 that is wow luckily ali's got her fancy

2:42 that is wow luckily ali's got her fancy new iphone so it's taking some

2:44 new iphone so it's taking some

2:44 new iphone so it's taking some some pictures and in the pictures you

2:46 some pictures and in the pictures you

2:46 some pictures and in the pictures you can tell a lot a lot easier like just

2:48 can tell a lot a lot easier like just

2:48 can tell a lot a lot easier like just how

2:48 how

2:48 how nuts this is just based on where it is

2:51 nuts this is just based on where it is

2:51 nuts this is just based on where it is up in the canyons and stuff they're able

2:53 up in the canyons and stuff they're able

2:53 up in the canyons and stuff they're able to block off

2:53 to block off

2:54 to block off traffic so it's pretty much impossible

2:56 traffic so it's pretty much impossible

2:56 traffic so it's pretty much impossible as civilians to

2:57 as civilians to

2:57 as civilians to really get close to where it's the

3:00 really get close to where it's the

3:00 really get close to where it's the craziest

3:01 craziest

3:01 craziest looking but we wanted to get as close as

3:02 looking but we wanted to get as close as

3:02 looking but we wanted to get as close as we could to see okay how far is it

3:04 we could to see okay how far is it

3:04 we could to see okay how far is it from my aunt's house and stuff and so

3:06 from my aunt's house and stuff and so

3:06 from my aunt's house and stuff and so now we're about to head back that way

3:08 now we're about to head back that way

3:08 now we're about to head back that way and go

3:08 and go

3:08 and go report on the happenings dude this is

3:11 report on the happenings dude this is

3:11 report on the happenings dude this is another one of those

3:12 another one of those

3:12 another one of those many times where okay good i'm glad i

3:15 many times where okay good i'm glad i

3:15 many times where okay good i'm glad i had a camera at all but

3:17 had a camera at all but

3:17 had a camera at all but the camera the lenses or whatever i've

3:19 the camera the lenses or whatever i've

3:19 the camera the lenses or whatever i've got do not do

3:21 got do not do

3:21 got do not do this justice that is wild looking

3:25 this justice that is wild looking

3:25 this justice that is wild looking actually farther back down in town it

3:26 actually farther back down in town it

3:26 actually farther back down in town it looks crazier

3:28 looks crazier

3:28 looks crazier because when you're backed away from it

3:29 because when you're backed away from it

3:29 because when you're backed away from it you can see farther up some of these

3:30 you can see farther up some of these

3:30 you can see farther up some of these canyons

3:31 canyons

3:31 canyons just for those who live in southern

3:33 just for those who live in southern

3:33 just for those who live in southern california to give a little perspective

3:34 california to give a little perspective

3:34 california to give a little perspective we're sort of

3:36 we're sort of

3:36 we're sort of just at the very north end of banning

3:39 just at the very north end of banning

3:39 just at the very north end of banning and if you look down

3:40 and if you look down

3:40 and if you look down that way into that valley sorry about

3:42 that way into that valley sorry about

3:42 that way into that valley sorry about the focus it's so dark i could just see

3:43 the focus it's so dark i could just see

3:44 the focus it's so dark i could just see the

3:45 the

3:45 the the casino down there what is it morongo

3:47 the casino down there what is it morongo

3:47 the casino down there what is it morongo the one down in cabozone the peewee

3:48 the one down in cabozone the peewee

3:48 the one down in cabozone the peewee dinosaurs are down there what time is it

3:50 dinosaurs are down there what time is it

3:50 dinosaurs are down there what time is it right now almost midnight it's like 11

3:52 right now almost midnight it's like 11

3:52 right now almost midnight it's like 11 right around 11 o'clock so it is dark

3:55 right around 11 o'clock so it is dark

3:55 right around 11 o'clock so it is dark but over here

3:56 but over here

3:56 but over here especially to the naked eye the whole

3:58 especially to the naked eye the whole

3:58 especially to the naked eye the whole sky is lit up orange

4:01 sky is lit up orange

4:01 sky is lit up orange it is wild dude it's one of those times

4:03 it is wild dude it's one of those times

4:03 it is wild dude it's one of those times we're kind of trying to use our

4:05 we're kind of trying to use our

4:05 we're kind of trying to use our our inside voices okay so the good news

4:09 our inside voices okay so the good news

4:09 our inside voices okay so the good news at least in terms of our mission and

4:11 at least in terms of our mission and

4:11 at least in terms of our mission and reason for being here

4:13 reason for being here

4:13 reason for being here is that it is quite a distance away

4:16 is that it is quite a distance away

4:16 is that it is quite a distance away actually it turns out from my aunt's

4:18 actually it turns out from my aunt's

4:18 actually it turns out from my aunt's house

4:18 house from right next to her house just the

4:20 from right next to her house just the

4:20 from right next to her house just the weird

4:21 weird

4:22 weird angle the angle she has towards the

4:24 angle the angle she has towards the

4:24 angle the angle she has towards the mountains and towards the fire

4:26 mountains and towards the fire

4:26 mountains and towards the fire make it look right like yeah it looks

4:29 make it look right like yeah it looks

4:29 make it look right like yeah it looks like the whole sky is orange behind it

4:31 like the whole sky is orange behind it

4:31 like the whole sky is orange behind it and like the fire must be one block over

4:32 and like the fire must be one block over

4:32 and like the fire must be one block over and it's the end of the world but

4:34 and it's the end of the world but

4:34 and it's the end of the world but it took a good long while to actually

4:36 it took a good long while to actually

4:36 it took a good long while to actually get close to it from her house so it

4:38 get close to it from her house so it

4:38 get close to it from her house so it looks like

4:40 looks like

4:40 looks like they won't have to leave or evacuate or

4:43 they won't have to leave or evacuate or

4:43 they won't have to leave or evacuate or anything tonight so that's good see look

4:44 anything tonight so that's good see look

4:44 anything tonight so that's good see look though this is what i'm saying about it

4:46 though this is what i'm saying about it

4:46 though this is what i'm saying about it looking crazier

4:48 looking crazier

4:48 looking crazier from farther back in the town we were up

4:51 from farther back in the town we were up

4:52 from farther back in the town we were up right up against that dark hill in the

4:54 right up against that dark hill in the

4:54 right up against that dark hill in the foreground so a lot

4:56 foreground so a lot

4:56 foreground so a lot of the fire and the orange glowing crazy

4:58 of the fire and the orange glowing crazy

4:58 of the fire and the orange glowing crazy clouds were

4:59 clouds were

5:00 clouds were cut off actually the closer we got it is

5:02 cut off actually the closer we got it is

5:02 cut off actually the closer we got it is a massive fire as you can see

5:04 a massive fire as you can see

5:04 a massive fire as you can see i feel like this is just 20 20 20 20

5:08 i feel like this is just 20 20 20 20

5:08 i feel like this is just 20 20 20 20 in a picture just everything burning

5:11 in a picture just everything burning

5:11 in a picture just everything burning down

5:11 down

5:11 down this is just the visual

5:15 this is just the visual

5:15 this is just the visual symbol that perfectly goes along with

5:18 symbol that perfectly goes along with

5:18 symbol that perfectly goes along with the last couple of weeks for us first of

5:20 the last couple of weeks for us first of

5:20 the last couple of weeks for us first of all we had to redo all the accounting

5:21 all we had to redo all the accounting

5:21 all we had to redo all the accounting and taxes for

5:22 and taxes for

5:22 and taxes for 2019 that was crazy and then obviously

5:26 2019 that was crazy and then obviously

5:26 2019 that was crazy and then obviously just life in 2020 period for everyone

5:28 just life in 2020 period for everyone

5:28 just life in 2020 period for everyone the lockdowns the unlocking the

5:30 the lockdowns the unlocking the

5:30 the lockdowns the unlocking the re-locking the arguing the

5:33 re-locking the arguing the

5:33 re-locking the arguing the chaos everywhere the anger and all

5:36 chaos everywhere the anger and all

5:36 chaos everywhere the anger and all throughout it

5:37 throughout it

5:37 throughout it i've just kept the quest for positivity

5:39 i've just kept the quest for positivity

5:39 i've just kept the quest for positivity in mind

5:40 in mind

5:40 in mind can't control the circumstances right

5:42 can't control the circumstances right

5:42 can't control the circumstances right that's 20 20

5:43 that's 20 20

5:43 that's 20 20 in a nutshell you can't only control

5:45 in a nutshell you can't only control

5:45 in a nutshell you can't only control your reaction i'm trying to react

5:47 your reaction i'm trying to react

5:47 your reaction i'm trying to react positively

5:48 positively

5:48 positively keep cool and even though all the places

5:51 keep cool and even though all the places

5:51 keep cool and even though all the places it's normally my job to go and film are

5:53 it's normally my job to go and film are

5:53 it's normally my job to go and film are closed

5:54 closed

5:54 closed and then unlocking and then right when

5:55 and then unlocking and then right when

5:55 and then unlocking and then right when i'm about to go they close and even

5:56 i'm about to go they close and even

5:56 i'm about to go they close and even though we've been really crazy about

5:58 though we've been really crazy about

5:58 though we've been really crazy about being careful about the virus thing and

5:59 being careful about the virus thing and

5:59 being careful about the virus thing and i'm talking behind the scenes going way

6:01 i'm talking behind the scenes going way

6:01 i'm talking behind the scenes going way above and beyond anyone else we know

6:04 above and beyond anyone else we know

6:04 above and beyond anyone else we know that does a similar kind of job that we

6:05 that does a similar kind of job that we

6:06 that does a similar kind of job that we do any of our

6:07 do any of our

6:07 do any of our colleagues in case you haven't noticed

6:09 colleagues in case you haven't noticed

6:09 colleagues in case you haven't noticed we've been filming some stuff and then

6:10 we've been filming some stuff and then

6:10 we've been filming some stuff and then trying to spread it out as much as

6:12 trying to spread it out as much as

6:12 trying to spread it out as much as possible because we've been staying home

6:14 possible because we've been staying home

6:14 possible because we've been staying home for at least a week sometimes two weeks

6:17 for at least a week sometimes two weeks

6:17 for at least a week sometimes two weeks self quarantining just in case

6:18 self quarantining just in case

6:18 self quarantining just in case or waiting till you can get a covid test

6:20 or waiting till you can get a covid test

6:20 or waiting till you can get a covid test so you know you're cool before we've

6:21 so you know you're cool before we've

6:21 so you know you're cool before we've gone and done anything else that's

6:22 gone and done anything else that's

6:22 gone and done anything else that's really spaced out

6:24 really spaced out

6:24 really spaced out everything i've been reluctant to get

6:25 everything i've been reluctant to get

6:26 everything i've been reluctant to get out of planes just things have just been

6:27 out of planes just things have just been

6:27 out of planes just things have just been grinding to this weird like do you don't

6:29 grinding to this weird like do you don't

6:29 grinding to this weird like do you don't you

6:29 you

6:29 you of course i catch flack whether i'm

6:31 of course i catch flack whether i'm

6:31 of course i catch flack whether i'm staying home you're not doing anything

6:33 staying home you're not doing anything

6:33 staying home you're not doing anything or if i go out you're endangering

6:35 or if i go out you're endangering

6:35 or if i go out you're endangering everyone it's just been it's been a wild

6:37 everyone it's just been it's been a wild

6:37 everyone it's just been it's been a wild year for everybody right and

6:39 year for everybody right and

6:39 year for everybody right and so many people i've had it just so much

6:41 so many people i've had it just so much

6:41 so many people i've had it just so much worse in all kinds of ways everything

6:43 worse in all kinds of ways everything

6:43 worse in all kinds of ways everything from financial i mean we haven't had a

6:45 from financial i mean we haven't had a

6:45 from financial i mean we haven't had a really fun time this year financially

6:46 really fun time this year financially

6:46 really fun time this year financially it's been a little tough and so many

6:48 it's been a little tough and so many

6:48 it's been a little tough and so many people

6:49 people

6:49 people like the people in any way involved in

6:50 like the people in any way involved in

6:50 like the people in any way involved in this fire for example have had a much

6:52 this fire for example have had a much

6:52 this fire for example have had a much worse year than us so

6:54 worse year than us so

6:54 worse year than us so i always feel like ah you know i

6:55 i always feel like ah you know i

6:55 i always feel like ah you know i shouldn't complain i shouldn't get down

6:57 shouldn't complain i shouldn't get down

6:57 shouldn't complain i shouldn't get down don't let yourself get depressed you

6:59 don't let yourself get depressed you

6:59 don't let yourself get depressed you know could be worse try and

7:01 know could be worse try and

7:01 know could be worse try and stay positive think of all the things

7:02 stay positive think of all the things

7:02 stay positive think of all the things you're grateful for but i'm not gonna

7:04 you're grateful for but i'm not gonna

7:04 you're grateful for but i'm not gonna lie

7:04 lie

7:04 lie although this really helps put things in

7:06 although this really helps put things in

7:06 although this really helps put things in perspective here so it helps a little

7:08 perspective here so it helps a little

7:08 perspective here so it helps a little it's been tough this week because

7:10 it's been tough this week because

7:10 it's been tough this week because 2020 for us just got personal and we

7:13 2020 for us just got personal and we

7:13 2020 for us just got personal and we sort of

7:14 sort of

7:14 sort of been unwinding it's been a little

7:16 been unwinding it's been a little

7:16 been unwinding it's been a little difficult the door to depression was

7:18 difficult the door to depression was

7:18 difficult the door to depression was kicked wide open in the last week or so

7:20 kicked wide open in the last week or so

7:20 kicked wide open in the last week or so let me

7:21 let me

7:21 let me tell you that's why i've been sort of

7:22 tell you that's why i've been sort of

7:22 tell you that's why i've been sort of off the radar but like i just said this

7:25 off the radar but like i just said this

7:25 off the radar but like i just said this kind of puts it in perspective right

7:27 kind of puts it in perspective right

7:27 kind of puts it in perspective right yikes things are crazy so i'm gonna go

7:31 yikes things are crazy so i'm gonna go

7:31 yikes things are crazy so i'm gonna go back to my aunt's house really quick

7:32 back to my aunt's house really quick

7:32 back to my aunt's house really quick actually speaking of so we can relieve

7:33 actually speaking of so we can relieve

7:33 actually speaking of so we can relieve some of her worry and then we'll then

7:35 some of her worry and then we'll then

7:35 some of her worry and then we'll then we'll talk some more

7:35 we'll talk some more

7:36 we'll talk some more gee see yeah you're still kind of

7:38 gee see yeah you're still kind of

7:38 gee see yeah you're still kind of relatively new to southern california

7:40 relatively new to southern california

7:40 relatively new to southern california i've seen a lot worse fires so in

7:42 i've seen a lot worse fires so in

7:42 i've seen a lot worse fires so in perspective and in

7:43 perspective and in

7:43 perspective and in much closer proximity to a lot more you

7:46 much closer proximity to a lot more you

7:46 much closer proximity to a lot more you know

7:46 know

7:46 know densely packed areas but no fire is good

7:49 densely packed areas but no fire is good

7:49 densely packed areas but no fire is good especially if it gets near

7:51 especially if it gets near

7:51 especially if it gets near anybody's home you never want that you

7:53 anybody's home you never want that you

7:53 anybody's home you never want that you know and each fire can turn

7:54 know and each fire can turn

7:54 know and each fire can turn into absolute insanity but at least now

7:57 into absolute insanity but at least now

7:58 into absolute insanity but at least now i know where the fire is so we can go

8:00 i know where the fire is so we can go

8:00 i know where the fire is so we can go and

8:01 and

8:01 and leave uh my gathered family down here

8:03 leave uh my gathered family down here

8:03 leave uh my gathered family down here relieve some

8:04 relieve some

8:04 relieve some some minds like i think you'll be able

8:06 some minds like i think you'll be able

8:06 some minds like i think you'll be able to go to bed you know

8:09 to go to bed you know

8:09 to go to bed you know somebody wants to stay awake that's fine

8:10 somebody wants to stay awake that's fine

8:10 somebody wants to stay awake that's fine but i think i think they'll be okay

8:12 but i think i think they'll be okay

8:12 but i think i think they'll be okay earlier when we ran out of sunlight with

8:13 earlier when we ran out of sunlight with

8:14 earlier when we ran out of sunlight with the other camera

8:15 the other camera

8:15 the other camera and uh made a failure of uh trying to do

8:18 and uh made a failure of uh trying to do

8:18 and uh made a failure of uh trying to do a little

8:19 a little

8:19 a little video update i was thinking well

8:23 video update i was thinking well

8:23 video update i was thinking well there's always tomorrow i was not

8:24 there's always tomorrow i was not

8:24 there's always tomorrow i was not expecting to be driving through banning

8:26 expecting to be driving through banning

8:26 expecting to be driving through banning wait a minute

8:26 wait a minute

8:26 wait a minute do we have the mast in here still yeah

8:29 do we have the mast in here still yeah

8:29 do we have the mast in here still yeah we do okay

8:30 we do okay

8:30 we do okay just making sure put the mast on over

8:33 just making sure put the mast on over

8:33 just making sure put the mast on over there you know

8:34 there you know

8:34 there you know it'd be easy to forget yeah see for some

8:36 it'd be easy to forget yeah see for some

8:36 it'd be easy to forget yeah see for some reason the farther away from it you get

8:38 reason the farther away from it you get

8:38 reason the farther away from it you get sometimes the closer it looks it's so

8:41 sometimes the closer it looks it's so

8:41 sometimes the closer it looks it's so weird

8:42 weird as you can see all access points to

8:45 as you can see all access points to

8:45 as you can see all access points to roads going up towards it are closed off

8:47 roads going up towards it are closed off

8:47 roads going up towards it are closed off between you and me i'm still a little

8:48 between you and me i'm still a little

8:48 between you and me i'm still a little bit nervous about that because if the

8:50 bit nervous about that because if the

8:50 bit nervous about that because if the wind

8:51 wind

8:51 wind switches and goes the other way then

8:53 switches and goes the other way then

8:53 switches and goes the other way then that could throw stuff

8:54 that could throw stuff

8:54 that could throw stuff all down towards her house but for the

8:57 all down towards her house but for the

8:57 all down towards her house but for the moment

8:58 moment

8:58 moment if the weather holds should be okay

9:01 if the weather holds should be okay

9:01 if the weather holds should be okay which

9:01 which

9:01 which is exactly what i'm about to go report

9:05 is exactly what i'm about to go report

9:05 is exactly what i'm about to go report to the fam yeah from here it like it

9:07 to the fam yeah from here it like it

9:07 to the fam yeah from here it like it looks

9:08 looks

9:08 looks way closer than it actually is yeah it

9:10 way closer than it actually is yeah it

9:10 way closer than it actually is yeah it took a while to get back over

9:13 took a while to get back over

9:13 took a while to get back over by her house but i can see where if

9:15 by her house but i can see where if

9:15 by her house but i can see where if they're just standing on their lawn

9:16 they're just standing on their lawn

9:16 they're just standing on their lawn looking at that

9:17 looking at that

9:17 looking at that they're going oh my gosh the five of

9:20 they're going oh my gosh the five of

9:20 they're going oh my gosh the five of them is coming for us how did you learn

9:22 them is coming for us how did you learn

9:22 them is coming for us how did you learn our language

9:23 our language

9:23 our language i listened every time

9:27 i listened every time

9:27 i listened every time every time there's a fire in the hills

9:29 every time there's a fire in the hills

9:29 every time there's a fire in the hills or it gets really foggy that's all i

9:31 or it gets really foggy that's all i

9:31 or it gets really foggy that's all i think of

9:32 think of

9:32 think of it looks way less crazy than it did

9:33 it looks way less crazy than it did

9:33 it looks way less crazy than it did before yeah

9:35 before yeah

9:35 before yeah well look you can't even smell it

9:36 well look you can't even smell it

9:36 well look you can't even smell it anymore so the wind is really blowing it

9:38 anymore so the wind is really blowing it

9:38 anymore so the wind is really blowing it out

9:39 out

9:39 out towards the desert all right let me just

9:41 towards the desert all right let me just

9:41 towards the desert all right let me just tell the fan what's up

9:43 tell the fan what's up

9:43 tell the fan what's up we will be right

9:47 we will be right

9:47 we will be right back after these messages

9:54 oh yeah look at that it's a couple hours

9:54 oh yeah look at that it's a couple hours later now it's after one in the morning

9:56 later now it's after one in the morning

9:56 later now it's after one in the morning look at that this is from my aunt's

9:57 look at that this is from my aunt's

9:57 look at that this is from my aunt's house this is at least 20 minutes away

10:02 house this is at least 20 minutes away

10:02 house this is at least 20 minutes away the whole mountains going

10:11 of that blaze dude that is an unfun one

10:11 of that blaze dude that is an unfun one and all you can see from here

10:14 and all you can see from here

10:14 and all you can see from here is glowing and smoking fire and it looks

10:17 is glowing and smoking fire and it looks

10:17 is glowing and smoking fire and it looks like it's going to come

10:18 like it's going to come

10:18 like it's going to come straight into the neighborhood

10:19 straight into the neighborhood

10:19 straight into the neighborhood apparently it's only burned one

10:22 apparently it's only burned one

10:22 apparently it's only burned one house though so far so that's good

10:24 house though so far so that's good

10:24 house though so far so that's good hopefully

10:25 hopefully

10:25 hopefully it's big fire but hopefully you know it

10:28 it's big fire but hopefully you know it

10:28 it's big fire but hopefully you know it doesn't destroy

10:29 doesn't destroy

10:29 doesn't destroy lives not burning up tonight yeah not

10:31 lives not burning up tonight yeah not

10:31 lives not burning up tonight yeah not tonight

10:32 tonight

10:32 tonight maybe a different night and hopefully

10:34 maybe a different night and hopefully

10:34 maybe a different night and hopefully just burning up with party fever and

10:36 just burning up with party fever and

10:36 just burning up with party fever and nothing else

10:36 nothing else

10:36 nothing else all right we've done our detail and now

10:39 all right we've done our detail and now

10:39 all right we've done our detail and now my auntina can

10:41 my auntina can

10:41 my auntina can go home and sleep well it is gnarly

10:45 go home and sleep well it is gnarly

10:45 go home and sleep well it is gnarly because we're like

10:47 because we're like

10:47 because we're like i don't know a ways away like i was

10:49 i don't know a ways away like i was

10:49 i don't know a ways away like i was saying but

10:50 saying but

10:50 saying but from the perspective just the weird way

10:52 from the perspective just the weird way

10:52 from the perspective just the weird way the hills line up at night

10:54 the hills line up at night

10:54 the hills line up at night it really does look like the fire is

10:56 it really does look like the fire is

10:56 it really does look like the fire is like right in her neighborhood

10:59 like right in her neighborhood

10:59 like right in her neighborhood well at least now my mom will know her

11:01 well at least now my mom will know her

11:01 well at least now my mom will know her sister is safe for one more night

11:03 sister is safe for one more night

11:03 sister is safe for one more night well it did make me feel a lot better to

11:05 well it did make me feel a lot better to

11:05 well it did make me feel a lot better to find out that only one person's house

11:08 find out that only one person's house

11:08 find out that only one person's house burned down and that they got out and

11:10 burned down and that they got out and

11:10 burned down and that they got out and they were okay

11:11 they were okay

11:12 they were okay apparently they lost their cat their

11:13 apparently they lost their cat their

11:13 apparently they lost their cat their cats running around somewhere so

11:15 cats running around somewhere so

11:15 cats running around somewhere so hopefully somebody finds that but

11:17 hopefully somebody finds that but

11:17 hopefully somebody finds that but hopefully it won't get anybody else's

11:19 hopefully it won't get anybody else's

11:19 hopefully it won't get anybody else's house it's pretty gnarly but it's

11:20 house it's pretty gnarly but it's

11:20 house it's pretty gnarly but it's burning towards

11:22 burning towards

11:22 burning towards sort of the no man's land area so

11:24 sort of the no man's land area so

11:24 sort of the no man's land area so hopefully

11:26 hopefully hopefully it won't be too bad had so

11:28 hopefully it won't be too bad had so

11:28 hopefully it won't be too bad had so many other things

11:30 many other things

11:30 many other things i wanted to say and talk to you guys

11:32 i wanted to say and talk to you guys

11:32 i wanted to say and talk to you guys about at the first attempt at filming

11:34 about at the first attempt at filming

11:34 about at the first attempt at filming something today and then

11:35 something today and then

11:35 something today and then the fire knocked out of my brain and

11:37 the fire knocked out of my brain and

11:38 the fire knocked out of my brain and were talking to my aunt for a while and

11:39 were talking to my aunt for a while and

11:39 were talking to my aunt for a while and now i'm

11:40 now i'm

11:40 now i'm so tired are you tired ali yeah

11:43 so tired are you tired ali yeah

11:43 so tired are you tired ali yeah yes so i think right now we'll just

11:45 yes so i think right now we'll just

11:45 yes so i think right now we'll just concentrate on

11:47 concentrate on

11:47 concentrate on heading back to orange county and doing

11:50 heading back to orange county and doing

11:50 heading back to orange county and doing the whole go home and

11:52 the whole go home and

11:52 the whole go home and sleep well part oh my gosh

11:55 sleep well part oh my gosh

11:55 sleep well part oh my gosh we slept forever now it's the afternoon

11:58 we slept forever now it's the afternoon

11:58 we slept forever now it's the afternoon look at this mess

11:59 look at this mess

11:59 look at this mess look at all this crazy stuff all the

12:01 look at all this crazy stuff all the

12:01 look at all this crazy stuff all the crazy merchandise then

12:03 crazy merchandise then

12:04 crazy merchandise then ally's making mess for etsy

12:07 ally's making mess for etsy

12:07 ally's making mess for etsy tell you one thing i do not like

12:11 tell you one thing i do not like

12:11 tell you one thing i do not like i do not like waking up in the afternoon

12:14 i do not like waking up in the afternoon

12:14 i do not like waking up in the afternoon that's one of the weirdest things about

12:15 that's one of the weirdest things about

12:15 that's one of the weirdest things about this whole year

12:17 this whole year

12:17 this whole year or the pandemic the whole weird being at

12:19 or the pandemic the whole weird being at

12:20 or the pandemic the whole weird being at home thing and everyone's sleep schedule

12:22 home thing and everyone's sleep schedule

12:22 home thing and everyone's sleep schedule is all disrupted i don't think we got

12:23 is all disrupted i don't think we got

12:23 is all disrupted i don't think we got home until three or four in the morning

12:24 home until three or four in the morning

12:24 home until three or four in the morning and then we were talking

12:26 and then we were talking

12:26 and then we were talking so we're cuz i grew up in a band and

12:27 so we're cuz i grew up in a band and

12:27 so we're cuz i grew up in a band and touring and being up until three four in

12:29 touring and being up until three four in

12:29 touring and being up until three four in the morning and driving

12:31 the morning and driving

12:31 the morning and driving until the sun comes up and catching a

12:33 until the sun comes up and catching a

12:33 until the sun comes up and catching a few hours of sleep and i always

12:35 few hours of sleep and i always

12:35 few hours of sleep and i always became like a night person i thought it

12:37 became like a night person i thought it

12:37 became like a night person i thought it was a night person then i've noticed the

12:38 was a night person then i've noticed the

12:38 was a night person then i've noticed the last couple years something switched in

12:40 last couple years something switched in

12:40 last couple years something switched in me where like if i'm up early or even

12:42 me where like if i'm up early or even

12:42 me where like if i'm up early or even early ish i get a lot more done i got a

12:45 early ish i get a lot more done i got a

12:45 early ish i get a lot more done i got a lot more energy

12:46 lot more energy

12:46 lot more energy so now whenever i live like night person

12:48 so now whenever i live like night person

12:48 so now whenever i live like night person hours i'm like

12:49 hours i'm like

12:49 hours i'm like crushed and destroyed all day oh i hear

12:51 crushed and destroyed all day oh i hear

12:51 crushed and destroyed all day oh i hear the ice cream truck out on the street

12:57 is that the ice cream truck or the food

12:57 is that the ice cream truck or the food truck i don't know i can't i don't think

12:59 truck i don't know i can't i don't think

12:59 truck i don't know i can't i don't think i've heard that song before

13:01 i've heard that song before

13:01 i've heard that song before anyway no matter how many hours of sleep

13:03 anyway no matter how many hours of sleep

13:03 anyway no matter how many hours of sleep there are now i feel like if i wake up

13:05 there are now i feel like if i wake up

13:05 there are now i feel like if i wake up and i see the clock and it's after

13:07 and i see the clock and it's after

13:07 and i see the clock and it's after noon much less if it's afternoon

13:10 noon much less if it's afternoon

13:10 noon much less if it's afternoon i'm like ah i can't do anything then i'm

13:13 i'm like ah i can't do anything then i'm

13:13 i'm like ah i can't do anything then i'm the type of person that i know like if i

13:15 the type of person that i know like if i

13:15 the type of person that i know like if i go to bed

13:16 go to bed

13:16 go to bed and i haven't done anything in the day

13:19 and i haven't done anything in the day

13:19 and i haven't done anything in the day i'll go

13:21 i'll go

13:21 i'll go cuckoo that's part of the list of 20 20

13:23 cuckoo that's part of the list of 20 20

13:24 cuckoo that's part of the list of 20 20 that we all have right we've all

13:25 that we all have right we've all

13:25 that we all have right we've all got the

13:26 got the

13:26 got the thing especially any of us have been

13:29 thing especially any of us have been

13:29 thing especially any of us have been locked down

13:30 locked down

13:30 locked down and and doing the quarantines and stuff

13:32 and and doing the quarantines and stuff

13:32 and and doing the quarantines and stuff you know how it is it's like frustrating

13:34 you know how it is it's like frustrating

13:34 you know how it is it's like frustrating to

13:34 to try to find things to do when you plan

13:36 try to find things to do when you plan

13:36 try to find things to do when you plan things and all sudden things re-lock

13:38 things and all sudden things re-lock

13:38 things and all sudden things re-lock down or they open up you make new plans

13:39 down or they open up you make new plans

13:40 down or they open up you make new plans and they lock back down that's tough for

13:41 and they lock back down that's tough for

13:41 and they lock back down that's tough for me

13:41 me

13:41 me a travel filmmaker person and you make

13:44 a travel filmmaker person and you make

13:44 a travel filmmaker person and you make the plans and you can't go and then

13:46 the plans and you can't go and then

13:46 the plans and you can't go and then i don't know if i've mentioned yet but

13:47 i don't know if i've mentioned yet but

13:47 i don't know if i've mentioned yet but like we're trying to take it really

13:49 like we're trying to take it really

13:49 like we're trying to take it really strict so what you haven't noticed

13:51 strict so what you haven't noticed

13:51 strict so what you haven't noticed behind the scenes is we'll go out and

13:53 behind the scenes is we'll go out and

13:53 behind the scenes is we'll go out and film

13:53 film

13:53 film stuff for a few days and then we would

13:56 stuff for a few days and then we would

13:56 stuff for a few days and then we would lock back down for a week or two weeks

13:58 lock back down for a week or two weeks

13:58 lock back down for a week or two weeks you know if you can't get a test you

14:00 you know if you can't get a test you

14:00 you know if you can't get a test you know then you can

14:01 know then you can

14:01 know then you can lock down make sure no symptoms all that

14:03 lock down make sure no symptoms all that

14:03 lock down make sure no symptoms all that stuff to be extra you know

14:05 stuff to be extra you know

14:05 stuff to be extra you know cautious extra safe got a lot of other

14:06 cautious extra safe got a lot of other

14:06 cautious extra safe got a lot of other friends out there just filming

14:08 friends out there just filming

14:08 friends out there just filming willy-nilly just rocking it but i don't

14:09 willy-nilly just rocking it but i don't

14:10 willy-nilly just rocking it but i don't know

14:10 know allie and i have always tried to be

14:11 allie and i have always tried to be

14:12 allie and i have always tried to be really careful about all this stuff and

14:13 really careful about all this stuff and

14:13 really careful about all this stuff and then of course i've got my kid every

14:14 then of course i've got my kid every

14:14 then of course i've got my kid every other week so i've been trying to like

14:16 other week so i've been trying to like

14:16 other week so i've been trying to like let him have some kind of summer and do

14:19 let him have some kind of summer and do

14:19 let him have some kind of summer and do stuff with him and spend

14:20 stuff with him and spend

14:20 stuff with him and spend quality time with him since he can't go

14:21 quality time with him since he can't go

14:22 quality time with him since he can't go to camp you know he can't hang out with

14:23 to camp you know he can't hang out with

14:23 to camp you know he can't hang out with all his friends

14:24 all his friends

14:24 all his friends and of course like everybody else you

14:26 and of course like everybody else you

14:26 and of course like everybody else you know it's been

14:27 know it's been

14:27 know it's been super tough to make ends meet just keep

14:29 super tough to make ends meet just keep

14:29 super tough to make ends meet just keep the roof overhead all right stay in

14:31 the roof overhead all right stay in

14:31 the roof overhead all right stay in there i've been hugging my mom and dad

14:33 there i've been hugging my mom and dad

14:33 there i've been hugging my mom and dad in six months you know like

14:34 in six months you know like

14:34 in six months you know like all the usual the normal sort of stuff

14:37 all the usual the normal sort of stuff

14:37 all the usual the normal sort of stuff everyone's going through it all through

14:38 everyone's going through it all through

14:38 everyone's going through it all through it i've been like determined like to

14:40 it i've been like determined like to

14:40 it i've been like determined like to stay positive all right can't control

14:42 stay positive all right can't control

14:42 stay positive all right can't control the circumstances can only control the

14:44 the circumstances can only control the

14:44 the circumstances can only control the reaction right super quest for

14:45 reaction right super quest for

14:45 reaction right super quest for positivity

14:46 positivity

14:46 positivity even when people are getting crazy on us

14:48 even when people are getting crazy on us

14:48 even when people are getting crazy on us which they do by the way if we

14:50 which they do by the way if we

14:50 which they do by the way if we if we don't film enough you're like what

14:51 if we don't film enough you're like what

14:51 if we don't film enough you're like what are you doing if we do go out and film

14:53 are you doing if we do go out and film

14:53 are you doing if we do go out and film anything even though we're mass we take

14:55 anything even though we're mass we take

14:55 anything even though we're mass we take time between to make sure no sickness or

14:57 time between to make sure no sickness or

14:57 time between to make sure no sickness or anything there's always a

14:58 anything there's always a

14:58 anything there's always a certain small number of people who are

15:00 certain small number of people who are

15:00 certain small number of people who are like you're killing everybody

15:02 like you're killing everybody

15:02 like you're killing everybody and then we have one of the worst

15:05 and then we have one of the worst

15:05 and then we have one of the worst neighbors i've ever had upstairs i gave

15:07 neighbors i've ever had upstairs i gave

15:07 neighbors i've ever had upstairs i gave the full saga in the

15:08 the full saga in the

15:08 the full saga in the patreon podcast but not only have we

15:10 patreon podcast but not only have we

15:10 patreon podcast but not only have we really outgrown the space

15:11 really outgrown the space

15:12 really outgrown the space there's stuff everywhere there's usually

15:13 there's stuff everywhere there's usually

15:13 there's stuff everywhere there's usually like a 24-hour

15:15 like a 24-hour

15:15 like a 24-hour party upstairs banging there's a dog

15:17 party upstairs banging there's a dog

15:18 party upstairs banging there's a dog barking they're gone right now so it's

15:19 barking they're gone right now so it's

15:19 barking they're gone right now so it's like oh

15:20 like oh

15:20 like oh peace this is our vacation for two hours

15:22 peace this is our vacation for two hours

15:22 peace this is our vacation for two hours and you can't move you're locked into a

15:24 and you can't move you're locked into a

15:24 and you can't move you're locked into a lease and

15:24 lease and

15:24 lease and you know you just try to make ends meet

15:26 you know you just try to make ends meet

15:26 you know you just try to make ends meet it's just crazy town through it all

15:28 it's just crazy town through it all

15:28 it's just crazy town through it all though i've managed to hold on

15:29 though i've managed to hold on

15:29 though i've managed to hold on when it gets depressing managed to hold

15:31 when it gets depressing managed to hold

15:31 when it gets depressing managed to hold on when it gets

15:33 on when it gets

15:33 on when it gets anxiety inducing out there with the

15:35 anxiety inducing out there with the

15:35 anxiety inducing out there with the whole world arguing

15:36 whole world arguing

15:36 whole world arguing we lost control there for a little bit

15:38 we lost control there for a little bit

15:38 we lost control there for a little bit because like i mentioned last night 2020

15:41 because like i mentioned last night 2020

15:41 because like i mentioned last night 2020 got personal however i cannot talk about

15:43 got personal however i cannot talk about

15:43 got personal however i cannot talk about that in here i i gotta get out so we're

15:45 that in here i i gotta get out so we're

15:45 that in here i i gotta get out so we're gonna

15:45 gonna

15:45 gonna finish up ally's etsy work kick off the

15:48 finish up ally's etsy work kick off the

15:48 finish up ally's etsy work kick off the house shoes and get outside

15:50 house shoes and get outside

15:50 house shoes and get outside oh there we go see that feels a little

15:52 oh there we go see that feels a little

15:52 oh there we go see that feels a little bit better little more

15:54 bit better little more

15:54 bit better little more breathing space out here you might think

15:57 breathing space out here you might think

15:57 breathing space out here you might think it's kind of crappy

15:58 it's kind of crappy

15:58 it's kind of crappy but it isn't yeah i've struggled with

16:00 but it isn't yeah i've struggled with

16:00 but it isn't yeah i've struggled with anxiety depression

16:02 anxiety depression

16:02 anxiety depression post-traumatic stress things of that

16:04 post-traumatic stress things of that

16:04 post-traumatic stress things of that nature pretty much my entire life ever

16:06 nature pretty much my entire life ever

16:06 nature pretty much my entire life ever since

16:07 since

16:07 since um junior high or so panic attacks all

16:10 um junior high or so panic attacks all

16:10 um junior high or so panic attacks all those things

16:12 those things

16:12 those things and what i've noticed for me in my life

16:14 and what i've noticed for me in my life

16:14 and what i've noticed for me in my life that the best way for me to fight back

16:16 that the best way for me to fight back

16:16 that the best way for me to fight back effectively

16:17 effectively

16:17 effectively against it is just perpetual motion

16:19 against it is just perpetual motion

16:19 against it is just perpetual motion constant action

16:21 constant action

16:21 constant action stay busy stay on the move do what i can

16:23 stay busy stay on the move do what i can

16:23 stay busy stay on the move do what i can to make other people happy

16:25 to make other people happy

16:25 to make other people happy you know learning eventually to not

16:28 you know learning eventually to not

16:28 you know learning eventually to not sacrifice my own happiness in the

16:29 sacrifice my own happiness in the

16:29 sacrifice my own happiness in the bargain but mainly

16:30 bargain but mainly

16:30 bargain but mainly the perpetual motion thing staying busy

16:32 the perpetual motion thing staying busy

16:32 the perpetual motion thing staying busy always having something to work on to

16:34 always having something to work on to

16:34 always having something to work on to put my energy

16:34 put my energy

16:34 put my energy into instead of using that energy you

16:37 into instead of using that energy you

16:37 into instead of using that energy you know to beat up on myself mentally as it

16:39 know to beat up on myself mentally as it

16:39 know to beat up on myself mentally as it were it was a surprise in my life when i

16:41 were it was a surprise in my life when i

16:41 were it was a surprise in my life when i got old enough to figure out like

16:42 got old enough to figure out like

16:42 got old enough to figure out like wow i'm really a live to work person not

16:45 wow i'm really a live to work person not

16:45 wow i'm really a live to work person not a work to live

16:46 a work to live

16:46 a work to live person you know what i mean and so 2020

16:48 person you know what i mean and so 2020

16:48 person you know what i mean and so 2020 the lockdowns the pandemic all that kind

16:50 the lockdowns the pandemic all that kind

16:50 the lockdowns the pandemic all that kind of stuff

16:52 of stuff

16:52 of stuff just the quarantines and staying put and

16:54 just the quarantines and staying put and

16:54 just the quarantines and staying put and changing plans that's tough for me

16:55 changing plans that's tough for me

16:55 changing plans that's tough for me because i like to stay on the move stay

16:58 because i like to stay on the move stay

16:58 because i like to stay on the move stay busy and even though that was

16:59 busy and even though that was

16:59 busy and even though that was impossible for at least a giant chunk of

17:02 impossible for at least a giant chunk of

17:02 impossible for at least a giant chunk of 2020 especially

17:03 2020 especially

17:04 2020 especially lately you know it's been even harder to

17:05 lately you know it's been even harder to

17:05 lately you know it's been even harder to make plans than it was in the beginning

17:07 make plans than it was in the beginning

17:07 make plans than it was in the beginning i think the thing that kept me

17:09 i think the thing that kept me

17:09 i think the thing that kept me okay that kept me sane and focused

17:12 okay that kept me sane and focused

17:12 okay that kept me sane and focused even during the most stressful part of

17:14 even during the most stressful part of

17:14 even during the most stressful part of this so far for myself

17:16 this so far for myself

17:16 this so far for myself everything here in the beginning of the

17:18 everything here in the beginning of the

17:18 everything here in the beginning of the year might be in flux might be crazy and

17:19 year might be in flux might be crazy and

17:19 year might be in flux might be crazy and okay the middle of the year might be

17:20 okay the middle of the year might be

17:20 okay the middle of the year might be getting crazy but over here towards the

17:22 getting crazy but over here towards the

17:22 getting crazy but over here towards the end

17:23 end

17:23 end towards the end i had a plan a

17:26 towards the end i had a plan a

17:26 towards the end i had a plan a solid plan and now that plan has been so

17:32 solid plan and now that plan has been so

17:32 solid plan and now that plan has been so vaporized the thing that's kind of been

17:34 vaporized the thing that's kind of been

17:34 vaporized the thing that's kind of been holding us together

17:35 holding us together

17:35 holding us together is that we knew towards the end of the

17:37 is that we knew towards the end of the

17:37 is that we knew towards the end of the year in october

17:38 year in october

17:38 year in october in fact we were getting married

17:42 in fact we were getting married

17:42 in fact we were getting married october 10th 2020 10 10 20 20.

17:45 october 10th 2020 10 10 20 20.

17:45 october 10th 2020 10 10 20 20. this seems so perfect flattening the

17:47 this seems so perfect flattening the

17:47 this seems so perfect flattening the curve for a couple of weeks in march or

17:49 curve for a couple of weeks in march or

17:49 curve for a couple of weeks in march or the extended 30 days in april to may

17:51 the extended 30 days in april to may

17:51 the extended 30 days in april to may that wasn't gonna affect us right

17:53 that wasn't gonna affect us right

17:53 that wasn't gonna affect us right and even though traveling and working is

17:54 and even though traveling and working is

17:54 and even though traveling and working is still all kind of heim bucked and messed

17:56 still all kind of heim bucked and messed

17:56 still all kind of heim bucked and messed up you know a lot of things have been

17:58 up you know a lot of things have been

17:58 up you know a lot of things have been unlocking and even though we knew our

18:00 unlocking and even though we knew our

18:00 unlocking and even though we knew our already small wedding would probably end

18:02 already small wedding would probably end

18:02 already small wedding would probably end up being a little smaller since

18:04 up being a little smaller since

18:04 up being a little smaller since doubtless many of the guests wouldn't be

18:05 doubtless many of the guests wouldn't be

18:05 doubtless many of the guests wouldn't be able to make it or would have to cancel

18:07 able to make it or would have to cancel

18:07 able to make it or would have to cancel or would be too nervous because the

18:08 or would be too nervous because the

18:08 or would be too nervous because the virus

18:09 virus

18:09 virus we're pretty confident things were going

18:10 we're pretty confident things were going

18:10 we're pretty confident things were going to be all right you know what i mean our

18:11 to be all right you know what i mean our

18:12 to be all right you know what i mean our guest list was already only 50 people so

18:13 guest list was already only 50 people so

18:13 guest list was already only 50 people so even if half the people didn't show

18:15 even if half the people didn't show

18:15 even if half the people didn't show we could still manage to do something

18:16 we could still manage to do something

18:16 we could still manage to do something film it get all the photos and

18:18 film it get all the photos and

18:18 film it get all the photos and at least share it virtually with some of

18:21 at least share it virtually with some of

18:21 at least share it virtually with some of the people who should have been there in

18:22 the people who should have been there in

18:22 the people who should have been there in person but alas my friends i have to

18:24 person but alas my friends i have to

18:24 person but alas my friends i have to tell you

18:25 tell you

18:25 tell you and this is why ally's here because she

18:27 and this is why ally's here because she

18:27 and this is why ally's here because she still can't talk about this right now

18:29 still can't talk about this right now

18:29 still can't talk about this right now without

18:30 without

18:30 without tearing up and choking up and so she

18:32 tearing up and choking up and so she

18:32 tearing up and choking up and so she didn't want to be on camera the city

18:34 didn't want to be on camera the city

18:34 didn't want to be on camera the city in which we were supposed to have this

18:36 in which we were supposed to have this

18:36 in which we were supposed to have this wedding

18:37 wedding

18:37 wedding has decided to extend their no

18:40 has decided to extend their no

18:40 has decided to extend their no gatherings of more than 10

18:41 gatherings of more than 10

18:42 gatherings of more than 10 people thing right on in to october

18:45 people thing right on in to october

18:45 people thing right on in to october beyond our wedding through halloween the

18:47 beyond our wedding through halloween the

18:47 beyond our wedding through halloween the whole deal now the place where we're

18:49 whole deal now the place where we're

18:49 whole deal now the place where we're having this wedding

18:50 having this wedding

18:50 having this wedding it's an amazing option two people live

18:52 it's an amazing option two people live

18:52 it's an amazing option two people live there so it was like hey if you guys

18:54 there so it was like hey if you guys

18:54 there so it was like hey if you guys still want to do it we can do it but the

18:56 still want to do it we can do it but the

18:56 still want to do it we can do it but the neighbors will 100

18:57 neighbors will 100

18:57 neighbors will 100 ratted out so it has to be 10 people

18:59 ratted out so it has to be 10 people

18:59 ratted out so it has to be 10 people well there's two already living there

19:01 well there's two already living there

19:01 well there's two already living there and uh we had a very special uh guest

19:04 and uh we had a very special uh guest

19:04 and uh we had a very special uh guest a sort of celebrity guest if you i don't

19:06 a sort of celebrity guest if you i don't

19:06 a sort of celebrity guest if you i don't want to say who and then it not end up

19:08 want to say who and then it not end up

19:08 want to say who and then it not end up happening later but

19:09 happening later but

19:09 happening later but who was going to come and actually do

19:10 who was going to come and actually do

19:10 who was going to come and actually do the ceremony for us which is very

19:11 the ceremony for us which is very

19:12 the ceremony for us which is very exciting

19:12 exciting

19:12 exciting and that person came with another person

19:13 and that person came with another person

19:14 and that person came with another person so there's four me and ali is two more

19:16 so there's four me and ali is two more

19:16 so there's four me and ali is two more that's six

19:17 that's six

19:17 that's six couldn't even have mom dad brother you

19:19 couldn't even have mom dad brother you

19:19 couldn't even have mom dad brother you know and a friend

19:21 know and a friend

19:21 know and a friend and it would be full we really

19:22 and it would be full we really

19:22 and it would be full we really considered it really considered just

19:24 considered it really considered just

19:24 considered it really considered just going ahead with it anyways i mean we've

19:26 going ahead with it anyways i mean we've

19:26 going ahead with it anyways i mean we've waited

19:27 waited

19:27 waited a long time for this when ally moved in

19:29 a long time for this when ally moved in

19:29 a long time for this when ally moved in with me in 2016. i was ready to take her

19:31 with me in 2016. i was ready to take her

19:31 with me in 2016. i was ready to take her to the courthouse right then and marry

19:33 to the courthouse right then and marry

19:33 to the courthouse right then and marry her but ally being ali a very

19:36 her but ally being ali a very

19:36 her but ally being ali a very classy person she went no no let's wait

19:38 classy person she went no no let's wait

19:38 classy person she went no no let's wait a while

19:39 a while

19:39 a while and then if we're gonna get engaged

19:40 and then if we're gonna get engaged

19:40 and then if we're gonna get engaged let's really get engaged the ring the

19:42 let's really get engaged the ring the

19:42 let's really get engaged the ring the whole

19:42 whole

19:42 whole you know keep it classy keep it classic

19:44 you know keep it classy keep it classic

19:44 you know keep it classy keep it classic like okay okay no problem so after a

19:46 like okay okay no problem so after a

19:46 like okay okay no problem so after a little more than a year you know

19:47 little more than a year you know

19:47 little more than a year you know she finished school and everything we

19:49 she finished school and everything we

19:49 she finished school and everything we got engaged i think in what was it

19:51 got engaged i think in what was it

19:51 got engaged i think in what was it december 2017

19:53 december 2017

19:53 december 2017 a while ago now but then ally started

19:55 a while ago now but then ally started

19:55 a while ago now but then ally started having all those health problems with

19:57 having all those health problems with

19:57 having all those health problems with crohn's disease and she had to have

19:59 crohn's disease and she had to have

19:59 crohn's disease and she had to have a big surgery that she had to recover

20:01 a big surgery that she had to recover

20:01 a big surgery that she had to recover from she actually had to have two

20:02 from she actually had to have two

20:02 from she actually had to have two different procedures

20:03 different procedures

20:03 different procedures by the time all that was over and we

20:04 by the time all that was over and we

20:04 by the time all that was over and we knew she was gonna be okay

20:06 knew she was gonna be okay

20:06 knew she was gonna be okay in 2019 it was sort of too late to plan

20:09 in 2019 it was sort of too late to plan

20:09 in 2019 it was sort of too late to plan a wedding by then she really wanted a

20:11 a wedding by then she really wanted a

20:11 a wedding by then she really wanted a fall wedding she really specifically had

20:12 fall wedding she really specifically had

20:12 fall wedding she really specifically had a nice

20:13 a nice

20:13 a nice visual in mind we were looking for a

20:14 visual in mind we were looking for a

20:14 visual in mind we were looking for a venue forever for the forest and all

20:16 venue forever for the forest and all

20:16 venue forever for the forest and all this stuff and then we ended up

20:17 this stuff and then we ended up

20:17 this stuff and then we ended up finding a place closer to home smaller

20:19 finding a place closer to home smaller

20:20 finding a place closer to home smaller more private but

20:21 more private but

20:21 more private but just visually how ally wanted it to be

20:23 just visually how ally wanted it to be

20:23 just visually how ally wanted it to be right and this is her wedding okay

20:25 right and this is her wedding okay

20:25 right and this is her wedding okay this is her wedding she swears she's

20:27 this is her wedding she swears she's

20:27 this is her wedding she swears she's only ever gonna have one so she wants it

20:30 only ever gonna have one so she wants it

20:30 only ever gonna have one so she wants it to be right

20:30 to be right

20:30 to be right apparently it's a stereotypical man

20:32 apparently it's a stereotypical man

20:32 apparently it's a stereotypical man thing i guess so people blame

20:33 thing i guess so people blame

20:34 thing i guess so people blame me like oh you're dragging your feet

20:35 me like oh you're dragging your feet

20:35 me like oh you're dragging your feet what's up you you delaying the wedding

20:37 what's up you you delaying the wedding

20:37 what's up you you delaying the wedding huh justin

20:38 huh justin

20:38 huh justin well it wasn't me i love the girl i

20:40 well it wasn't me i love the girl i

20:40 well it wasn't me i love the girl i would have run off and got married by

20:42 would have run off and got married by

20:42 would have run off and got married by elvis in las vegas or down to the

20:44 elvis in las vegas or down to the

20:44 elvis in las vegas or down to the courthouse with a piece of paper she

20:46 courthouse with a piece of paper she

20:46 courthouse with a piece of paper she knew i'll get on a boat in any harbor

20:48 knew i'll get on a boat in any harbor

20:48 knew i'll get on a boat in any harbor you want in the world and go out to sea

20:49 you want in the world and go out to sea

20:50 you want in the world and go out to sea and get married by a sea

20:51 and get married by a sea

20:51 and get married by a sea whatever it takes man i'm in i am all in

20:53 whatever it takes man i'm in i am all in

20:53 whatever it takes man i'm in i am all in and finally when it felt right to her

20:56 and finally when it felt right to her

20:56 and finally when it felt right to her when she had found the right place the

20:59 when she had found the right place the

20:59 when she had found the right place the right combination of people to help us

21:00 right combination of people to help us

21:00 right combination of people to help us out with the wedding the food

21:01 out with the wedding the food

21:02 out with the wedding the food and the decorations and the cake

21:04 and the decorations and the cake

21:04 and the decorations and the cake everything all planned out

21:06 everything all planned out

21:06 everything all planned out now here the decision had to be made

21:10 now here the decision had to be made

21:10 now here the decision had to be made it had to be made either compromise

21:12 it had to be made either compromise

21:12 it had to be made either compromise everything

21:13 everything

21:13 everything get married with literally just a few

21:15 get married with literally just a few

21:15 get married with literally just a few people around

21:17 people around

21:17 people around not even the bridesmaids and the

21:18 not even the bridesmaids and the

21:18 not even the bridesmaids and the groomsmen and all that that we had

21:20 groomsmen and all that that we had

21:20 groomsmen and all that that we had planned start from scratch and

21:21 planned start from scratch and

21:21 planned start from scratch and do a new wedding somewhere different all

21:25 do a new wedding somewhere different all

21:25 do a new wedding somewhere different all whipped up all quickly or if she wants

21:27 whipped up all quickly or if she wants

21:28 whipped up all quickly or if she wants the wedding that she wants the wedding

21:30 the wedding that she wants the wedding

21:30 the wedding that she wants the wedding she planned

21:32 she planned

21:32 she planned wait an entire other year

21:35 wait an entire other year

21:35 wait an entire other year just to be safe and so of course i left

21:38 just to be safe and so of course i left

21:38 just to be safe and so of course i left a decision with her

21:39 a decision with her

21:39 a decision with her i'm not making that decision for anybody

21:40 i'm not making that decision for anybody

21:40 i'm not making that decision for anybody you know she thought about it for a

21:42 you know she thought about it for a

21:42 you know she thought about it for a while

21:43 while

21:43 while and i said i like i've always been i am

21:45 and i said i like i've always been i am

21:45 and i said i like i've always been i am with you no matter what you want to do

21:47 with you no matter what you want to do

21:47 with you no matter what you want to do but it looks like now the die has been

21:49 but it looks like now the die has been

21:49 but it looks like now the die has been cast the final verdict rendered

21:53 cast the final verdict rendered

21:53 cast the final verdict rendered and we are not going to get married for

21:56 and we are not going to get married for

21:56 and we are not going to get married for a whole

21:57 a whole

21:57 a whole other year ah which of course meant

21:59 other year ah which of course meant

21:59 other year ah which of course meant after already actually changing the date

22:00 after already actually changing the date

22:00 after already actually changing the date once

22:01 once

22:01 once telling people who had had a second to

22:03 telling people who had had a second to

22:03 telling people who had had a second to save the date like sorry we got to move

22:05 save the date like sorry we got to move

22:05 save the date like sorry we got to move it all around and then of course

22:06 it all around and then of course

22:06 it all around and then of course everyone wanted to be helpful and nice

22:07 everyone wanted to be helpful and nice

22:07 everyone wanted to be helpful and nice to

22:07 to poor little alley so they're all telling

22:09 poor little alley so they're all telling

22:09 poor little alley so they're all telling you well what if you did this or what if

22:10 you well what if you did this or what if

22:10 you well what if you did this or what if you did that but all that really did was

22:11 you did that but all that really did was

22:11 you did that but all that really did was just underline like you didn't get what

22:13 just underline like you didn't get what

22:13 just underline like you didn't get what you wanted

22:14 you wanted

22:14 you wanted i mean here's the thing it's sad but a

22:16 i mean here's the thing it's sad but a

22:16 i mean here's the thing it's sad but a year isn't really

22:17 year isn't really

22:17 year isn't really that long you know what i mean i mean as

22:19 that long you know what i mean i mean as

22:19 that long you know what i mean i mean as doc holliday would put it i'd already

22:20 doc holliday would put it i'd already

22:20 doc holliday would put it i'd already considered myself a married man forsaken

22:23 considered myself a married man forsaken

22:23 considered myself a married man forsaken all others from the beginning with her

22:25 all others from the beginning with her

22:25 all others from the beginning with her we've lived together for a while we've

22:26 we've lived together for a while we've

22:26 we've lived together for a while we've been a family for

22:28 been a family for

22:28 been a family for a while now you know and in the grand

22:29 a while now you know and in the grand

22:29 a while now you know and in the grand scheme of things with so many people

22:31 scheme of things with so many people

22:31 scheme of things with so many people hurting and suffering and

22:32 hurting and suffering and

22:32 hurting and suffering and struggling right now including us a

22:34 struggling right now including us a

22:34 struggling right now including us a little bit you know what's a year to

22:36 little bit you know what's a year to

22:36 little bit you know what's a year to wait for a wedding it doesn't seem like

22:37 wait for a wedding it doesn't seem like

22:37 wait for a wedding it doesn't seem like that big of a deal you know it'll be

22:39 that big of a deal you know it'll be

22:39 that big of a deal you know it'll be okay i mean because of the virus we

22:41 okay i mean because of the virus we

22:41 okay i mean because of the virus we would have already had to

22:42 would have already had to

22:42 would have already had to cancel or postpone our honeymoon so that

22:45 cancel or postpone our honeymoon so that

22:45 cancel or postpone our honeymoon so that wasn't going to happen money was already

22:47 wasn't going to happen money was already

22:47 wasn't going to happen money was already really really tight so everything was

22:50 really really tight so everything was

22:50 really really tight so everything was just a little bit stressful i mean

22:52 just a little bit stressful i mean

22:52 just a little bit stressful i mean putting it off another year is like okay

22:54 putting it off another year is like okay

22:54 putting it off another year is like okay you know maybe

22:55 you know maybe

22:55 you know maybe maybe it's for the best maybe it happens

22:57 maybe it's for the best maybe it happens

22:57 maybe it's for the best maybe it happens for a reason it's all good we're trying

22:59 for a reason it's all good we're trying

22:59 for a reason it's all good we're trying to look on the bright side but i gotta

23:00 to look on the bright side but i gotta

23:00 to look on the bright side but i gotta tell you

23:01 tell you once we start making those calls cancel

23:03 once we start making those calls cancel

23:03 once we start making those calls cancel the food

23:05 the food

23:05 the food we gotta postpone this or that people

23:07 we gotta postpone this or that people

23:07 we gotta postpone this or that people were trying to be make suggestions and

23:09 were trying to be make suggestions and

23:09 were trying to be make suggestions and be helpful but it just kept having to

23:11 be helpful but it just kept having to

23:11 be helpful but it just kept having to make those calls you know it really got

23:13 make those calls you know it really got

23:13 make those calls you know it really got to be

23:15 to be

23:15 to be depressing maybe just straight up like

23:18 depressing maybe just straight up like

23:18 depressing maybe just straight up like man and not in a bratty way or anything

23:20 man and not in a bratty way or anything

23:20 man and not in a bratty way or anything because i mean we're trying to keep it

23:21 because i mean we're trying to keep it

23:21 because i mean we're trying to keep it in perspective but poor alley like

23:23 in perspective but poor alley like

23:23 in perspective but poor alley like it really started to get to her as it

23:25 it really started to get to her as it

23:25 it really started to get to her as it sank in you know

23:26 sank in you know

23:26 sank in you know poor alley i can't even

23:32 i can't even try to repeat to you some

23:32 i can't even try to repeat to you some of the

23:33 of the

23:34 of the cute just sad things that she was saying

23:37 cute just sad things that she was saying

23:37 cute just sad things that she was saying to me anyway that's the first stage of

23:38 to me anyway that's the first stage of

23:38 to me anyway that's the first stage of why you saw us kind of disappear there

23:40 why you saw us kind of disappear there

23:40 why you saw us kind of disappear there for a minute more or less at least in

23:42 for a minute more or less at least in

23:42 for a minute more or less at least in terms of

23:45 terms of

23:45 terms of this it just it took a minute call a lot

23:47 this it just it took a minute call a lot

23:47 this it just it took a minute call a lot of places in poor alley and she was

23:48 of places in poor alley and she was

23:48 of places in poor alley and she was trying to be so brave and she'd get the

23:50 trying to be so brave and she'd get the

23:50 trying to be so brave and she'd get the little

23:50 little

23:50 little lip squiggle and the eyes would just

23:52 lip squiggle and the eyes would just

23:52 lip squiggle and the eyes would just turn i was like oh no here come the

23:54 turn i was like oh no here come the

23:54 turn i was like oh no here come the poor tears poor alley tears so that i

23:56 poor tears poor alley tears so that i

23:56 poor tears poor alley tears so that i expected you know and normally when

23:58 expected you know and normally when

23:58 expected you know and normally when ally's

23:59 ally's

23:59 ally's really sad like that getting the quivery

24:01 really sad like that getting the quivery

24:01 really sad like that getting the quivery lip

24:02 lip

24:02 lip i jump into comfort mode you know it

24:03 i jump into comfort mode you know it

24:03 i jump into comfort mode you know it makes me less sad so that i can be there

24:05 makes me less sad so that i can be there

24:05 makes me less sad so that i can be there for her

24:05 for her

24:06 for her like it's okay which is good you know

24:07 like it's okay which is good you know

24:07 like it's okay which is good you know i'm sad too but sometimes the best way

24:09 i'm sad too but sometimes the best way

24:09 i'm sad too but sometimes the best way to hold yourself together

24:11 to hold yourself together

24:11 to hold yourself together is to hold other people together

24:14 is to hold other people together

24:14 is to hold other people together unfortunately this time

24:16 unfortunately this time

24:16 unfortunately this time i don't know man it was like everything

24:18 i don't know man it was like everything

24:18 i don't know man it was like everything else that happened everything else that

24:19 else that happened everything else that

24:19 else that happened everything else that had kind of

24:20 had kind of

24:20 had kind of gone look at the brightest side it's

24:21 gone look at the brightest side it's

24:21 gone look at the brightest side it's okay we're gonna make it through this

24:23 okay we're gonna make it through this

24:23 okay we're gonna make it through this year no big deal it's all gonna be fun

24:24 year no big deal it's all gonna be fun

24:24 year no big deal it's all gonna be fun this will be over

24:25 this will be over

24:25 this will be over soon every plan that had to be canceled

24:28 soon every plan that had to be canceled

24:28 soon every plan that had to be canceled every setback the empty bank account

24:30 every setback the empty bank account

24:30 every setback the empty bank account and not being able to hug my mom or dad

24:33 and not being able to hug my mom or dad

24:33 and not being able to hug my mom or dad you know for five months it all started

24:35 you know for five months it all started

24:35 you know for five months it all started to come loose and hit me

24:36 to come loose and hit me

24:36 to come loose and hit me all at once like an avalanche and i

24:39 all at once like an avalanche and i

24:39 all at once like an avalanche and i think i've actually

24:41 think i've actually

24:41 think i've actually sort of figured out why all the other 20

24:43 sort of figured out why all the other 20

24:43 sort of figured out why all the other 20 20 problems right

24:45 20 problems right

24:45 20 problems right pandemic financial struggles terrible

24:47 pandemic financial struggles terrible

24:48 pandemic financial struggles terrible upstairs neighbor

24:49 upstairs neighbor

24:49 upstairs neighbor ali's health problems cropping back up

24:51 ali's health problems cropping back up

24:51 ali's health problems cropping back up and

24:52 and people criticizing us if we do stuff if

24:54 people criticizing us if we do stuff if

24:54 people criticizing us if we do stuff if we don't do stuff

24:55 we don't do stuff

24:55 we don't do stuff just all the yelling and fighting and

24:56 just all the yelling and fighting and

24:56 just all the yelling and fighting and the chaos in the world and everything

24:58 the chaos in the world and everything

24:58 the chaos in the world and everything else going on obviously without even

24:59 else going on obviously without even

25:00 else going on obviously without even touching the fact that the election year

25:01 touching the fact that the election year

25:01 touching the fact that the election year and the protests and the things and the

25:04 and the protests and the things and the

25:04 and the protests and the things and the burnings and the craziness and worst of

25:05 burnings and the craziness and worst of

25:05 burnings and the craziness and worst of all being absolutely cut off from my

25:08 all being absolutely cut off from my

25:08 all being absolutely cut off from my usual method of coping with this stuff

25:10 usual method of coping with this stuff

25:10 usual method of coping with this stuff you know just be

25:11 you know just be

25:11 you know just be just by being able to work and keep busy

25:14 just by being able to work and keep busy

25:14 just by being able to work and keep busy and make other people happy

25:17 and make other people happy

25:17 and make other people happy it's just i don't know it's like every

25:19 it's just i don't know it's like every

25:19 it's just i don't know it's like every other plan was ruined

25:20 other plan was ruined

25:20 other plan was ruined devastated destroyed heimbach

25:24 devastated destroyed heimbach

25:24 devastated destroyed heimbach everything else could go wrong but over

25:26 everything else could go wrong but over

25:26 everything else could go wrong but over here we were gonna get married as long

25:28 here we were gonna get married as long

25:28 here we were gonna get married as long as we got over here

25:30 as we got over here

25:30 as we got over here this one thing was going to happen you

25:32 this one thing was going to happen you

25:32 this one thing was going to happen you know health problems money problems

25:34 know health problems money problems

25:34 know health problems money problems people getting sick out there and

25:37 people getting sick out there and

25:37 people getting sick out there and all the stuff going on people that are

25:39 all the stuff going on people that are

25:39 all the stuff going on people that are angry people that are dying i mean just

25:41 angry people that are dying i mean just

25:41 angry people that are dying i mean just chaos absolutely the whole world could

25:42 chaos absolutely the whole world could

25:42 chaos absolutely the whole world could burn down but on october 10th i am

25:44 burn down but on october 10th i am

25:44 burn down but on october 10th i am marrying the love of my life

25:47 marrying the love of my life

25:47 marrying the love of my life that big thing that's been hanging us

25:49 that big thing that's been hanging us

25:49 that big thing that's been hanging us you know hanging over our heads and

25:51 you know hanging over our heads and

25:51 you know hanging over our heads and that we've been wanting to do and it's

25:52 that we've been wanting to do and it's

25:52 that we've been wanting to do and it's just kept diluting us we'll finally be

25:55 just kept diluting us we'll finally be

25:55 just kept diluting us we'll finally be checked off the list progress we will at

25:57 checked off the list progress we will at

25:57 checked off the list progress we will at least

25:58 least

25:58 least accomplish this one glorious mission

26:02 accomplish this one glorious mission

26:02 accomplish this one glorious mission and so everything else can go crazy but

26:05 and so everything else can go crazy but

26:05 and so everything else can go crazy but as long as we have this one thing

26:07 as long as we have this one thing

26:07 as long as we have this one thing planned in the head it was like

26:09 planned in the head it was like

26:09 planned in the head it was like it was keeping my mental tension okay it

26:11 it was keeping my mental tension okay it

26:11 it was keeping my mental tension okay it was like

26:12 was like

26:12 was like i've got this over here whatever else

26:13 i've got this over here whatever else

26:13 i've got this over here whatever else happens like somewhere in the back of my

26:15 happens like somewhere in the back of my

26:15 happens like somewhere in the back of my mouth like but on october 10th though

26:18 mouth like but on october 10th though

26:18 mouth like but on october 10th though you know oh man now keep in mind this is

26:21 you know oh man now keep in mind this is

26:21 you know oh man now keep in mind this is all

26:21 all

26:22 all subconscious stuff i'm talking about

26:23 subconscious stuff i'm talking about

26:23 subconscious stuff i'm talking about here i wasn't thinking about this out

26:24 here i wasn't thinking about this out

26:24 here i wasn't thinking about this out loud but it was almost like this last

26:25 loud but it was almost like this last

26:25 loud but it was almost like this last little clothespin

26:27 little clothespin

26:28 little clothespin holding up the giant sheet of my

26:29 holding up the giant sheet of my

26:30 holding up the giant sheet of my positivity and my hopes and my strength

26:32 positivity and my hopes and my strength

26:32 positivity and my hopes and my strength just snapped

26:35 just snapped

26:35 just snapped fluttering in the wind and i know for

26:38 fluttering in the wind and i know for

26:38 fluttering in the wind and i know for about a week i've just been

26:40 about a week i've just been

26:40 about a week i've just been just trying to get back up you know

26:42 just trying to get back up you know

26:42 just trying to get back up you know you're hit

26:44 you're hit

26:44 you're hit nothing you could do about it you got

26:46 nothing you could do about it you got

26:46 nothing you could do about it you got hit getting up

26:51 is up to you so don't get me wrong i'm

26:51 is up to you so don't get me wrong i'm not describing a

26:53 not describing a

26:53 not describing a a wallowing thing you know i may have

26:56 a wallowing thing you know i may have

26:56 a wallowing thing you know i may have slid into the depths of despair for a

26:58 slid into the depths of despair for a

26:58 slid into the depths of despair for a few moments but

27:00 few moments but

27:00 few moments but at the end of the day it's not the end

27:01 at the end of the day it's not the end

27:01 at the end of the day it's not the end of the world or anything it's just it

27:02 of the world or anything it's just it

27:02 of the world or anything it's just it happened to be that one thing

27:04 happened to be that one thing

27:04 happened to be that one thing one thing that you could just sort of

27:06 one thing that you could just sort of

27:06 one thing that you could just sort of have

27:08 have

27:08 have that meant uh at least this you know at

27:10 that meant uh at least this you know at

27:10 that meant uh at least this you know at least we're gonna get here so

27:12 least we're gonna get here so

27:12 least we're gonna get here so the wedding is now officially postponed

27:15 the wedding is now officially postponed

27:15 the wedding is now officially postponed ostensibly for a year

27:18 ostensibly for a year

27:18 ostensibly for a year and uh ali's really sad and she can't

27:21 and uh ali's really sad and she can't

27:21 and uh ali's really sad and she can't come with me

27:22 come with me

27:22 come with me while i talk about this because i

27:23 while i talk about this because i

27:23 while i talk about this because i thought well you're gonna have to talk

27:24 thought well you're gonna have to talk

27:24 thought well you're gonna have to talk too i don't want to talk for you if

27:25 too i don't want to talk for you if

27:25 too i don't want to talk for you if you're standing right there about this

27:26 you're standing right there about this

27:26 you're standing right there about this kind of stuff but

27:27 kind of stuff but

27:27 kind of stuff but she can't really talk about it without

27:29 she can't really talk about it without

27:30 she can't really talk about it without getting choked up and then she'll be

27:31 getting choked up and then she'll be

27:31 getting choked up and then she'll be okay she'll be fine for a whole day and

27:33 okay she'll be fine for a whole day and

27:33 okay she'll be fine for a whole day and everything's fine yeah it makes sense

27:34 everything's fine yeah it makes sense

27:34 everything's fine yeah it makes sense and there's a lot of benefits to waiting

27:35 and there's a lot of benefits to waiting

27:35 and there's a lot of benefits to waiting another year you know

27:36 another year you know

27:36 another year you know i can plan this thing different and you

27:38 i can plan this thing different and you

27:38 i can plan this thing different and you know we'll have more money the honeymoon

27:40 know we'll have more money the honeymoon

27:40 know we'll have more money the honeymoon won't be canceled so and so and so and

27:41 won't be canceled so and so and so and

27:41 won't be canceled so and so and so and so so and so we'll be able to come

27:43 so so and so we'll be able to come

27:43 so so and so we'll be able to come uh which i wouldn't have been able to do

27:46 uh which i wouldn't have been able to do

27:46 uh which i wouldn't have been able to do now during the pandemic is the travel

27:47 now during the pandemic is the travel

27:47 now during the pandemic is the travel restrictions and

27:48 restrictions and

27:48 restrictions and stuff like that well then the next day

27:51 stuff like that well then the next day

27:51 stuff like that well then the next day it's like

27:51 it's like

27:51 it's like i look over and her lip looks all tied

27:55 i look over and her lip looks all tied

27:55 i look over and her lip looks all tied my eyes looking a little pink like uh-oh

27:58 my eyes looking a little pink like uh-oh

27:58 my eyes looking a little pink like uh-oh what's wrong

27:59 what's wrong

27:59 what's wrong and the tears are back so it's been a

28:01 and the tears are back so it's been a

28:01 and the tears are back so it's been a little more than a week now

28:03 little more than a week now

28:03 little more than a week now and uh we've contacted pretty much

28:06 and uh we've contacted pretty much

28:06 and uh we've contacted pretty much everybody i think we've run down the

28:09 everybody i think we've run down the

28:09 everybody i think we've run down the whole list of

28:10 whole list of

28:10 whole list of vendors and places to get deposits back

28:12 vendors and places to get deposits back

28:12 vendors and places to get deposits back from and

28:13 from and

28:13 from and you know all that stuff which we did so

28:14 you know all that stuff which we did so

28:14 you know all that stuff which we did so that's all good

28:16 that's all good

28:16 that's all good a lot more time to get used to the idea

28:18 a lot more time to get used to the idea

28:18 a lot more time to get used to the idea and

28:20 and store it up here but uh even though

28:23 store it up here but uh even though

28:23 store it up here but uh even though we're resigned to it's our decision you

28:24 we're resigned to it's our decision you

28:24 we're resigned to it's our decision you know

28:24 know and uh it's okay and i mean it's nothing

28:27 and uh it's okay and i mean it's nothing

28:27 and uh it's okay and i mean it's nothing compared to

28:29 compared to

28:29 compared to some of the trials and tribulations

28:30 some of the trials and tribulations

28:30 some of the trials and tribulations other people are going through obviously

28:31 other people are going through obviously

28:31 other people are going through obviously obviously

28:32 obviously

28:32 obviously even for me it's taken really this long

28:35 even for me it's taken really this long

28:35 even for me it's taken really this long to be able to

28:35 to be able to

28:35 to be able to talk about it without breaking down

28:36 talk about it without breaking down

28:36 talk about it without breaking down because like i said it wasn't even just

28:38 because like i said it wasn't even just

28:38 because like i said it wasn't even just the wedding itself which would already

28:39 the wedding itself which would already

28:39 the wedding itself which would already be sad but

28:40 be sad but

28:40 be sad but the fact that it was standing in is the

28:42 the fact that it was standing in is the

28:42 the fact that it was standing in is the hope and the thing that was

28:44 hope and the thing that was

28:44 hope and the thing that was keeping off depression and being upset

28:46 keeping off depression and being upset

28:46 keeping off depression and being upset about so many other things

28:48 about so many other things

28:48 about so many other things boy this was deep for so long you know

28:50 boy this was deep for so long you know

28:50 boy this was deep for so long you know we're blessed in so many amazing ways

28:52 we're blessed in so many amazing ways

28:52 we're blessed in so many amazing ways neither of us really wants a complainer

28:55 neither of us really wants a complainer

28:56 neither of us really wants a complainer wants to feel this way but it's just

28:57 wants to feel this way but it's just

28:57 wants to feel this way but it's just been

28:58 been

28:58 been it's been tough so almost there so we've

29:01 it's been tough so almost there so we've

29:01 it's been tough so almost there so we've been

29:03 been off the radar a little bit just uh

29:07 off the radar a little bit just uh

29:07 off the radar a little bit just uh taking a little time for grief more

29:09 taking a little time for grief more

29:10 taking a little time for grief more because we just had to

29:11 because we just had to

29:11 because we just had to were both just sort of losing it and

29:13 were both just sort of losing it and

29:13 were both just sort of losing it and because we really wanted to obviously i

29:15 because we really wanted to obviously i

29:15 because we really wanted to obviously i really just tripled down on the whole

29:17 really just tripled down on the whole

29:17 really just tripled down on the whole quest for positivity you know it doesn't

29:19 quest for positivity you know it doesn't

29:19 quest for positivity you know it doesn't matter if you're already happy you don't

29:20 matter if you're already happy you don't

29:20 matter if you're already happy you don't need a quest for positivity

29:21 need a quest for positivity

29:22 need a quest for positivity it's when everything's about to get dark

29:24 it's when everything's about to get dark

29:24 it's when everything's about to get dark when the sun is setting on your life

29:25 when the sun is setting on your life

29:25 when the sun is setting on your life that you gotta go

29:27 that you gotta go

29:27 that you gotta go where's the moon you know what i mean

29:29 where's the moon you know what i mean

29:29 where's the moon you know what i mean it's never fun to find out you're

29:31 it's never fun to find out you're

29:31 it's never fun to find out you're depressed but an exercise

29:32 depressed but an exercise

29:32 depressed but an exercise definitely helps it's a big thing i

29:34 definitely helps it's a big thing i

29:34 definitely helps it's a big thing i normally try to stay so busy i don't

29:36 normally try to stay so busy i don't

29:36 normally try to stay so busy i don't have time to be depressed and

29:38 have time to be depressed and

29:38 have time to be depressed and now i've been trying to stay sweaty and

29:41 now i've been trying to stay sweaty and

29:41 now i've been trying to stay sweaty and out of breath enough that i don't break

29:42 out of breath enough that i don't break

29:42 out of breath enough that i don't break down actually

29:43 down actually

29:43 down actually i wasn't doing this and getting winded i

29:46 i wasn't doing this and getting winded i

29:46 i wasn't doing this and getting winded i would

29:46 would

29:46 would be having a much harder time not getting

29:48 be having a much harder time not getting

29:48 be having a much harder time not getting all choked up and crying so this is good

29:50 all choked up and crying so this is good

29:50 all choked up and crying so this is good this is nice i'm able to get through

29:51 this is nice i'm able to get through

29:51 this is nice i'm able to get through this but it is strange huh human beings

29:53 this but it is strange huh human beings

29:53 this but it is strange huh human beings are so funny because

29:55 are so funny because

29:55 are so funny because i mean maybe some of you have been

29:56 i mean maybe some of you have been

29:56 i mean maybe some of you have been through this but like i've had times

29:57 through this but like i've had times

29:57 through this but like i've had times where people are

30:00 where people are

30:00 where people are dying around me you know loved ones and

30:03 dying around me you know loved ones and

30:03 dying around me you know loved ones and just horrible stuff going on and

30:05 just horrible stuff going on and

30:05 just horrible stuff going on and terrible things and

30:06 terrible things and

30:06 terrible things and i've been okay i've been able to be

30:08 i've been okay i've been able to be

30:08 i've been okay i've been able to be there for everyone be strong be

30:10 there for everyone be strong be

30:10 there for everyone be strong be reflective philosophical and then

30:12 reflective philosophical and then

30:12 reflective philosophical and then there's other times where you're

30:13 there's other times where you're

30:13 there's other times where you're going to take out the trash the bag

30:15 going to take out the trash the bag

30:15 going to take out the trash the bag breaks and you'll lose your mind i mean

30:17 breaks and you'll lose your mind i mean

30:17 breaks and you'll lose your mind i mean you'll absolutely go and

30:19 you'll absolutely go and

30:19 you'll absolutely go and go insane you know just you never know

30:21 go insane you know just you never know

30:21 go insane you know just you never know what that straw is gonna be

30:23 what that straw is gonna be

30:23 what that straw is gonna be that's just too many things like right

30:26 that's just too many things like right

30:26 that's just too many things like right now and it's hard to

30:27 now and it's hard to

30:27 now and it's hard to it's hard to really capture

30:33 the sunset looks so beautiful but a part

30:33 the sunset looks so beautiful but a part of that is because there's so much smog

30:35 of that is because there's so much smog

30:35 of that is because there's so much smog and smoke in the air

30:37 and smoke in the air

30:37 and smoke in the air from fires that weather always makes for

30:40 from fires that weather always makes for

30:40 from fires that weather always makes for beautiful sunsets and actually i should

30:43 beautiful sunsets and actually i should

30:43 beautiful sunsets and actually i should let you guys know

30:44 let you guys know

30:44 let you guys know i have actually been working this whole

30:47 i have actually been working this whole

30:47 i have actually been working this whole time when i'm silent i am actually

30:48 time when i'm silent i am actually

30:48 time when i'm silent i am actually working on something

30:50 working on something

30:50 working on something that probably won't be done for months

30:53 that probably won't be done for months

30:53 that probably won't be done for months if not maybe a year

30:54 if not maybe a year

30:54 if not maybe a year ish and no it's not the wedding i've

30:56 ish and no it's not the wedding i've

30:56 ish and no it's not the wedding i've been working on something else something

30:58 been working on something else something

30:58 been working on something else something new something completely different

31:00 new something completely different

31:00 new something completely different it's going to take a long time a lot of

31:01 it's going to take a long time a lot of

31:01 it's going to take a long time a lot of effort and

31:03 effort and

31:03 effort and you know with all this stuff when i

31:04 you know with all this stuff when i

31:04 you know with all this stuff when i couldn't be filling or had to cancel the

31:05 couldn't be filling or had to cancel the

31:05 couldn't be filling or had to cancel the plans or waiting in between videos to

31:07 plans or waiting in between videos to

31:07 plans or waiting in between videos to self quarantine make sure we're not sick

31:09 self quarantine make sure we're not sick

31:09 self quarantine make sure we're not sick or waiting for covet tests and all this

31:10 or waiting for covet tests and all this

31:10 or waiting for covet tests and all this stuff was like

31:11 stuff was like

31:11 stuff was like i really don't have an excuse not to

31:13 i really don't have an excuse not to

31:13 i really don't have an excuse not to start this

31:14 start this

31:14 start this new project so i am working on something

31:17 new project so i am working on something

31:17 new project so i am working on something maybe it'll be a failure

31:19 maybe it'll be a failure

31:19 maybe it'll be a failure and you'll never see it although

31:20 and you'll never see it although

31:20 and you'll never see it although probably not because when i work on

31:21 probably not because when i work on

31:21 probably not because when i work on something for a long time i usually put

31:23 something for a long time i usually put

31:23 something for a long time i usually put it in the world whether or not

31:25 it in the world whether or not

31:25 it in the world whether or not so i have actually been working on

31:27 so i have actually been working on

31:27 so i have actually been working on something for a while i know it isn't

31:29 something for a while i know it isn't

31:29 something for a while i know it isn't music

31:30 music

31:30 music ever since i posted a few pictures of

31:32 ever since i posted a few pictures of

31:32 ever since i posted a few pictures of back in the day with the band the other

31:34 back in the day with the band the other

31:34 back in the day with the band the other day and people are like you production

31:35 day and people are like you production

31:35 day and people are like you production noob you you get a rock

31:37 noob you you get a rock

31:37 noob you you get a rock no i am not going to rock my band this

31:40 no i am not going to rock my band this

31:40 no i am not going to rock my band this guard

31:40 guard

31:40 guard the band that i was in for all those

31:42 the band that i was in for all those

31:42 the band that i was in for all those years they closed book to me

31:44 years they closed book to me

31:44 years they closed book to me i don't want i have no interest in

31:45 i don't want i have no interest in

31:45 i don't want i have no interest in playing a live show i

31:47 playing a live show i

31:47 playing a live show i have no interest in recording music for

31:49 have no interest in recording music for

31:49 have no interest in recording music for that anymore although actually

31:51 that anymore although actually

31:51 that anymore although actually we may put out we had music we recorded

31:52 we may put out we had music we recorded

31:52 we may put out we had music we recorded before and never put out so we may put

31:54 before and never put out so we may put

31:54 before and never put out so we may put out you know

31:55 out you know

31:55 out you know something so don't expect nothing to

31:58 something so don't expect nothing to

31:58 something so don't expect nothing to ever happen but

31:59 ever happen but

31:59 ever happen but i'm not gonna go playing any music or

32:01 i'm not gonna go playing any music or

32:01 i'm not gonna go playing any music or making new records for

32:02 making new records for

32:02 making new records for a punk band that i'm done with no we're

32:04 a punk band that i'm done with no we're

32:04 a punk band that i'm done with no we're talking about something entirely

32:06 talking about something entirely

32:06 talking about something entirely different something i have

32:07 different something i have

32:07 different something i have never done before never done anything

32:09 never done before never done anything

32:09 never done before never done anything like it before actually

32:11 like it before actually

32:11 like it before actually but something i think you'll if it goes

32:13 but something i think you'll if it goes

32:13 but something i think you'll if it goes well i think you'll be interested in i

32:14 well i think you'll be interested in i

32:14 well i think you'll be interested in i think you'll like so

32:17 think you'll like so

32:17 think you'll like so it's not like all the time has been lost

32:18 it's not like all the time has been lost

32:18 it's not like all the time has been lost to

32:20 to sitting and camping it's just i get very

32:23 sitting and camping it's just i get very

32:23 sitting and camping it's just i get very very very frustrated i get very very

32:26 very very frustrated i get very very

32:26 very very frustrated i get very very very very frustrated with myself with

32:29 very very frustrated with myself with

32:29 very very frustrated with myself with the world i get all stressed out

32:32 the world i get all stressed out

32:32 the world i get all stressed out when i when i can't work and work on

32:34 when i when i can't work and work on

32:34 when i when i can't work and work on randomly and work on the shows and do

32:36 randomly and work on the shows and do

32:36 randomly and work on the shows and do all that stuff and so

32:40 all that stuff and so

32:40 all that stuff and so anyway that's what's been going on i

32:42 anyway that's what's been going on i

32:42 anyway that's what's been going on i didn't really have another good there

32:43 didn't really have another good there

32:43 didn't really have another good there was no good way to talk about hey y'all

32:44 was no good way to talk about hey y'all

32:44 was no good way to talk about hey y'all just want to let you know i'm super

32:46 just want to let you know i'm super

32:46 just want to let you know i'm super depressed right now and i can't move

32:47 depressed right now and i can't move

32:48 depressed right now and i can't move i've been laying in my bed like cameron

32:49 i've been laying in my bed like cameron

32:49 i've been laying in my bed like cameron from ferris bueller

32:51 from ferris bueller

32:51 from ferris bueller i'm dying i wasn't actually doing that

32:53 i'm dying i wasn't actually doing that

32:53 i'm dying i wasn't actually doing that but metaphorically speaking you know i'm

32:55 but metaphorically speaking you know i'm

32:55 but metaphorically speaking you know i'm dying

32:56 dying

32:56 dying i guess there's just some moments in

32:58 i guess there's just some moments in

32:58 i guess there's just some moments in life where you gotta

33:00 life where you gotta

33:00 life where you gotta pull over to the side of the road and go

33:02 pull over to the side of the road and go

33:02 pull over to the side of the road and go you know what this sucks

33:05 you know what this sucks

33:05 you know what this sucks you gotta pull over check the map

33:10 you gotta pull over check the map

33:10 you gotta pull over check the map make sure you know where you're at even

33:12 make sure you know where you're at even

33:12 make sure you know where you're at even if where you're at isn't so great and go

33:14 if where you're at isn't so great and go

33:14 if where you're at isn't so great and go all right

33:15 all right

33:15 all right now that i know where i'm at i've taken

33:16 now that i know where i'm at i've taken

33:16 now that i know where i'm at i've taken stock of the situation i'm gonna make

33:18 stock of the situation i'm gonna make

33:18 stock of the situation i'm gonna make the best of things so

33:20 the best of things so

33:20 the best of things so i am not giving up not now not ever not

33:22 i am not giving up not now not ever not

33:22 i am not giving up not now not ever not giving up on that quest for positivity

33:25 giving up on that quest for positivity

33:25 giving up on that quest for positivity or the fight against depression or

33:27 or the fight against depression or

33:27 or the fight against depression or anxiety

33:28 anxiety

33:28 anxiety no i just need a little time to

33:31 no i just need a little time to

33:31 no i just need a little time to and then go for it i thought i'd already

33:33 and then go for it i thought i'd already

33:33 and then go for it i thought i'd already been through that to more of the

33:34 been through that to more of the

33:34 been through that to more of the beginning of the whole

33:36 beginning of the whole

33:36 beginning of the whole pandemic thing but no it turned it

33:38 pandemic thing but no it turned it

33:38 pandemic thing but no it turned it turned out i had more

33:39 turned out i had more

33:39 turned out i had more i had farther to fall i guess mentally

33:41 i had farther to fall i guess mentally

33:41 i had farther to fall i guess mentally up here and don't ask me why because i

33:43 up here and don't ask me why because i

33:43 up here and don't ask me why because i really couldn't tell you

33:44 really couldn't tell you

33:44 really couldn't tell you the worst part like the part i dreaded

33:46 the worst part like the part i dreaded

33:46 the worst part like the part i dreaded the most was this

33:48 the most was this

33:48 the most was this just letting everybody know what's going

33:49 just letting everybody know what's going

33:50 just letting everybody know what's going on because we get a lot of people i mean

33:51 on because we get a lot of people i mean

33:51 on because we get a lot of people i mean well-intentioned people

33:52 well-intentioned people

33:52 well-intentioned people kind of nice people but they'll make

33:54 kind of nice people but they'll make

33:54 kind of nice people but they'll make little jokes like are you dragging your

33:56 little jokes like are you dragging your

33:56 little jokes like are you dragging your feet why haven't you married the girl

33:57 feet why haven't you married the girl

33:57 feet why haven't you married the girl yet like which is

33:58 yet like which is

33:58 yet like which is kind of a sore spot for us anyways it's

34:00 kind of a sore spot for us anyways it's

34:00 kind of a sore spot for us anyways it's been so frustrating hard now these

34:01 been so frustrating hard now these

34:01 been so frustrating hard now these health problems you know she already has

34:03 health problems you know she already has

34:03 health problems you know she already has felt guilty oh we had to delay it so

34:05 felt guilty oh we had to delay it so

34:05 felt guilty oh we had to delay it so just the having to tell people

34:07 just the having to tell people

34:07 just the having to tell people first having to tell all the people who

34:08 first having to tell all the people who

34:08 first having to tell all the people who got saved the dates twice

34:10 got saved the dates twice

34:10 got saved the dates twice including bob girl who sent ali a really

34:12 including bob girl who sent ali a really

34:12 including bob girl who sent ali a really nice video message afterwards like it's

34:13 nice video message afterwards like it's

34:13 nice video message afterwards like it's gonna be okay

34:14 gonna be okay

34:14 gonna be okay don't worry i'll be there for the third

34:16 don't worry i'll be there for the third

34:16 don't worry i'll be there for the third one third time's a charm it's really

34:18 one third time's a charm it's really

34:18 one third time's a charm it's really nice

34:19 nice

34:19 nice but then just having to tell everybody

34:20 but then just having to tell everybody

34:20 but then just having to tell everybody like oh so this is what's going on

34:23 like oh so this is what's going on

34:23 like oh so this is what's going on that was the frustrating part and that's

34:25 that was the frustrating part and that's

34:25 that was the frustrating part and that's why i'm sorry it took so long

34:27 why i'm sorry it took so long

34:27 why i'm sorry it took so long but i wanted to cut off hopefully a lot

34:30 but i wanted to cut off hopefully a lot

34:30 but i wanted to cut off hopefully a lot of things where i go oh we had to delay

34:32 of things where i go oh we had to delay

34:32 of things where i go oh we had to delay the wedding because of the

34:33 the wedding because of the

34:33 the wedding because of the people restrictions and people go why

34:35 people restrictions and people go why

34:35 people restrictions and people go why don't you just rent a hall or

34:36 don't you just rent a hall or

34:36 don't you just rent a hall or how about you go over to arizona or why

34:38 how about you go over to arizona or why

34:38 how about you go over to arizona or why don't you do this one

34:39 don't you do this one

34:39 don't you do this one because we want to do the wedding the

34:42 because we want to do the wedding the

34:42 because we want to do the wedding the way ali wants to do it

34:43 way ali wants to do it

34:43 way ali wants to do it which i'm 100 on board with i'm not like

34:46 which i'm 100 on board with i'm not like

34:46 which i'm 100 on board with i'm not like blaming it on her

34:47 blaming it on her

34:47 blaming it on her she has a certain thing she wants to do

34:48 she has a certain thing she wants to do

34:48 she has a certain thing she wants to do a certain way she had it all planned out

34:50 a certain way she had it all planned out

34:50 a certain way she had it all planned out was all ready to go it was actually

34:51 was all ready to go it was actually

34:51 was all ready to go it was actually happening

34:53 happening

34:53 happening you know and so rather than compromising

34:55 you know and so rather than compromising

34:55 you know and so rather than compromising what she wants which

34:57 what she wants which

34:57 what she wants which you know she's already boiled it down to

34:58 you know she's already boiled it down to

34:58 you know she's already boiled it down to the essentials anyway um

35:00 the essentials anyway um

35:00 the essentials anyway um she wants to wait i want her to be happy

35:03 she wants to wait i want her to be happy

35:03 she wants to wait i want her to be happy since

35:03 since she's the one i'm doing this for

35:04 she's the one i'm doing this for

35:04 she's the one i'm doing this for obviously and uh

35:06 obviously and uh

35:06 obviously and uh so we're gonna wait one year so in the

35:08 so we're gonna wait one year so in the

35:08 so we're gonna wait one year so in the scheme of things it's not that bad but

35:09 scheme of things it's not that bad but

35:10 scheme of things it's not that bad but it was more just like that

35:11 it was more just like that

35:11 it was more just like that that final blow to the heart when you've

35:12 that final blow to the heart when you've

35:12 that final blow to the heart when you've already been kicked in the shins and the

35:14 already been kicked in the shins and the

35:14 already been kicked in the shins and the back and the

35:15 back and the

35:15 back and the the legs and you know you're already

35:16 the legs and you know you're already

35:16 the legs and you know you're already tired and hungry and

35:18 tired and hungry and

35:18 tired and hungry and whoo it was just that one that one

35:21 whoo it was just that one that one

35:22 whoo it was just that one that one bummer you know

35:22 bummer you know

35:22 bummer you know like if you ever had someone die that

35:24 like if you ever had someone die that

35:24 like if you ever had someone die that you're really close to you and i mean

35:26 you're really close to you and i mean

35:26 you're really close to you and i mean go through a long illness it's really

35:29 go through a long illness it's really

35:29 go through a long illness it's really hard

35:30 hard

35:30 hard everyone is sad and

35:33 everyone is sad and

35:33 everyone is sad and you're devastated i mean it's such a

35:35 you're devastated i mean it's such a

35:35 you're devastated i mean it's such a loss and they're gone and you're left

35:37 loss and they're gone and you're left

35:37 loss and they're gone and you're left with this

35:38 with this

35:38 with this just shock feeling but you're like okay

35:40 just shock feeling but you're like okay

35:40 just shock feeling but you're like okay you know

35:41 you know

35:41 you know so and so is crying i'll go talk to them

35:44 so and so is crying i'll go talk to them

35:44 so and so is crying i'll go talk to them and there are there are

35:45 and there are there are

35:45 and there are there are things to arrange things to take care of

35:47 things to arrange things to take care of

35:47 things to arrange things to take care of and so somehow you just

35:48 and so somehow you just

35:48 and so somehow you just can't cry like when it's all said and

35:51 can't cry like when it's all said and

35:51 can't cry like when it's all said and done you're back at home and you're

35:53 done you're back at home and you're

35:53 done you're back at home and you're you're in shock you're you're awestruck

35:56 you're in shock you're you're awestruck

35:56 you're in shock you're you're awestruck dumbstruck and you just

35:59 dumbstruck and you just

35:59 dumbstruck and you just the tears aren't there you know this has

36:01 the tears aren't there you know this has

36:01 the tears aren't there you know this has literally happened to me then you almost

36:02 literally happened to me then you almost

36:02 literally happened to me then you almost feel guilty or

36:03 feel guilty or

36:03 feel guilty or you feel sort of strange or you feel

36:04 you feel sort of strange or you feel

36:04 you feel sort of strange or you feel strong whatever it is

36:06 strong whatever it is

36:06 strong whatever it is and like weeks will go by and you'll be

36:08 and like weeks will go by and you'll be

36:08 and like weeks will go by and you'll be watching it doesn't even matter the

36:09 watching it doesn't even matter the

36:10 watching it doesn't even matter the office or some silly sitcoms

36:12 office or some silly sitcoms

36:12 office or some silly sitcoms anything you'll be in a grocery store

36:13 anything you'll be in a grocery store

36:13 anything you'll be in a grocery store you'll see a sad picture some

36:15 you'll see a sad picture some

36:16 you'll see a sad picture some something will just unleash you

36:19 something will just unleash you

36:19 something will just unleash you and you'll weep you'll just weep

36:22 and you'll weep you'll just weep

36:22 and you'll weep you'll just weep got a lot of friends and family like

36:23 got a lot of friends and family like

36:23 got a lot of friends and family like that their spouse will die or some

36:25 that their spouse will die or some

36:25 that their spouse will die or some horrible i mean even worse than that

36:27 horrible i mean even worse than that

36:27 horrible i mean even worse than that horrible thing will happen

36:29 horrible thing will happen

36:29 horrible thing will happen it'll be years you know you know you'll

36:31 it'll be years you know you know you'll

36:31 it'll be years you know you know you'll be watching a

36:32 be watching a

36:32 be watching a sad movie or something and then it will

36:33 sad movie or something and then it will

36:33 sad movie or something and then it will just all

36:35 just all

36:35 just all hit them all come at once all the grief

36:38 hit them all come at once all the grief

36:38 hit them all come at once all the grief and the sadness

36:40 and the sadness

36:40 and the sadness it's like traumatic things that come

36:41 it's like traumatic things that come

36:41 it's like traumatic things that come back on you years later and you just

36:43 back on you years later and you just

36:43 back on you years later and you just have to go through it

36:45 have to go through it

36:45 have to go through it i guess that's kind of like a miniature

36:47 i guess that's kind of like a miniature

36:47 i guess that's kind of like a miniature version

36:48 version

36:48 version here like it's the best thing i could

36:50 here like it's the best thing i could

36:50 here like it's the best thing i could compare it to in the way that we've just

36:51 compare it to in the way that we've just

36:51 compare it to in the way that we've just been putting off the stress as much as

36:52 been putting off the stress as much as

36:52 been putting off the stress as much as possible like there's been moments i

36:53 possible like there's been moments i

36:53 possible like there's been moments i felt like i was gonna lose it

36:55 felt like i was gonna lose it

36:55 felt like i was gonna lose it gotta hold it together and holding it

36:57 gotta hold it together and holding it

36:57 gotta hold it together and holding it together and just this last week was

36:58 together and just this last week was

36:58 together and just this last week was just

36:59 just

36:59 just just taking a tumble man just taking a

37:01 just taking a tumble man just taking a

37:01 just taking a tumble man just taking a spill but although the sun may be

37:04 spill but although the sun may be

37:04 spill but although the sun may be setting on our plans and hopes for the

37:07 setting on our plans and hopes for the

37:07 setting on our plans and hopes for the fall of 2020 over here

37:09 fall of 2020 over here

37:09 fall of 2020 over here i am reaching that point where i'm like

37:11 i am reaching that point where i'm like

37:11 i am reaching that point where i'm like okay

37:12 okay

37:12 okay the sun is going down things are nuts

37:15 the sun is going down things are nuts

37:15 the sun is going down things are nuts but just like every other day

37:20 but just like every other day

37:20 but just like every other day the sun will rise again i know that here

37:23 the sun will rise again i know that here

37:23 the sun will rise again i know that here so i'm trying to get it back here like

37:25 so i'm trying to get it back here like

37:26 so i'm trying to get it back here like all right let's go forward and then

37:28 all right let's go forward and then

37:28 all right let's go forward and then hopefully i'll start feeling it again in

37:29 hopefully i'll start feeling it again in

37:29 hopefully i'll start feeling it again in here you know like just get that

37:32 here you know like just get that

37:32 here you know like just get that push anyway i didn't feel like i could i

37:34 push anyway i didn't feel like i could i

37:34 push anyway i didn't feel like i could i just felt like i haven't been able to do

37:35 just felt like i haven't been able to do

37:35 just felt like i haven't been able to do anything i couldn't

37:36 anything i couldn't

37:36 anything i couldn't get anything done or move on or move on

37:38 get anything done or move on or move on

37:38 get anything done or move on or move on to the next thing or even try to get

37:40 to the next thing or even try to get

37:40 to the next thing or even try to get busy or

37:41 busy or

37:41 busy or do any vlogs or film any episodes of

37:43 do any vlogs or film any episodes of

37:43 do any vlogs or film any episodes of random land or like

37:45 random land or like

37:45 random land or like podcasts that we do for patreon i

37:46 podcasts that we do for patreon i

37:46 podcasts that we do for patreon i couldn't get started on anything because

37:48 couldn't get started on anything because

37:48 couldn't get started on anything because it's just been

37:50 it's just been

37:50 it's just been having this thing on my chest and in my

37:51 having this thing on my chest and in my

37:52 having this thing on my chest and in my mind and trying to comfort alley you

37:54 mind and trying to comfort alley you

37:54 mind and trying to comfort alley you know and i just haven't

37:55 know and i just haven't

37:55 know and i just haven't told anyone so i just had to get that

37:57 told anyone so i just had to get that

37:57 told anyone so i just had to get that off my chest sorry it took so long

38:00 off my chest sorry it took so long

38:00 off my chest sorry it took so long sometimes i'm succinct and articulate

38:02 sometimes i'm succinct and articulate

38:02 sometimes i'm succinct and articulate most of the time i'm

38:03 most of the time i'm

38:03 most of the time i'm it takes me a while but as weird as this

38:05 it takes me a while but as weird as this

38:05 it takes me a while but as weird as this sounds to a lot of people i really do

38:07 sounds to a lot of people i really do

38:07 sounds to a lot of people i really do consider you guys like

38:08 consider you guys like

38:08 consider you guys like my friends and a family in a way you

38:11 my friends and a family in a way you

38:11 my friends and a family in a way you know maybe or maybe extended family but

38:14 know maybe or maybe extended family but

38:14 know maybe or maybe extended family but and so until i've been able to tell

38:16 and so until i've been able to tell

38:16 and so until i've been able to tell everybody stuff sometimes

38:17 everybody stuff sometimes

38:17 everybody stuff sometimes it weighs on me you know so anyway

38:19 it weighs on me you know so anyway

38:19 it weighs on me you know so anyway that's what's been going on not a

38:20 that's what's been going on not a

38:20 that's what's been going on not a catastrophe

38:22 catastrophe

38:22 catastrophe not the end of the world but uh just it

38:25 not the end of the world but uh just it

38:25 not the end of the world but uh just it just somehow man

38:26 just somehow man

38:26 just somehow man 2020 finally got personal like i said i

38:29 2020 finally got personal like i said i

38:29 2020 finally got personal like i said i just started

38:30 just started

38:30 just started feeling everything everybody else has

38:33 feeling everything everybody else has

38:33 feeling everything everybody else has been feeling you know i've been

38:34 been feeling you know i've been

38:34 been feeling you know i've been chuckling at the memes but now i'm like

38:36 chuckling at the memes but now i'm like

38:36 chuckling at the memes but now i'm like oh they cut me to the quick you know

38:38 oh they cut me to the quick you know

38:38 oh they cut me to the quick you know like

38:38 like

38:38 like yeah the curse of 2020. and i told aly i

38:41 yeah the curse of 2020. and i told aly i

38:41 yeah the curse of 2020. and i told aly i was like

38:42 was like i'm not superstitious but i'm a little

38:44 i'm not superstitious but i'm a little

38:44 i'm not superstitious but i'm a little stitches so maybe it's for the best that

38:45 stitches so maybe it's for the best that

38:46 stitches so maybe it's for the best that this crazy just horrible year maybe it's

38:49 this crazy just horrible year maybe it's

38:49 this crazy just horrible year maybe it's better that

38:49 better that

38:49 better that we get married in a different year you

38:51 we get married in a different year you

38:51 we get married in a different year you know sheesh anyway we're starting to see

38:54 know sheesh anyway we're starting to see

38:54 know sheesh anyway we're starting to see the humor and we're starting to see

38:56 the humor and we're starting to see

38:56 the humor and we're starting to see the funny side of it and pick up the

38:58 the funny side of it and pick up the

38:58 the funny side of it and pick up the pieces and and go

38:59 pieces and and go

39:00 pieces and and go forward and all that kind of stuff it's

39:01 forward and all that kind of stuff it's

39:01 forward and all that kind of stuff it's going to take a couple days until it's

39:02 going to take a couple days until it's

39:02 going to take a couple days until it's more funny than it is sad

39:04 more funny than it is sad

39:04 more funny than it is sad obviously but uh thank you guys for

39:07 obviously but uh thank you guys for

39:07 obviously but uh thank you guys for letting me get that off my chest it was

39:10 letting me get that off my chest it was

39:10 letting me get that off my chest it was i feel better now there's nothing left

39:12 i feel better now there's nothing left

39:12 i feel better now there's nothing left to do but watch the

39:14 to do but watch the

39:14 to do but watch the sun slip over the horizon over there

39:19 sun slip over the horizon over there

39:19 sun slip over the horizon over there the very last gasp of

39:23 the very last gasp of

39:23 the very last gasp of sunlight there you have it sunset

39:27 sunlight there you have it sunset

39:27 sunlight there you have it sunset in orange county we did it

39:30 in orange county we did it

39:30 in orange county we did it we've done our duty now i just have to

39:34 we've done our duty now i just have to

39:34 we've done our duty now i just have to go home and sleep well it's gonna take a

39:36 go home and sleep well it's gonna take a

39:36 go home and sleep well it's gonna take a while and also

39:37 while and also

39:37 while and also why in the world am i still wearing my

39:38 why in the world am i still wearing my

39:38 why in the world am i still wearing my sunglasses it's been a long time since

39:40 sunglasses it's been a long time since

39:40 sunglasses it's been a long time since i've

39:42 i've

39:42 i've done vlogging on a regular basis you

39:45 done vlogging on a regular basis you

39:45 done vlogging on a regular basis you know

39:46 know kind of had to cut that out of my life

39:47 kind of had to cut that out of my life

39:47 kind of had to cut that out of my life because people were confusing randomly

39:50 because people were confusing randomly

39:50 because people were confusing randomly in the show

39:51 in the show

39:51 in the show which was taking up more and more of my

39:52 which was taking up more and more of my

39:52 which was taking up more and more of my time as it got more complex

39:54 time as it got more complex

39:54 time as it got more complex was just vlogging and they'd be like

39:55 was just vlogging and they'd be like

39:55 was just vlogging and they'd be like cool vlog that's not really a vlog

39:58 cool vlog that's not really a vlog

39:58 cool vlog that's not really a vlog or at least i don't consider it that way

40:00 or at least i don't consider it that way

40:00 or at least i don't consider it that way you know working on a show here for you

40:02 you know working on a show here for you

40:02 you know working on a show here for you and with the quarantines and stuff being

40:03 and with the quarantines and stuff being

40:03 and with the quarantines and stuff being cut off from

40:04 cut off from

40:04 cut off from a lot of the epic big grand episodic

40:08 a lot of the epic big grand episodic

40:08 a lot of the epic big grand episodic plans that i had i thought

40:10 plans that i had i thought

40:10 plans that i had i thought should i go back and do some vlogging

40:11 should i go back and do some vlogging

40:11 should i go back and do some vlogging during it and i kept thinking

40:13 during it and i kept thinking

40:13 during it and i kept thinking nah cause this this should be over soon

40:14 nah cause this this should be over soon

40:14 nah cause this this should be over soon the curve is flattened you know

40:16 the curve is flattened you know

40:16 the curve is flattened you know hospitals seems like it's getting better

40:18 hospitals seems like it's getting better

40:18 hospitals seems like it's getting better they get better at treating it you know

40:19 they get better at treating it you know

40:19 they get better at treating it you know whatever

40:20 whatever

40:20 whatever but of course this thing's going on and

40:21 but of course this thing's going on and

40:21 but of course this thing's going on and on and on for everyone so

40:24 on and on for everyone so

40:24 on and on for everyone so maybe i'll have to get back to doing

40:26 maybe i'll have to get back to doing

40:26 maybe i'll have to get back to doing some uh from vlogging

40:28 some uh from vlogging

40:28 some uh from vlogging on a regular basis you know have a

40:30 on a regular basis you know have a

40:30 on a regular basis you know have a little silliness

40:32 little silliness

40:32 little silliness well we just make randomly a little

40:33 well we just make randomly a little

40:33 well we just make randomly a little sillier for the time being perhaps

40:35 sillier for the time being perhaps

40:35 sillier for the time being perhaps always seems like such a great idea yeah

40:37 always seems like such a great idea yeah

40:37 always seems like such a great idea yeah i'll get up there

40:39 i'll get up there

40:39 i'll get up there watch the sunset you know ali and i were

40:41 watch the sunset you know ali and i were

40:41 watch the sunset you know ali and i were up here the other night

40:42 up here the other night

40:42 up here the other night doing exactly this until you start

40:45 doing exactly this until you start

40:45 doing exactly this until you start heading back down and realizing like oh

40:46 heading back down and realizing like oh

40:46 heading back down and realizing like oh yeah it takes a little bit

40:47 yeah it takes a little bit

40:47 yeah it takes a little bit you gotta race against time before it's

40:49 you gotta race against time before it's

40:49 you gotta race against time before it's all dark the creepy crawlies start

40:51 all dark the creepy crawlies start

40:51 all dark the creepy crawlies start coming

40:52 coming

40:52 coming out actually i've been telling ali for

40:53 out actually i've been telling ali for

40:53 out actually i've been telling ali for years since she's moved down here

40:55 years since she's moved down here

40:55 years since she's moved down here that we do have tarantulas i've only

40:57 that we do have tarantulas i've only

40:57 that we do have tarantulas i've only ever seen i think one

40:59 ever seen i think one

40:59 ever seen i think one in orange county in my life and the

41:01 in orange county in my life and the

41:01 in orange county in my life and the other night walking down this very trail

41:03 other night walking down this very trail

41:03 other night walking down this very trail right when it was almost too dark to see

41:06 right when it was almost too dark to see

41:06 right when it was almost too dark to see it

41:06 it

41:06 it a tarantula across the road right in

41:09 a tarantula across the road right in

41:09 a tarantula across the road right in front of us and luckily

41:10 front of us and luckily

41:10 front of us and luckily for once i did actually bring my cell

41:13 for once i did actually bring my cell

41:13 for once i did actually bring my cell phone with me up here

41:14 phone with me up here

41:14 phone with me up here look at that look at that look at the

41:20 look at that look at that look at the

41:20 look at that look at that look at the size of it

41:21 size of it

41:21 size of it i told you they were real dude crawling

41:24 i told you they were real dude crawling

41:24 i told you they were real dude crawling i'm not gonna let it cross maybe on my

41:25 i'm not gonna let it cross maybe on my

41:25 i'm not gonna let it cross maybe on my shoe

41:26 shoe

41:26 shoe oh it doesn't like it i don't want to

41:27 oh it doesn't like it i don't want to

41:27 oh it doesn't like it i don't want to scare it

41:29 scare it

41:29 scare it it suddenly became aware like yo dude i

41:32 it suddenly became aware like yo dude i

41:32 it suddenly became aware like yo dude i was cool with you looking at me

41:35 was cool with you looking at me

41:35 was cool with you looking at me oh i'm sure it would buy i don't think

41:36 oh i'm sure it would buy i don't think

41:36 oh i'm sure it would buy i don't think it's going to attack us

41:39 it's going to attack us

41:39 it's going to attack us i don't think so but it was like oh

41:42 i don't think so but it was like oh

41:42 i don't think so but it was like oh you're going to put a foot in front of

41:43 you're going to put a foot in front of

41:43 you're going to put a foot in front of me and i'm going to

41:44 me and i'm going to

41:44 me and i'm going to i'm going to make a stance ally and the

41:47 i'm going to make a stance ally and the

41:47 i'm going to make a stance ally and the tarantula best friends

41:49 tarantula best friends

41:49 tarantula best friends you have seen a lot of tarantulas before

41:52 you have seen a lot of tarantulas before

41:52 you have seen a lot of tarantulas before in other places you know in other

41:53 in other places you know in other

41:53 in other places you know in other deserts

41:54 deserts

41:54 deserts in my time i never startled one like

41:57 in my time i never startled one like

41:57 in my time i never startled one like that before they're usually

41:59 that before they're usually

41:59 that before they're usually pretty imperturbable in my experience

42:01 pretty imperturbable in my experience

42:01 pretty imperturbable in my experience especially the i think those are ebony

42:03 especially the i think those are ebony

42:03 especially the i think those are ebony trash those things what they're called

42:05 trash those things what they're called

42:06 trash those things what they're called normally when i see them they're fine

42:07 normally when i see them they're fine

42:07 normally when i see them they're fine you know if you put a stick in front of

42:08 you know if you put a stick in front of

42:08 you know if you put a stick in front of them they walk right over it the way it

42:09 them they walk right over it the way it

42:09 them they walk right over it the way it jumped back

42:11 jumped back

42:11 jumped back from my foot gave me a little frighten

42:14 from my foot gave me a little frighten

42:14 from my foot gave me a little frighten a little bit of a frightening but no

42:17 a little bit of a frightening but no

42:17 a little bit of a frightening but no tarantulas were harmed in the making of

42:19 tarantulas were harmed in the making of

42:19 tarantulas were harmed in the making of that hike so anyway

42:20 that hike so anyway

42:20 that hike so anyway all right i'm gonna go make ali dinner

42:24 all right i'm gonna go make ali dinner

42:24 all right i'm gonna go make ali dinner go home and sleep wow

42:28 go home and sleep wow

42:28 go home and sleep wow see you real soon

2020 just got personal.... Fire, Wedding, Tarantulas.....

Transcript